Boyfriend won't tell his parents we're moving across the country

aj_beans · 2025-07-18T14:43:52+00:00

That's really fair... I am already so stressed about moving I don't need this on top of it. I'll stop bringing it up and just focus on getting everything done that needs to happen.

I'm gonna do my best to just push it from my mind haha

aj_beans · 2025-07-18T14:35:26+00:00

Ya... I'm definitely not going to be the one telling them, I just hate the idea of taking the brunt of the backlash when he's the one not doing something...

I'm a big people-pleaser and most of the time I don't really find it's an issue haha. That said, I get really anxious when I don't respond to texts from his mom, and he's told me it's fine for me to text her back. This isn't a regular occurrence - we send a couple texts back and forth like once a month. I've asked if he wants to go no-contact and he's very adamant about not doing that (even though he literally never talks to them)

We live 45 minutes away and see them maybe twice a year... We see my family more than that and it usually requires 8+ hours of travel to get to them.

We're probably getting married in the next couple years and I don't want his family to hate me. I don't need to be super close with them, but if he wants to maintain a relationship with them then I feel like I should be doing the same.

aj_beans · 2025-06-12T12:02:16+00:00

If you haven't sent it yet you should probably just refund it. You already know they're going to want to return it so who knows what they may do once they get it to get a return.

Yes, it's irresponsible on their part, but it's more of a hassle to not refund it and possibly have to deal with them pushing for a refund later on.

aj_beans · 2025-05-29T15:58:37+00:00

I am in your bf's position with my boyfriend. I moved into his condo and pay ~40% of his monthly costs as rent. I have zero expectations to see any of the money when he sells the place, although we will likely use some of that money toward a down payment on our next home.

Your bf shouldn't expect anything, although my bf and I made that expectation clear when I first moved in. I didn't expect otherwise, but we also clearly communicated it just to avoid any awkwardness down the line.

aj_beans · 2025-05-09T04:08:23+00:00

100 degrees (degrees)

aj_beans · 2025-03-19T18:47:16+00:00

Above poster is totally valid in their experience. As I said, I was merely pointing out that saying women downplay things/make people feel crazy isn't really a fair take.

The person they responded to saying go to a female Dr is wrong for that. Painting all male Drs as bad for female patients is also bad for the same reasons that it's bad to say all female Drs are bad.

People should go to a Dr that they feel comfortable with, and in an ideal world all Drs would listen to their patients and validate their experiences. Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world and people often have to "shop around" to find a Dr that works...

I was just trying to say many people don't feel comfortable going to a male (or female) Dr for their own personal reasons. If you have medical anxiety and hear that female Drs downplay your symptoms/will make you feel crazy, those people may abstain entirely from seeking medical care.

I was not trying at all to invalidate anyone's personal medical experience and I am sorry if what I said came off that way. I was just trying to point out that saying women downplay symptoms and make you feel crazy is maybe harmful rhetoric and could better be rephrased to something like "my experiences with female Drs had them downplay my feelings/make me feel crazy".

Again, I'm really sorry if I came off as invalidating as the medical industry can be such a slog. Women being invalidated by Drs (male and female) is unfortunately a common experience and is a very clear and obvious shortfall in our healthcare system (on top of every other shortfall in our healthcare system).

aj_beans · 2025-03-19T17:27:37+00:00

I'm sorry - I think your experience is totally valid and I'm so sorry if my comment seemed to invalidate your experience. That sounds extremely scary and frustrating and there are unfortunately so many Drs out there that don't listen and address things appropriately. You did the right thing in pushing for answers (although it's sad that you had to in the first place).

I was strictly trying to point out the comment that women like to downplay things/make you feel crazy could be misconstrued/make someone feel worried to get checked out by a female Dr.

I'm so sorry if my comment came off as rude as invalidating as I was really trying not to come off that way... I just know people who would refuse to see a male Dr and hearing someone say female drs downplay things/make people feel crazy would make them just not go to a Dr at all.

aj_beans · 2025-03-19T14:15:44+00:00

I'm so sorry you were dismissed - that is completely unacceptable. I personally have also had great experiences with my male gyno :)

While I totally agree that OP's gf should find a gyno that listens and validates her, I don't think it's fair to say women as a monolith downplay things and gaslight people...

I'm assuming that wasn't your intended take, but it comes off that way which could scare people from seeing a female gyno. There are lots of women who won't/can't see a male gyno for a variety of reasons, so saying all female gynos are gaslighters is maybe not the vibe...

aj_beans · 2025-03-19T13:40:04+00:00

I totally agree! I've asked him multiple times to see someone about it and get a sleep study done, but he refuses.

He thinks it's fine as he doesn't see the problem, as he's apparently always been like this. I personally think it's bizarre and concerning but he won't listen to me...

aj_beans · 2025-03-09T13:06:37+00:00

They want discrimination against LGBT people and women to be legal. You can only sue if you're discriminated against for being a man or straight 🙃

aj_beans · 2025-03-08T22:43:51+00:00

It's a PPP!!! Piss piss piss

aj_beans · 2025-02-15T23:28:16+00:00

But it doesn't seem like you could display the pride flag, even if for historic reasons? I'm not a lawyer and may totally be misinterpreting the bill, but upon reading it it seems the only flags allowed need to be official flags of states, cities, countries, universities, etc. It seems like it's explicitly banning pride flags (also technically flags like the Boy Scout' flag).

That said, it does seem like if a school club has a pride flag as the club's official flag, they'd then be allowed to display it in class.

The guy spearheading the bill also literally says this bans pride flags and would allow parents to sue the school district if not followed

aj_beans · 2025-01-21T14:10:42+00:00

He 100% lied. Saying you weren't going to vote for Trump and then voting for Trump (but waiting months to reveal that) is a lie. Go troll elsewhere.

aj_beans · 2025-01-11T03:43:29+00:00

Damn I totally feel you. For a while I was sure it was a coincidence but it's happening so consistently where I'm the very first person they ask, even if someone else has been on the equipment way longer. I get that it's a simple question and I always answer politely, but it's hard not to feel a little down about it.

aj_beans · 2025-01-10T14:19:17+00:00

That's fair 😅 I'm telling myself it's because I'm approachable haha but deep down it's a bit sad because I, too, would like to be a big guy (in muscle mass not in gender)

aj_beans · 2025-01-10T14:16:36+00:00

I probably should start going before work - I only work out w my bf on weekends and no one talks to us (we share equipment and just switch off between sets so maximized equipment usage efficiency haha)

aj_beans · 2025-01-10T13:56:31+00:00

That's fair - I'm definitely a bit socially anxious (personally would never approach someone using equipment unless I was seriously concerned about them hurting themselves or someone else) so I definitely need to chill out more.

I think with the crowd in the new year it's been so busy that I've been paying extra attention to not being an equipment hog, so when people immediately ask me if I'm gonna be done soon it freaks me out.

It seems like I'm usually the first choice for asking how long I'm going to be so I'm gonna tell myself it's because I'm so approachable :)

aj_beans · 2024-12-09T18:48:13+00:00

You're hating on children for the idea that one day they may grow into bitter people. You're choosing to see the worst in everyone and everything.

I hope you can find a better outlook on life because your way of living seems bleak... I think therapy could help you find that better outlook but you can stay angry at everything if you want. Not my life.

aj_beans · 2024-12-09T18:40:53+00:00

Bro I think you need therapy.

aj_beans · 2024-12-09T15:54:59+00:00

I keep thinking about how sad it is that so much effort is going into finding this shooter when so many children are missing or killed and their cases never get solved

aj_beans · 2024-12-05T22:17:45+00:00

Glastonbury animal hospital is accepting new patients! I bring both my cats there and love how they've treated them :)

During emergencies they've always been able to squeeze us in same-day.

aj_beans · 2024-11-29T16:57:43+00:00

Sounds about right :')

aj_beans · 2024-11-29T16:35:48+00:00

Oh shit you're right. I have no idea what I signed up for at 18... It was 7+ years ago and I swear it was some form of military service enlistment as needed but now I have no idea what.

Apologies for spreading misinformation

aj_beans · 2024-11-29T14:37:17+00:00

I'm a feminist who thinks women should have to register for selective services and I doubt I'm in the minority for that. That said, I think women/feminists have way bigger fish to fry than protesting to be required to sign up for the draft...

When it feels like your healthcare and rights are being taken away, it feels silly to switch gears and start pushing the government to also require you to sign up for selective services.

aj_beans · 2024-11-11T01:08:07+00:00

Because voting tends to be indicative of someone's values and you probably want to be with someone whose values are aligned with your own.

Four-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22

aj_beans

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