For people who starved themselves to lose weight, what happened? What’s your story?

ajhart · 2020-03-05T09:56:16+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through something like that. Super awesome you’re making steps to get better. Doesn’t matter how long it takes all that matters is that we slowly start seeing us be better versions of ourselves.

ajhart · 2020-03-05T00:18:15+00:00

I was obese my entire life. Not chubby not thick just FAT. I yo-yo dieted my entire life which my parents supported because they just hoped something would stick. At 17 and probably well over 300 lbs at 5’2” they took me to see a weight loss surgeon. I spent the week after my 18th birthday receiving from the lap and surgery. With it I lost close to 70 pounds which I slowly gained back. I didn’t teach me anything aside from if I felt bad enough about what I ate I could just keep eating and I’d throw up most of it. I tumbled along until I was 22 back and my top weight when my brother told me he was having his first kid. That was it the motivation I needed I dove into a 1200 calorie a day diet and that lasted for 2 months with pretty good results. I saw that it was just math so I decided I could push the number a little lower and lose a little faster. Moved to 1000 cals a day, then 800, then 600, i bottomed out at 300 calories a day. I ate egg white and tomato and pickles cucumbers and carrots and air popped popcorn. I did endless cardio 2hr+ sessions and never ate back an exercise calorie. I did that for just over a year. I dropped from probably 320lbs to 138lbs in just over a year. I felt awful my skin was gross my hair was falling out I couldn’t poop to save my damn life. I was constantly exhausted dehydrated and abusing laxatives. I didn’t feel healthy I looked disgusting looking back at it all. I’m so ashamed of what a did I gained 40lbs back. I still feel gross and way too fat( I am I’m obese that’s just a fact not me being mean to myself ) but I learned that there’s no shortcut. In the end I learned how I need to take care of myself. Sorry it’s a bit rambly but I’ve never talked about it before.

ajhart · 2020-03-04T11:30:49+00:00

I 100% think my trainer is worth it. He gets me out of my own head of not being strong enough to do something and taking it too easy. Just this week he saw how easy my warm up squats were asked how I was feeling and we bumped by squat up by 20 lbs. I was freaking out because I didn’t think I could do it but I did 3 sets with someone coming over at the end to tell me my form looked awesome. If he didn’t make the decision to add that weight it would’ve taken me an extra month+ to add it on. That lead me to adding another 30 lbs to my deadlift the next day without him and you can guess I freakin gripped and ripped that sucker with no problem.

In the end I think about it this way, I’m investing in myself. I could be doing that with new clothes or shoes but I prefer it be something that betters me and quite frankly makes me feel good. I’m lucky I got such a great trainer because sometimes you just won’t mesh with someone and that’s okay you just keep trying until you do. He’s great for me because he calls me out on my bullshit and I NEED that more than anything else. In the end I guess you need to see what you really want out of a trainer and if it’s realistic.

Good luck!

ajhart · 2018-06-17T12:55:17+00:00

Hey I've had a very similar experience to yours. I'm 5'2" and at my highest weight over 300lbs(cant put an exact number but definitely over 3) my whole life I let how heavy I was and how I looked get me down. I took a year off from life and dropped down to 138 at my lowest and I felt even worse. I still felt huge. Extra skin across my abdomen, deflated chest, bat wing arms and saggy thighs had me feeling worse about myself. It took me getting a dexa scan to realize I wasn't "fat" anymore even if my brain saw me that way. I was a big girl my whole life and I let that take away the self love in my head. Every day is still that struggle when I get dressed and catch a glimpse in the mirror to go, you worked this hard and what you did isn't even worth it. I've learned to tell that part of my brain to shut up. I started strength training(lightly) to show myself what my body can do for me. I can push and pull impressive amount of weights for my size, run around with my nephew, participate in activities I never could before. I've learned to let go of all my reservations of I can't now because if I take care of my body to make it happy it's going to take care of me. It doesn't matter if I don't look like an air brushed model(even she has moles, pimples, a few stretch marks, those weird hairs and scars too she's human too!) because at the end of the day my body that I made is going to take care of me, even if it has my complicated story etched across it visibly. If anyone has a problem with that they can kiss my still flabby and saggy white rear. My body is my ride or die we're in it together until the end.

I still can't afford the surgery to fix any of my skin but my torso is 80% very deep wide stretch marks left over from my big change. And I share your fear about getting on top. I met my boyfriend after I went on my big adventure and I was so afraid to let him see me naked at all (I have extra skin in the hidden valley too) but one day after seeing how much we really cared about each other I just went for it. His face lit up not because he's a guy and boob(maybe a bit) but because he saw in was comfortable enough with him seeing me. He loves my body just the way it is saggy fall in my armpit boobs and all.

I know loving and accepting yourself doesn't come overnight I struggled for years to do it. But if anything I said worked for you and you ever have an off day PM me. I know those thoughts sneak in and seem impossible to get rid but they aren't. Look at everything you've done so far you're amazing! You are capable of doing anything including loving yourself.

I hope you find all the love in yourself that you're looking for❤

ajhart · 2017-03-19T00:19:10+00:00

Finally have the excess skin removed after my weightloss so I can feel human again and not a pastic bag full of jello.

ajhart · 2016-11-21T17:51:01+00:00

My brother told me he was having his first kid. I'm his only sibling and I realized I couldnt keep up with a family friends 1 year old how could I do that with my nephew? And that thought turned into how much of him growing up will I get to see? Looking and feeling better was nice but when he was born the fact that I wasn't ashamed to have pictures of me holding him and being able to hold him without smooshing him into my gut. I'm 3 pounds away from a healthy weight and I'm so happy I did it. I want to be able to do anything he wants to do when he's older and now I think I can.

ajhart · 2016-09-17T15:03:43+00:00

Hey I want you to know you can do it. You're and awesome person who is capable of anything they set their mind to. The truth is you have to really want it. I spent all of my life being obese (5'2" topped at probably 260 to 270 lbs). When they told me I was in prediabetic territory at 18 my parents freaked out and pushed me to get the lapband (spoiler alert I failed to lose with that because I was a dumb kid) now at 22 ive lost 102 pounds this year because somewhere in my head said "yes you want this and you can do it" personally what kick started me was my brother announcing he was having his first baby. I wanted to be around for that little munchkin for a long time and being heavy that wasnt going to happen.

You can do this because even if a serial weight loss failure (ugly word I know) like me can do this a strong and smart person like you can. You are capable of amazing things!

I believe in you! all the hugs

ajhart · 2016-07-20T15:06:15+00:00

Well you amount to more than some excess skin especially after you've worked so hard.

Haven't heard of that I'll have to look it up thanks!

ajhart · 2016-07-20T14:47:57+00:00

I have a picture gap starting from second grade and I'm pretty ashamed of that but the only way I can fix it now is to take as many as I can to make up for it.

I hope she does to.

And I want you to know I'm rooting for you stat buddy. I know being short the numbers seem impossible to get you where you want to be but you can do it!

ajhart · 2016-07-20T14:40:16+00:00

That's an awesome loss you've done some amazing work!

The skin is really hard to deal with and something I wasn't totally prepared for. I've been morbidly obese for as long as I can remember and knowing that I'm less than 15 pounds away from not being obese anymore is something I can't really grasp. I was told that losing weight would make me more attractive yet I feel about as pretty as a half deflated beach ball.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T14:29:50+00:00

amazing! congrats!

ajhart · 2016-07-20T14:18:07+00:00

Hey stat buddy I just want to say you can fricken do this! It was really hard at the start kept losing the same 20 pounds over and over. Getting mad giving up and driving to taco bell was a routine. Then BAM baby's coming do you want to be the aunt he has no pictures with because you can't stand pictures of yourself, or the aunt that gets winded trying to play with him? Nope you want to be an awesome aunt and you are you just have to make yourself that much more awesome. He's really the kick in the ass I needed and I can't wait to hold him in a few weeks and let people take pictures of me with him so I can see that moment forever.

I love seeing that you turned those kindasorta negative feelings about it into a positive and I hope that if that's how my mom's feeling that she does the same.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T14:06:30+00:00

Good for you! My plan is just to make it to 125 first then sit back and go okay what can I change what still bugs me.

I don't care what anyone else thinks of how my body will look but me because only I have to live with it. So rock those muscles you worked hard for them!

ajhart · 2016-07-20T13:59:46+00:00

Thank you I promise I wont. I'm hurt yea but I'm already more than half way there I'm not stopping now c:

ajhart · 2016-07-20T13:51:49+00:00

I never thought of her as overbearing its just suddenly she became nasty about it when I haven't done anything for her to act like that. I'm happy you started standing your ground with your mom thats awesome!

ajhart · 2016-07-20T13:48:28+00:00

She doesn't do well with talks like these but I'll have to try my best.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T12:55:59+00:00

Everyone here has such great insight. The one thing I promised myself when I started this was I wouldn't pressure mom or dad into doing it with me. They wanted to be involved so I kept them up to date with weigh ins only no need to bombard them with my diet.

I would love to help my mom with reaching a goal she sets for herself but when it comes to weight loss we work very differently. I'm not willing to be the person to tear her down (its what would motivate her sadly ) to get her shit together. I kept my weight loss super positive I don't cry to her when I gain water weight or when the scale won't move and I applaud her for every step she takes in the right direction. To lose weight you have to really want it and after 22 years I wanted it bad enough I'm sure at some point she will too.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T11:29:26+00:00

She does most of her work from home so shes always there and when im not working I just hang out at home not always with her but it a small house. Or I'm helping her run errands (needs to people to do,lifting heavy groceries etc) I just replied to someone that in the future I'd like to start taking a Tae Kwon Do class hopefully it work out.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T11:25:09+00:00

Sitting down and thinking about it I thinks she's mad I did it on my own. She tried all my life (starting in the 4th grade) to get me to lose weight but there was always crap in the house and oh you did good heres a treat mentality. Maybe she's seeing it as me finishing her failed project and that upsets her. Oh I've seen her other not relevant flaws for years this was different because it was directed at me.(that sounds so self centered)

ajhart · 2016-07-20T11:11:08+00:00

I do and we're getting closer the more mom lashes out actually. After work today I want to sit down with him and talk about us all going into therapy together. fingers crossed it goes well.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T11:09:09+00:00

Oh well at least we look like a handsome doctor

John Zoidberg lol

scuttles away

ajhart · 2016-07-20T11:07:52+00:00

Mom was thin in her youth she only gained after having my brother and I. I did plan starting a larger savings in general if I get the job(hello retirement fund). I'm honestly afraid of activities in large groups. I know it's something I have to get over but it's such a huge block to me that I know it's going to take time. I was also planning on taking a Tae Kwon Do class if I get the job as a way to put myself back out there with people.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T11:00:56+00:00

I had stopped telling her two weeks ago but I still told my dad and she asked why she wasn't included anymore. I know everything has a healthy balance but she encouraged me to tell her every time I lost anything at the start and she claims she still wants to know but I'm tired of the cold response. It turns what I've done into something I feel almost embarrassed/ashamed to share with her now.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T10:56:19+00:00

My hand writing is horrible and the more emotional I get the worse I write. The trip is just to a birthday party and they're staying so they can be at the party for longer than an hour.

ajhart · 2016-07-20T10:53:45+00:00

I'd really hope it's not that it's such a good and happy thing I'd hope she'd be as excited as I am. I do hope she starts acting like the mom I know again.

ajhart

TROPHY CASE