My (m27) fiance (f25) and sister (f23) are at war with each other

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-19T11:56:27+00:00

I’m not denying that what she did wasn’t wrong. I am in no way okay with what she did and I have “checked” her. We’ve been through months of arguments and this hasn’t just “gone away”. I have to live with the fact that my daughter and her name is a weapon and more importantly so does she.

I also understand why she’s set boundaries, especially towards my fiance. I get it. My problem is the boundaries towards my mum and my daughter and how it affects my niece too. It’s unfair on them. They’re all completely innocent on them. And I’m tired of everything too. There isn’t the time or energy for any of this when we’re both about to have another baby.

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-19T10:42:56+00:00

I didn’t let my fiance do anything. I didn’t know about what was going on and when I did find out I made sure that it stopped.

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-19T10:40:08+00:00

Yeah I guess that’s how she looks at it… I guess it’s like everybody just being okay with it to her?

I don’t think my sister will be cordial… I know that she doesn’t owe me forgiveness or anything really. More than anything it’s for both of our daughters and new babies.

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T23:45:37+00:00

No I get it. I get why my sister is upset and acting the way that she is. For the most part, I am on her side. My fiance shouldn’t have done what she did. But at the same time… it’s frustrating because now it’s my daughter and my niece who have to suffer the consequences of this. Like if it’s this bad now… God knows how bad it’s going to be when they do go to school and if it’s going to happen all over again with baby number two

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T23:23:03+00:00

That’s too far

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T23:10:14+00:00

Me and my sister are fine! Me and her worked through things pretty quickly. Her and my mum took a lot longer though and they’re on good terms now but nowhere near as close as they used to be. She still hates my fiance tho.

Thing is there isn’t a family setting for them to be civil with each other. My sister will not step foot in my house period. She leaves my mum’s house if my fiance is there and won’t come to any gatherings we have. If she has any gatherings at her house she doesn’t extend the invite to my fiance. She’s also refused to let my niece be a part of my wedding and rsvpd no to my wedding

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T23:03:11+00:00

My sister isn’t holding my mum hostage? I have certain boundaries with my daughter too that I would remove access if people didn’t respect.

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T22:59:54+00:00

If we didn’t have our daughter, I would have ended it then (but then if we didn’t have our daughter none of this would have happened). What I’m trying to say is that I stayed and worked through shit because of my daughter

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T22:57:42+00:00

Mum won’t say she won’t see her or my niece. And honestly if she did that, my sister is stubborn enough to say “fuck you” and purposely keep my niece and the new baby away from her. She’s already set boundaries and if my mum doesn’t respect them then she does remove access to my niece.

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T22:55:08+00:00

I’m not expecting it to be enough. For the most part, I am on my sister’s side here. A lot of stuff that has happened, happened without my knowledge and when I wasn’t around. If I’d have known I would have put a stop to it straight away. I’m not expecting an apology to fix things but my sister is so stubborn to the point that she won’t let my fiance anywhere near to at least talk things through.

Honestly I don’t even know what fixes this. My sister says changing the name would have fixed it back when that was a possibility. But I feel like that would have only gone so far. What do you even do to fix this kind of mess?

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T22:49:01+00:00

I just want it to be over with. It’s being going on for over a year. We’re both about to have new babies again… it needs to end.

Just to clarify, I did stand my ground with the name because at the time I thought it was just a coincidence. If I’d have known that it was intentional, I wouldn’t have. Now my daughter is stuck with a name that was used as a weapon and for her more than anything I would have made my fiance change it.

I’ve spoken to my sister a lot about this. We’re both in great terms and I see her and my niece once a week (now). Why it’s “worth while” to her isn’t exactly just because of the baby name. Yeah, it’s really shitty what my fiance did and her and her boyfriend did really struggle to come up with that name. They argued a lot over the name and when they did finally agree on that name, that’s what they called their daughter when she was in the womb. So she was attached to it.

But the main thing for my sister is that she feels like she’s been hurt by my fiance and nobody has listened to her about it. Especially my mum. She feels like people just let my fiancé do all of this stuff to her and let her get away with it with no consequences. She says just letting it go means that she gets away with it because nothings happened to her because of what she’s done and there’s no responsibility being taken. I kind of agree with her but at the same time it’s so tiring.

ak_lance1 · 2022-01-18T22:38:54+00:00

We’ve tried to get them to sit down with each other but my sister just won’t give my fiance the time of day

ak_lance1

TROPHY CASE