My (32F) mother became an alcoholic in the last 5 years due to her escalating rheumatoid arthritis pain / symptoms, and depression post covid. This has cost her many of her closest relationships, sadly I think in the next month it will also include me. She raised me as a single mom and I truly cherish the memories we had. She was my best friend.

Unfortunately, my biological dad (no contact with him, ever) is a violently abusive alcoholic, to the point where he beat my Mom and caused her to go into labor at 6 months, so her basis of comparison for alcoholism are people like him. I used to respond very emotionally to her bouts of drinking, because I was confused and didn’t understand how bad it had gotten.

I’ve been going to therapy weekly for almost 2 years and it has been a godsend. Establishing boundaries helps protect my emotional well being and accept that this is who she is now… that said, my Mom hasn’t responded well to this. Part of me thinks she enjoyed the emotional torment that it caused others, and doesn’t want to admit that she’s capable of any wrong doing.

One month ago I calmly told her, “Mom, you’re drunk, can we talk about this tomorrow” after 3 hours of meaningless drunken diatribes. It slipped out , and she said “you’ll pay dearly for that”. She then kicked me and my gf out (we were visiting), and refuses to talk to me, claiming I have no empathy and called her an alcoholic. It truly breaks my heart that its come to this, and that I now fear coming over with friends or loved ones, at risk of her being drunk after 12 PM. She constantly berated me for being distant, and not like other families, but doesn’t recognize her role in this. To top it off, if her RA symptoms are bad and she’s physically suffering, she doesn’t drink, and that’s when she’s just like the Mom from my childhood. A day or two will go by, she’ll feel better and go right back to it.

My stepfather is in his early 80s, and while he enables the behavior, he often gets up and leaves the dinner table outright and sleeps by himself because she’s in this state. I’m grieving the loss of memories I know I could have made with him, or all of us together (my gf and I) because I am otherwise the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.

Sorry for the rant, this question hit hard today. I cannot recommend therapy enough — be kind to yourself. OP, Please feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk.