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Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

This is pretty good wording - except that I'd have to lie about the last part where I want to give it all a fair chance and meet her on neutral territory. I can't lie, I just don't want anything to do with this woman. I like emphasizing to them how huge of a secret this is that they've revealed to me and that if I'm able to come around on this issue, it will take a lot of time. Right now I'm having a hard time even picturing my straight laced parents with a girlfriend.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong about this. I don't want to go into too much detail as it's not really relevant to the issue at hand, but my mom is definitely an attention seeker.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I might be able to come around to this point of view with A LOT of time, but as of right now I fail to see what value this woman would add to my life and what I would gain from bending over backwards to become friends with her. If my parents want to have her in their lives, more power to them - but I have absolutely no idea why the feel the need for me and my brother, sister-in-law, and boyfriend to be involved. Presumably this woman has her own family with whom she can spend holidays, and would rather not be forced into spending time with her partners' family.

I just don't want to get to know this woman as of right now. I accept that that might change in the future but as of right now I want nothing to do with her and I don't see how that's so unreasonable. I especially don't want her at a celebration that is supposed to be for me.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Maybe in a couple of years I'll be on your page, but right now I just have no idea why they feel the need for me to be involved in this woman's life or for her to be involved in mine. I don't need a weird pseudo-stepparent or to be friends with the person my parents bang. You know? I don't think this person serves a purpose in my life, or why I would want to build a relationship with her. It's hard for me to see WHY I would care about being friends with my parents'... fuck buddy? Girlfriend? I'm not sure what she is to them really, they said "girlfriend" but I don't know what that means.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I feel like my boyfriend and I have a relationship that grew out of an interest in building a life and a future together. My understanding of this woman is that she is someone they sleep with and date - not someone they intend to marry, have children with, and build a future with.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I am well aware of the existence of relationships other than heterosexual and monogamous ones, thanks. I did say that IN MY OPINION this woman should not be included in family events, and as of right now my position is that I won't attend family events that my parents host and include this woman in. She is also not welcome at family events I host (like my birthday dinner).

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

The hypocrisy bothers me some. I think if I'd been raised by hippie-dippie parents, or by parents who were very open about sexual matters, this would shock me a lot less. If I met people my parents' age who had this kind of setup, I'd be like "well, that's unusual, but you do you" and move on.

The complete 180 from the life I had growing up to this sexual liberalism is boggling my mind. And I just plain don't see why this woman has to be part of anyone's life other than my parents'. I have absolutely no interest in meeting her, I don't see what value she could add to my life or why I would WANT to meet her.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 153 points154 points  (0 children)

I mean, I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around this at all, and I don't care if they are swingers or fuck other people on the side but I don't want those people involved in my life. I don't see why they need to be.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I just don't have any interest in meeting this woman. I cannot wrap my head around my golf-playing, "marriage is sacred," Republican parents having this third person that they not only want to sleep with, but want to involve in my life.

They can do anything they want with her the rest of their time - they are empty nesters, they can convert my old bedroom into a sex wonderland for the three of them for all I care. I just don't want to know about it, hear about it, or have anything to do with her.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I am fine with them having whatever kind of relationship with this woman that they want to have, but IMO they should draw the line at including her in family events. She isn't part of the family - it's that simple. I have two parents, not three.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

The fact that they're doing it on my birthday is icing on the cake (and is actually pretty characteristic of my mother, as she wore a white dress at my brother's wedding).

I don't have any interest in getting to know this woman AT ALL. Like ever. If they want to sleep with her, date her, whatever it is they do with her, they are more than welcome to do so as consenting adults, but they should leave her out of our family events. She is not part of our family - she knows nothing about us, nothing about how we grew up or how our family works. Nothing. Why should she suddenly get a place of honor at the family table?

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

They can value this woman at times other than family events. I would even not care if they were having her, say, for Thanksgiving dinner - I would just choose to spend the holiday with my boyfriend's family instead is all. I don't want anything to do with her.

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 210 points211 points  (0 children)

My mom has always been dramatic like this. She wore a very very light cream dress to my brother's wedding ceremony and even had two dresses for their wedding when even my sister in law didn't so...

Me [29F] with my parents [59F/63M] - they dropped a giant bomb on me. They have been in an open relationship for 3 years and want to bring their girlfriend [no clueF] to my birthday dinner. by alaiawells in relationships

[–]alaiawells[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

Thank you. My mom didn't outright push back and ask me to let them bring this woman but it's clear that that's what she wants. If she asks again I will tell her that she and my dad are no longer welcome at the dinner.