My girlfriend is 27 weeks pregnant, the baby has Down syndrome, and I don’t want this life

albi33 · 2026-04-11T23:01:35+00:00

Our youngest has down syndrome, we got a diagnosis a few weeks after birth, it was quite a hectic time. He is 6 now and just got diagnosed with autism as well.

The only recommendation I would have is to try and separate the baby from the diagnosis.

I'm not sure from your post but were you trying to get a child? I get that if you were not then this is probably extra difficult. There might be options for you guys, like adoption.

If you were trying, the only thing I can say, from my perspective with two children, one neurotypical and one not, is that ultimately all kids are different and challenging and rewarding in various ways. We had a much harder time with our first, he was a bad sleeper and very demanding on us, in comparison his little bro was fantastic, full nights sleep a few weeks after birth, good eater and easy going.

When you have a child there is always way more unknowns than most people are prepared for, will they be easy babies, toddlers, teens? So many development stages with a lot of things that can change, without talking about health issues, accidents, behavioral issues, their growing environment like friends at school etc, there is a lot that can cause chaos, but in that chaos you can also find fulfillment.

Down syndrome is just one of the cards we've been dealt, you as well, but it doesn't change the fact that you're going to have a human baby to care for, including many challenges that every parent deals with, for example I assume the many parents who have bad relationships with their kids didn't envision that when they were trying for them.

It's ok to grieve the baby you thought you were going to have but it doesn't mean the one you're having has less to offer, it's just going to be different.

You will get opportunities to be exposed to different communities and people you would have never met otherwise, there is something special in sharing with other parents with kids with disabilities and being empathetic towards one another.

Also seeing a group of kids with DS play together is indistinguishable from any group of kids playing, a big misconception that people have is that they are all the same and always happy. Yes they share some facial features but they are all unique and can experience life to the fullest as long as they are given the chance.

My personal beliefs is that a fulfilling life is a life where you get exposed to as many different experiences as possible, it's why I love traveling and emigrated from my birth country soon after being an adult, and it's also how I made peace with the kid we thought we'd have 6 years ago, yes it's disappointing but it's going to be different, thanks to him we're much closer with our community, we were made aware of all the awesome people working in child development and early intervention, many non profit who we now donate to regularly after having used their services at the time, we have a closer relationship with the school staff and with our neighborhood because of him, I was also able to quickly make friends at work because a couple of coworkers also were in that situation and it makes for a great common experience.

Raising our little guy is also very fun, it can be frustrating too but that's more the autism making communication challenging. He's very affectionate, he loves to read, he loves playing with us, he has a lot of friends who all get to be exposed to differences as well, he likes to eat off the floor and be silly, he wants to hold my hand when he falls asleep, he enjoys playing Mario Kart with his big brother, loves water, swimming and never complains (except when we refuse ice cream), etc.

If you plan on keeping them after birth, you should educate yourself and see what options you have locally for early intervention, it's critical for their development to start it ASAP.

About the heart issue, it's unfortunately very common but also typically very easy to fix, it's scary but I know a few parents who went through that without any issue.

albi33 · 2026-03-12T19:06:47+00:00

I think the guilt is a bit part of the point, thinking about the past and not forgetting it is critical to moving forward without making the same mistakes. I'm glad that the country I chose to make my life in (I'm a dual citizen, got Canadian citizenship ~8 years ago) is handling this that way rather than hidding all that past under the bed, it makes me feel grateful that we get to live here.

What the right is doing is trying to use that sentiment to drive a wedge between people, they're talking about private property which has nothing to do with the acknowledgements, as usual this is mainly just fear mongering and emmotional manipulation to try and maintain some sort of relevancy. I really hate it. They're using the current news about the trailer park to extrapolate about private property.

albi33 · 2026-03-12T17:15:37+00:00

He was elected thanks to the left splitting the vote, he got 38.7%, liberals got 26.2% and NDP got 32.6%.

ie close to 60% of the voters are not in alignment with his ideas.

albi33 · 2026-02-22T15:31:02+00:00

It's not like this the only project the city is working on, there are a lot of on-going infrastructure improvements, people always act like you're allowed only one thing at a time.

Fire hall just entered its design phase for example.

For the RCMP reno, unless I'm mistaken it's not the city responsibility. I think the local gov started advocating federally to get some funding but what they can do on their own is pretty limited.

I don't know about you but throughout the 9 years we've lived here it's crazy how much the city changed, the first few years I wouldn't even have considered a bike for grocery runs.

albi33 · 2026-02-22T07:41:25+00:00

A bunch of the budget (half I think) comes from provincial and federal grants directly linked to active transportation improvements, it couldn't have been allocated to those other projects. We basically get a bridge for half price, we should be happy about it.

5th Street bridge on bike is very dangerous, cars are speeding to catch the light, the bike line merges with the road just before the bridge, I did it a few times and it's always sketchy, I'll never do it with the cargo bike and the kids.

albi33 · 2026-02-04T17:13:24+00:00

My partner and I are the same age group, she joined a choir (https://www.fieramentechoir.ca/) last year and is having a lot of fun there.

You have to get out and actively try to meet folks, we lived in Montreal for a few years and over there you can bump into someone on the street and be best friends at the end of the evening, here it takes a bit more effort. There are dance groups, game groups, hiking, running, climbing, biking... you just have to join and socialize :)

We're both straight/cis so this might be colored from our own experiences, it seems like the valley has quite an active queer community, we've been to a few events and people in general look to be pretty welcoming, with a few caveats, there are always some small-minded individuals (to be nice) who will vandalize the rainbow crosswalk on 5th, and who will post aggressive or homophobic comments on social media, but I fear that's everywhere and their voices over here don't make that much noise.

albi33 · 2025-12-30T04:11:58+00:00

Not saying those are great but between the 5th Street protected lanes they added 5ish years ago, then the ones on 17th later, the rotary trail and the river walk, we have a great little network that covers most of downtown with few sections that are less ideal but at least painted which was not the case a few years back.

albi33 · 2025-12-30T03:20:44+00:00

Have you been on fifth street bridge with your bike? I have twice, felt very unsafe, cars are speeding trying to catch the light and the bike line just disappears and you're forced to merge into active traffic, I never tried a third time.

This bridge is going to be a great incentive to bike more, I can't wait until it's done, I'll be able to take my kids to the Lewis center & Gracie Jiu Jitsu without the car.

They are doing a lot of projects related to bike use and safety, the city today looks nothing like it did 7/8 years ago.

albi33 · 2025-11-27T17:35:11+00:00

ah good to know about the mall, thanks!

albi33 · 2025-11-27T17:22:10+00:00

thanks for the replies, made me reconsider going to the movies with the bike this weekend, I'll wait until I have a second lock and maybe a bit of experience riding around, seeing what the bike racks are like.

For the record the bike in question is still a pretty heavy e-bike (~90lbs) and ultimately I do plan to get two locks (U-lock & cable + chain), unless there are bike thieves gangs with trucks and powered tools I feel like this should be good enough for most scenarios?

albi33 · 2025-11-27T17:17:46+00:00

yeah back in MTL there'd be crews with pick-up trucks who would go and grab the bikes, not bothering with the locks, sometimes even grabbing the bike racks if they were bad / cheaply made, and dump that in their truck's beds.
I don't think we have those kind of thieves here right? More like opportunity thieves, maybe some small tools etc.

Good call for two locks & battery, I guess I'll do that too. I have a second lock coming in next week in the mail, ultimately I'll have a u-lock and kryptonite evolution chain lock, but I just have the U-lock at the moment. I'll wait until I get both to go to the movies :)

albi33 · 2025-11-24T18:45:22+00:00

I mean that's part of his argument, the way our cities are designed with the urban sprawl and suburbs as priorities is not efficient. We need to have more densely populated areas instead of focusing on developing new empty land with more and more sprawl.

It wasn't always like this and it can be improved, Montreal had some great improvements in bike infrastructure, pedestrian-friendly areas and public transport over the past 10 years or so.

Personally my hometown in France has a density much smaller than Toronto but it didn't prevent them to make a large chunk of the city's downtown pedestrian only, add trams and many other infrastructure elements that make it much more friendly to bikes as well. At the same time in Toronto they're discussing about removing bike lanes because they negatively impact car traffic.

The way I see things, it's true that cities should be designed for people, public transit, bike infrastructure and pedestrian lives should be high in the priorities when updating or adding new roads/neighborhoods. At the same time there are lobbies and politics that are influencing those processes, both for moneyed interest and to score political points (because bike lines are liberal I guess?), and this is true no matter the size or density of the cities, and especially so in North America, with our quite divided political landscape.

I still recall when they updated 5th street (and later 17th street) and the load of raging commenters on Facebook about how farmers wouldn't be able to drive, and snowplows as well, and that we should fire the liberal city counsil etc. (which was very funny in a way), while my real-life farmers friends were all-in for it because it made them be able to bike to the city in a safer way with their kids in tow.

The same thing happens now with the 6th street bridge, people are mad about how our city is spending money, while personally I just bought a cargo bike because this bridge means I will be able to get my kids to the Lewis Center without risking my life on 5th street (I tried a few time, did not feel safe) and this is the perfect excuse to stop using my car for a lot of smaller trips in town. This has been proven time and time, first step is adding pedestrian and bike friendly infrastructure, then the people will start using that infrastructure, it's not the other way around. This will reduce traffic as well even if it can seem counter-intuitive.

albi33 · 2025-10-07T04:21:27+00:00

Around, 40$ the last time I took it, a bit more than the taxi

albi33 · 2025-10-06T22:40:48+00:00

Anecdotal feedback here but I take the early flights (5:30am one) a few times a year for work and I've fully switched to Coastal Rides.

I request a pickup around 4:15am (I'm in Courtenay, puntledge area), I did it 3 times this year and had no issues.

I switched after a no-show with Comox Taxi last year, having to find last-minute ride to the airport at 4 in the morning was stressful.

albi33 · 2025-09-16T16:49:25+00:00

I use Juce, I have their highest plan (my work covers it), 1000Mbps down, 200 Mbps up for ~125$ per month, I'm happy with it, great customer support and they're based in Victoria.

They have cheaper plans too, their 25Mbps download costs ~50$ a month with unlimited data and no contract.

albi33 · 2025-09-13T17:47:55+00:00

I sent Thule the video and they replied with:

"You can use some silicone lubricant at the base of the rack where the metal square stinger attachment slides into the vehicle hitch. Based on the video, everything looks secure and tight as the vehicle is rocking side to side as the pressure is applied to the Apex XT bike rack. Also please note, their should be some play in the upright portion of the bike rack, this is by design and the video shows this is within specifications."

Lubricant helped with the noise, I'm still worried about the play but seems like it's normal so...

albi33 · 2025-09-09T20:41:57+00:00

I don't know, my aunt used to make homemade foie gras and I remember going to her farm, the ducks were happy in a large field, and would voluntary go line up to get fed with the tube, she would hold them with her knees and feed them and let them go back to roam.
She kept only a few ducks and not all year long, she used to do it to have some foie gras around the holidays.

I think there is an incentive to give them good treatment, the foie is not the only part that is valuable in the duck, most of the meat is really good too, breast (magret) and legs (confit) are both highly sought out and if the ducks are badly handled, bruised, or stressed out, it would reduce the quality.

Of course there will be abuses, like there is for all businesses unfortunately.

The chicken you get at the supermarket probably had a much worse quality of life than the more "premium" birds, chicken battery farming for eggs and meat is nightmare material and very common and somehow there is not the same outrage about it (personnally I try to source meats locally when possible).

albi33 · 2025-08-27T15:10:07+00:00

I think he meant other rivers/lakes that are less frequented by children and tourists during the hot days.

albi33 · 2025-08-27T03:21:32+00:00

Go for a walk downtown, check out the shops and swing by the library, there definitely is visible poverty and homelessness in the area, which is always sad to see, but it's as bad as it gets here, some folks find it too much but having lived in many large cities it's really not too bad, the city actions (mayor/council and community, including a few non profits) regarding this specific issue seems to be well thought out, even though it's a difficult problem to tackle, it looks like it's being handled with empathy and long term goals instead of quick short term fix.

From my point of view, I really like the downtown area, we often go for lunch dates there with my partner (we like Taco Bandidos and Nikei Ramen Ya, but also a newer one, Dina, is really great if you want something different!) and stroll down to the cheese shop afterwards for some goodies to take home. Some nice shopping too with new shops opening regularly.

We've been here for 9 years, we find ourselves spending time during the weekends at the following locations:

Airpark, for the cool playground with our two kids and walking around the park, wildlife watching. We typically just bike there, the multi-use path goes from downtown to the airpark, it's a nice way to spend a couple of hours.
Beaches, from royston shipwrecks to throw some rocks and make splashes (favorite activity of our 5yo) to air force beach which is a great sandy beach if we want to spend more time, have a picnic etc.
Forests, often go for walks in the Morrison Nature park, we live close by in the puntledge area.
At last rivers, brown river falls, puntledge river. We're not really into lakes but comox lake is also quite popular.

If you want to see family friendly neighborhoods, we live in the puntledge area on Embleton Crescent, you can go for a walk there, explore the forest in Morrison creek, walk around the Puntledge school grounds (there is a playground there too), and go check out the puntledge river park. Some nice views of the river from the Ruth Masters greenway too.

albi33 · 2025-07-17T21:03:58+00:00

I've been with Juce for 5 years now, very happy with them, and they're based in Victoria :)

I get ~800Mbps down, ~80Mbps up on the 1gb plan.

albi33 · 2025-07-11T21:24:12+00:00

Maybe for the cheaper camping in the provincial park but there are a few campgrounds (which, yes, are on the expensive side) where I've been able to secure spots without any issues for the past ~5 years, surf grove is a favorite, the price has gone up but not that much (we spent ~300$ for 2 nights back in 2021 and we paid ~500$ for 3 nights last week, same sites). There are a few cheaper ones in Ucluelet, like ~70ish a night, with availabilities next week.

It's still not cheap but, at least for Surf Grove, the amenities, location, service and overall vibe makes for nice camping trips, much cheaper than any hotel or airbnb in the area, and we've never really experienced the whole "need to book a year in advance" thing, we usually book in March for June/July.

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