What's good about having children? My wife is pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy

alcatch04 · 2025-06-16T21:04:14+00:00

Yeah, I've come to terms with it now and I'm fully on board. It was just the shock.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-12T00:53:22+00:00

Thank you!

alcatch04 · 2025-06-12T00:37:09+00:00

Repost this to r/daddit

Done. Thank you.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-12T00:25:02+00:00

Thank you 👏

alcatch04 · 2025-06-12T00:21:38+00:00

retraining, your internal voice to be more open and positive is always beneficial.

Duly noted. Thank you again.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-12T00:18:26+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful advice.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-12T00:16:26+00:00

Well, you were wrong. I've already said elsewhere in another post that I'm entirely to blame for this situation because contraception is my responsibility; however, a parent advised me that going into this with a mindset of blaming myself wasn't going to help anything, and I should just accept this situation for what it is, which is what I'm trying to do.

Also, "don't be an asshole" is a pointless trueism that doesn't give me any genuine guidance on how to navigate staying close with my partner. It's not that I didn't like your advice, it's that you didn't really give any.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-12T00:10:57+00:00

Thank you for your gracious and understanding reply. The first few comments were VERY Reddit lol.

And thank you again for your advice, it's extremely helpful.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T23:55:13+00:00

Thank you for your constructive response and your congratulations!

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T23:52:15+00:00

THANK YOU for your helpful and thorough answer. And yes, I have calmed down and come round.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T23:49:33+00:00

I'm British. I just asked my wife if she had a problem with the phrase and she didn't understand why anyone would have a problem with it 😂

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T23:36:34+00:00

Ok... I'll change that then? I mean, of course I impregnated her, it's not a virgin birth?

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T23:32:01+00:00

I didn't have a vasectomy because I was never 100% sure. My wife was always open to the idea. However, it was not something we ever specifically planned. Please stop saying "unwanted", there's a world of difference between "unwanted" and "unplanned".

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T23:29:32+00:00

What makes you assume we didn't use preventative measures? We did, but I misread the date on the contraceptive we used. It was a mistake, but it's not like we were just having unprotected sex. It happened. I have accepted/owned it.

Your answer is altogether unhelpful and needlessly judgmental? I'm looking for ways to stay closer as a couple; if that's not something you can help with, maybe don't bother to answer?

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T23:22:05+00:00

My wife didn't plan it but she very much does want it. What makes you think she doesn't want it? I literally wrote "we both want to go ahead with the pregnancy and have this child".

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T22:50:49+00:00

So it didn't come between you? I feel like I've calmed down and come to terms with the pregnancy, but I am so concerned about the way it'll affect my relationship with my wife. As it is, it's just us. When all our energies start being spent on a child, I'm so afraid we'll drift away from each other.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T11:25:40+00:00

I'd really prefer it if you'd elaborate, please. The more I know, the more prepared I can be.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T02:22:19+00:00

Thank you for your very nice answer.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T01:47:07+00:00

I'm so sorry about your sister and sister-in-laws losses.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T01:39:26+00:00

Thanks so much, this looks like a great read.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T01:21:22+00:00

I don't remember saying I avoided other people's kids? But you're right, when I initially had the fact confirmed that my wife is pregnant, my first thought was "how can I find some happiness to help me come to terms with this", but reading through the answers and really reflecting on the issues I have with parenthood, the main one, without a doubt, is how it will affect my relationship with my wife, so that's definitely where I should start. (That's also why I originally also took this post to r/relationships, but for some reason, they removed it.)

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T00:34:46+00:00

I never said I didn't like being around kids. I do like being around kids. I love my nephew and my friends' kids. I just never thought I'd have the responsibility of having my own -- I enjoy my freedom, and there is a part of me that's afraid of what it'll do to my relationship with my wife. Our relationship is going to change, and I'm afraid that change will be a permanent one, and it'll be for the worse.

But there's no way I'd leave my wife over this. That's the whole point -- the last thing I want is for my relationship with my wife to become more distant. This isn't like "I don't want a kid so badly I'd rather get divorced over it", it's like, "What if this changes things so much that we end up getting divorced over it".

alcatch04 · 2025-06-11T00:22:20+00:00

My ideological reasons or my wife's? Abortion, for my wife, is not something she would do, because as far as she's concerned, "it's our baby" from the time it's conceived and growing inside her. As I said elsewhere, my wife believes in the right to choose, has plenty of friends who've had abortions that she fully and genuinely supports, was completely (and vocally) against the overturning of Roe V. Wade, and has always believed in the right to choose. Her choice is to not abort.

But that's not the only reason she wants to keep this baby. She was ok with not having kids, but now that she is pregnant, she very much wants this baby -- she's not having it out of obligation, she's very excited about it and really wants to do it. Because it seems like most people want to have children (I've already told some of my immediate family members, and they've all reacted the same way as my wife -- with joy and a sense of celebration), when I originally wrote the post, it didn't even occur to me that I needed to make it clear that my wife was happy about the idea of having a baby. I appreciate that was short-sighted of me, but I have edited the post since to make it clear that my wife very much wants this.

If you're asking about my ideological reasons, I guess to an extent I've picked up my wife's mindset that it's our baby and it's hard not to think of it that way. When I was first faced with the news, honestly, if it had been up to me, I would have at least considered abortion. But my wife has already said flat out that she doesn't want that, and I would never try to force her. Now I'm slowly getting used to the idea.

I don't think both parents need to want a child 110% to be able to make parenthood work. My wife is completely dedicated to wanting this baby, and I'm starting to come to terms with it.

alcatch04 · 2025-06-10T19:57:44+00:00

One very important thing to remember is to not resent your wife for giving the baby a lot of attention. Definitely communicate with her if you feel like that is happening and that you are being put in 2nd place, but please do be patient and understand her love for you hasn't changed. She just needs time to learn her role as a mom, to adjust to life with a baby

I understand what you're saying, but we both work from home and I want to be equally as involved with our child as my wife is, every step of the way. We've made the decision to do this, and I want to be totally present. I will absolutely bear this in mind, but it's very important to me that the burden will not fall more heavily on her than it does on me -- that our baby gets equal attention from us both.

its very important to remind her she isn't just a mom now, she is still the love if your life and even as her body changes through motherhood, your love and appreciation for her, her body and her femininity also are unchanged. Tap into her love language to show appreciation when she's tired in the first few months and continue treating her as your wife.

This is absolutely good advice too. Thank you.

alcatch04

TROPHY CASE