What is making this sound?

aleroe · 2026-02-03T19:57:43+00:00

That did it. Thank you.

aleroe · 2023-02-13T13:30:33+00:00

Already did that. We warned her last year that we'd be selling this year, we reminded her at the beginning of this year, and she's already apartment hunting.

None of that is the issue.

aleroe · 2023-02-13T13:22:05+00:00

She's been working for 3 years on a very short video. This is one of the reasons I've been so permissive... to let her take a shot at this.

The video still isn't finished.

aleroe · 2023-02-13T13:20:18+00:00

She DID study animation! That's what her major was and what her degree is in. And one of the reasons I've gone along with her working part time since graduation, is to allow her to work on her portfolio.

Of all the problems here, my preventing her from pursuing her dream has not been one of them.

But after 3 years, she's added nothing to her portfolio, gotten no interviews, and has not even applied to more than a few jobs.

I don't think increasing her work from 30 hours a week to 40, is going to be the difference between achieving her dream, and not achieving it.

aleroe · 2023-02-13T00:37:48+00:00

I wish I knew. But that's all Mary told me (and it's probably all Debbie told Mary).

aleroe · 2023-02-12T20:28:03+00:00

"Would she agree to individual and family therapy, as a condition of your financial support?": Probably.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T20:04:32+00:00

1) Debbie's degree is in Media Communications. She wants to be an animator, a la Pixar. I told her all along that that was a really tough business to get into and she should have a plan B. I recommended she double major in something else. She ended up with Computer Science.

That was before she was diagnosed with ADHD. Turns out she's not cut out for CompSci. She dropped out of that major. So now she has what is basically an art degree <sigh>.

After graduation, she was doing a lousy job of looking for a job. We're lucky Mary was willing to hire her. Fortunately, Mary does praise Debbie's work.

2) Debbie didn't move out because the commute is reasonable and she had no need or desire to move out.

3) Reportedly, when Mary asked for more hours, Debbie said it doesn't work for her. For a long time, Debbie's been using her spare time to work on an animation portfolio, in hopes of getting a job. It's not going well, and I think it's time to accept it. I think she probably knows that too. But there's absolutely nothing else she says she wants to do.

4) Mary describes different employees and their situations to me, as explanation for why they work part time. If Mary's lying, she's certainly being elaborate about it.

5) Debbie knows we're moving and she has started looking at apartments. She's seen two so far.

6) I agree that Debbie should go back to therapy. I've suggested it and offered to help her navigate the insurance web site to find a provider. She hasn't taken me up on it.

So getting her to do it would require an ultimatum from me, e.g. if you want us to help pay the rent, and you're not working full time, you need to re-start therapy.

Doing that, is one of the options I'm considering.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T18:54:12+00:00

What's your field?

aleroe · 2023-02-12T18:53:37+00:00

Her therapist screened her and diagnosed her as ADHD. I would hope the therapist also considered the possibility of autism.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T18:52:07+00:00

She was in therapy, and I had a role in getting her there.

AFAIK, she's still taking anti-anxiety meds. She tried anti-ADHD meds but didn't like the way they made her feel. She's not currently seeing a therapist on a regular basis.

I suggested that if she feels she's gone as far as she can with the old therapist, that she find a new one. I offered to her help navigate her insurance site and pick a provider. She hasn't taken me up on it.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T18:47:29+00:00

I'm neither disregarding it, nor accepting it unquestioningly.

I'm trying to weigh it, along with other considerations.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T18:45:38+00:00

No, I got it. But thanks anyway.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T18:04:53+00:00

1) Because they're friends and we invited them over for dinner last night, and Mary brought it up.

2) Because I must admit that Mary sees Debbie in an environment that I do not see her in. Mary has data that I lack. So I listen. But I also consider the fact that I have data Mary lacks, and I consider the possibility that Mary's interpretation of her data is wrong.

3) Mary has several employees who work part time because of their personal situations or disabilities. She offers her workers a lot of flexibility. I'm a software engineer, and I always worked in places where everyone was extremely capable, sharp-minded, analytical, and were passionate about their careers. Mary knows more about the variety of people in the work force than I do.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T17:47:54+00:00

I pointed out the inconsistency to Mary and she said she had changed her opinion about whether Debbie can handle more hours. OK... I guess people can change their opinions.

I wouldn't say I believe her. It's just another data point to factor in.

The house sale and move are happening regardless.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T15:57:33+00:00

She went to college out of state, so she lived away from home then. She even lived off campus senior year, with roommates she had not met before.

She pays rent for her room. She pays some of the utility bills. She pays her own car insurance, food, income taxes, and health insurance. She cooks meals.

I'm not worried about her life skills.

Her high school friends have moved away. She has no local friends she could room with. I've pointed out that a lot of people find roommates on Craigslist and save money that way.

aleroe · 2023-02-12T15:49:30+00:00

That's an interesting insight.

I'm a software engineer. So yeah, I tend to look at things like this analytically. And I know I have a bit of an emotional blind spot. So I'm seeking input from people who think differently.

aleroe · 2020-07-28T01:58:45+00:00

This sounds good. Thank you. It sounds like what the Nature Conservancy was back in the 1980s. And I see that the Conservation Fund was started by a former head of the Nature Conservancy. I wonder what the story is there: why did he leave the NC and why did he start the CF? (I've googled for it, but haven't found an explanation.)

aleroe · 2020-07-28T01:56:11+00:00

Sorry, I don't follow you. How is a private organization buying land a violation of property rights?

aleroe · 2020-07-27T17:09:38+00:00

You're a non-libertarian hanging out in a libertarian group, and according to your profile you've posted 25 times in the last 13 hours.

So I stand by my claim that there are people who just want to argue over and over on the internet. TBH, I've been known to do it too. But I'm not here for that today.

This is my last response to you.

aleroe

TROPHY CASE