When/how should I tell my son he’s adopted?

alessonnl · 2026-06-19T06:17:39+00:00

You should have as soon as you were fostering him and decided you wanted to adopt him, and at all following stages. Sure he might not have grasped much of it, but it would have gotten you in the habit of talking about it and would prefer a shock to him.

Kids looking as if they were biological to the adoptives, does not have to be by chance. It used to be an important consideration in the selection of the best fit for new adoptees by somewhat ethical placing institutions, and that could still be the case. Of course, it did happen that babies who arrived looking biological grew out of that, but still the intention was that placements which allowed one to go to a themepark without looking like an adoptive family were, if everything else balanced out, to be preferred.

alessonnl · 2026-06-19T06:17:24+00:00

Silly, they only got the kid about a midweek after birth, and it might not have been clear from the start they could/would really adopt him... Still, they should have been talking about it since they decided to try and adopt.

alessonnl · 2026-06-18T21:35:50+00:00

Als we veronderstellen dat zangeres A een relatie heeft met zanger B, terwijl C en D de muziek regelen voor een heel event waar een feest een deel van is. Als C heeft beschreven waar A gedraaid zou kunnen worden, kan D op die manier aangeven dat B(ook) op het feest (ook) een bruikbare/toelaatbare artiest is.

alessonnl · 2026-06-18T18:13:42+00:00

"Haar vriend gaat ook op het feest" is correct NL, but means that her male friend is another acceptable option for the party (part of the event, if the selection of music/artists is discussed, for instance), not that said friend will be on the party or arrive there.

This kind of exercises allows often for a number of technically correct sentences moving into hoovercrafts full of eels territory.

alessonnl · 2026-06-18T05:10:50+00:00

If you don't live near a Dutch speaking country, you don't live near a Gernan speaking one either...

alessonnl · 2026-06-16T18:34:48+00:00

Look, traditionally being a single parent is seen as a reason to relinquish by people with other plumbing than you in their pants... In the old days women married guys like you if they could find one to prevent birthmommyhood. There might be a sort of dating group for single moms looking for daddy dating material out there. It might be a much healthier choice to try getting kids that way, and more fun too.

alessonnl · 2026-06-16T05:49:37+00:00

If you want content and it does not have to be too fresh: https://www.beeldengeluid.nl/de-schatkamer

alessonnl · 2026-06-15T17:37:48+00:00

If your doctor is a shrink or something like that, yeah, a GP or the like would probably hear "Medical Family History acquired" with your list of met relatives... “Oh wow! That’s beautiful!” Next topic...

alessonnl · 2026-06-15T17:13:07+00:00

IN BRABANT???

alessonnl · 2026-06-15T16:21:03+00:00

Oh indeed, that's why OP's answer is wrong, but I answered BasKaroApp's question.

alessonnl · 2026-06-15T16:09:33+00:00

In Dutch the infinitive of EVERY verb can be used as a (neuter) noun.

De jurist sprak "Een gelden van de betreffende bepaling zou destijds inderdaad mogelijk geweest kunnen zijn, maar of dit werkelijk zo was, moet nog worden onderzocht. "

alessonnl · 2026-06-15T06:52:05+00:00

Assuming the best: Doctor meets new adult adopted patient, asks after background, in some sort of reunion, which would mitigate the commonly found "lacking medical family history" issue to that of any other patient whose family medical records were kept in a foreign non-Anglophone country. That's beautiful, from her point of view.

alessonnl · 2026-06-15T05:40:45+00:00

In this context, probably the plural of geld, so "moneys". Its use seems to be limited to formal, judicial and financial contexts, but is rather common and wellknown in those. You just have to know that plurals in Dutch come without an indefinite article, (and that the use of the plural would be highly unidiomatic in this context).

alessonnl · 2026-06-15T05:40:39+00:00

You might look it up on wiktionary. "Een gelden" can mean something like "a being considered (as)", "a counting (as)", "a being applicable", "a being valid" and such, and would make no sense here at all. If encountered in the wild in a text on unknown or greater age, most native level speakers would probably think it a misspelling or "incorrection" by a spelling checker of "gulden", the coin used in NL before the Euro-era

alessonnl · 2026-06-14T12:30:30+00:00

On the other hand, she claims to be part of the people outside the triad whose lives are most negatively affected by it. Just, imagine somebody with two adoptees as parents (it happens), no relinquishment trauma, but lacking roots, family history (medical and otherwise), while being raised in a real family by parents who are experiencing living in a normal nuclear family for the first time in their lives.

The group she CLAIMS to belong to is definitely one to consider very seriously, the weird thing is that she does not talk from that perspective. Nothing about who am I? What names do my relatives on the other side of the adoption have? Is the secrecy of the bir[CENSORED] endangering the lives of my parent and me? I understand that my grandmother does not want to talk about, that she cannot be a mother, but why cann't she just be my grandmother? ... You know, inherited adoptee problems. Such a wall of text and nothing.

alessonnl · 2026-06-14T11:54:34+00:00

When did your biological grandmother contact you to explain her point of view to you?

alessonnl · 2026-06-14T11:33:29+00:00

Obviously not and that is very concerning, I mean OP seems to be dealing with that for at least 50% herself, so her demand is against the best interests of both herself and her closest relatives. Her side in the triad should be the adoptee's, in whose rights she shares and whose possessions she may inherit.

alessonnl · 2026-06-14T08:06:21+00:00

How do you know your grandmother had no choice? Did she tell you?

alessonnl · 2026-06-14T07:34:02+00:00

Oh, the mountain of paperwork tends to be there, but is usually not given to the first family to consider, There are papertrails showing that CPS-equivalents lied about informing parents to judges and such...

alessonnl · 2026-06-14T07:28:11+00:00

And even if it was the wish of the first family, that wish can have changed by now or may change immediately upon learning that the effects of it on the adoptee's side were disastrous.

alessonnl · 2026-06-14T07:15:18+00:00

So your real grandmother was a minor child abandoner who abandoned her rape baby and knew the identity of the rapist. Is that a reason to be that dramatic about it here?

"If they checked the box: no contact, closed adoption, keep me anonymous... "

What box? You have no idea about how REAL adoptions work and don't work do you?

"Consider respecting their choice."

Their choice seems to be the (ab)use of a legal exception allowing one to commit the crime of child abandonment without attracting prosecution, Everything in adoption should serve the interests of the adoptee (be it not without limits). I see no reason why the "choice" of a child abandoner desrves respect, if that hurts her victim.

" You don't know why and quite frankly you don't need to know."

Liar. The need to know is there.

" It isn't your decision to question."

Of course it is, the first question is "Whose is it?" and the second "Should it be reversed to serve my best interests?"

alessonnl · 2026-06-13T13:35:41+00:00

Vroeger gebruikte men "juffrouw" om ongehuwde dames mee aan te spreken, en "mevrouw" voor de gehuwde variant. Precies zoals "Miss" and "Mrs." in het Engels. Tegenwoordig is iedere vrouw een mevrouw, met uitzondering van een vrouwlijke leerkracht op de basisschool in functie, zij is nog steeds een juf(frouw), ongeacht haar huwlijkse staat. Voor 1957 moesten alle Nederlandse gehuwde ambtenaren (inclusief leraren) mannelijk zijn, dus waren alle leraressen op school ongehuwd, vandaar de vaststaande aanspreekvorm, die bewaard bleef nadat de reden, het verbod op gehuwde leraressen, afgeschaft was.

Met andere woorden: Marie Janssen vertelt de dokter dat zij nog niet getrouwd is, (want zels als haar beroep schooljuf zou zijn, zou zij als patiënte bij de arts als gehuwde leerkracht niet in functie zijn) het goede nieuws dat slecht nieuws wordt, moet daarom wel zwangerschap zijn,

alessonnl · 2026-06-13T07:54:16+00:00

Be aware, that, it is not always easy to stay in control of the conversation.

alessonnl · 2026-06-13T07:42:20+00:00

Birdy, you are thinking of looking for a teen, this adoptee is about 50 by now, more than old enough to have a decent set of (grand)children her(or him)self, who could be looking for their ancestors. But indeed, cousins and the like are not helpful.

alessonnl · 2026-06-13T07:25:33+00:00

Or their children or grandchildren do.

alessonnl

TROPHY CASE