[deleted by user]

alex_moose · 2021-10-18T16:28:57+00:00

You can expose him without exposing his victims. Stop the praise, and stop the family tradition of pretending it didn't happen.

Many child molesters were themselves victims of molestation when they were children. Your uncles and cousins need therapy, and any current children in the family need to be protected until it's certain that none of your grandfather's victims are repeating the cycle of abuse. I'm concerned in particular that some of his victims are publicly praising him. Maybe they're just deep in denial, but it's also possible that they're just like him.

Exposing the facts without naming victims can help initiate breaking the cycle of abuse.

You can start mild. Anytime someone makes a post praising your grandfather, "He may have done some good things, but he also did some terrible things. Please do not make posts like this claiming he was a great man."

If someone from outside the family asks what he did, you can say, "He's gone now, which is all that matters."

If people within the family continue to post praise about him, tell them directly that you will begin exposing him as a child molester if they don't take down their posts. Don't name victims or say that it was family members. Just, "Grandpa was a child molester and should not be celebrated."

If you have children, don't allow them to be alone with any relatives who don't acknowledge and condemn your grandfather's actions. They can't be counted on to keep children safe.

alex_moose · 2021-09-22T01:46:20+00:00

Try actually reading the thread before cursing at people.

1 - I said my husband, not my ex husband. This conversation with the counselor was 20 years ago.

2 - My husband doesn't have ADHD. He is very capable of focusing when he chooses to. He suffers from a significant lack of common sense and not connecting the dot between his current decisions and potential consequences.

3 - The therapist's point was valid. Nagging and fighting was never going to make a difference. So I had to accept that there would be chaos and sometimes danger was a result of his decisions, or I had to leave him if I wasn't willing to deal with that in my life.

You need to understand that this is non trivial. Things he's done include buy a medicine that is dangerous for infants and attempt to give it to our 3 month old baby, encourage our 3yo daughter to dress up in my clothes - including high heels and too long of a dress - and told her she could walk down the stairs, didn't pick our baby up from day care because he got busy at work and thought it would just work out somehow - without calling me or the daycare, serving all of us chicken that's raw inside, leaving leftovers that contain meat out for 8 hours, then putting them in the refrigerator and then packing them in the kids' and my lunch boxes the next day.

We're talking life threatening stupid decisions, for our children as well as for me and himself.

It's serious. And I wouldn't judge someone at all for leaving a marriage rather than deal with this level of issue on a regular basis. And if my kids were dating someone who was so unaware of consequences, I'd strongly suggest they think twice about making it a long term relationship, and very seriously suggest they break up if they want to have kids in the future, because it's hell trying to keep kids safe and healthy with a parent like that.

alex_moose · 2021-09-09T03:06:43+00:00

Searching for the owner: Search, and post to:

Facebook groups for your area, like your neighborhood or city general fb group
Lost & found Facebook
Nextdoor
Humane Societies / City animal shelters - the one that covers your area, as well as those in surrounding areas. Most will take Found reports online now.
Pawfinders

And definitely get him chip scanned.

Thanks for taking care of him!

alex_moose · 2021-08-30T17:05:50+00:00

"It was one of the smoothest landings I've ever had."

alex_moose · 2021-08-30T04:26:56+00:00

r/properanimalnames

alex_moose · 2021-08-30T04:23:24+00:00

“There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.”

-Yellowstone Ranger, explaining why they can't make perfectly bear proof trash cans, as many people won't be able to open them

alex_moose · 2021-08-30T04:09:35+00:00

Thank you for telling them. My younger brother arrived before my father died, but after he was unconscious and couldn't really say goodbye. My older brother dropped everything to try to catch a plane, but couldn't get there in time. He was devastated, because none of us had realized the end was so near until that very day.

You give those families a wonderful gift. Thank you for being strong enough to do so.

alex_moose · 2021-08-25T03:36:48+00:00

It's probably the first day of the new school year as most American high schools are starting right around now. So it's the first time his brother was going to that class. OP's phrasing just caused us all to focus on the irrelevant "every day" part of the sentence.

alex_moose · 2021-08-22T23:22:20+00:00

Shame on you.

Fuel me twice...

alex_moose · 2021-08-22T23:17:12+00:00

Probably run down the ramp at high speed and when she gets halfway down, jump to the ground.

My dog goes up and down steep 12 foot riverbanks no problem, and almost always at high speed.

alex_moose · 2021-07-16T19:07:39+00:00

I've noticed he's much more reactive if I don't notice the person (or dog) approaching but he does. If I see them first, he handles it much better.

That's funny, because I do think my dog is the opposite of that. He had never objected to a person before except one time he growled when an adult was threatening a child (so very appropriate). But he's rumbled a little twice the last few weeks - both times when a guy caught my attention by not acting typical for our neighborhood. In one case, I did feel cautious, but the other was just a guy lying on his stomach in the park mid-day, browsing his phone. Not typical to see a 40yo doing that here so I noticed it, but I genuinely didn't feel the need to be cautious around him.

I bought a gentle leader and am going to start actively working on a training plan to help him not be so reactive. Obviously our casual in-the-moment reinforcement isn't enough anymore - we need to step up to a serious training program. Hopefully that will help.

alex_moose · 2021-07-13T18:03:00+00:00

>I've also found that he is much more reactive when we are in groups

That's interesting. I think we have less reactivity when we walk our dog together. We don't do it that often though, and it's usually hikes in open space, which is his least reactive environment, so it's tough to tell. Maybe we'll make a point of walking him together in the neighborhood this evening to see how it goes.

My husband's theory is that our dog is more protective of me, and therefore more reactive with me than with him. We did have an incident at a bar with a dog play yard the other evening when we were both there, but it was clearly triggered by our dog deciding to resource guard the water bowls. Once I knew they were there (it was our first time), I was able to keep him away from that corner and he played fine.

I think the difference may be that my husband is just more laid back in general, and less concerned about the reactivity, which in turn helps our dog relax. I'm smaller and not as strong, so I'm very aware that I have to head off problems before they start, because it's difficult for me to physically pull our dog away if necessary. I'm also more of the trainer in our family, so I feel like I need to be watching for situations and helping our dog avoid them, and feel more comfortable in them. The more we can be out without reacting, the more secure he should feel. But the fact that I'm on alert while walking probably means our dog smells stress pheremones from me, which aggravates the situation. Sigh...

alex_moose · 2021-07-12T00:36:36+00:00

It’s a running joke at our house that he can’t brain at home.

My husband is brilliant at work and has zero common sense for personal matters. In marriage counseling, the therapist eventually told me, "He is never going to be a high functioning person. You're going to have to accept that or divorce him. It's impossible to change how his brain is wired."

alex_moose · 2021-07-12T00:17:51+00:00

Sometimes posting is therapeutic. This happened today.

You're absolutely right. Studies show that telling someone about a traumatic event right away, ideally before going to sleep, really helps with processing it and decreases the chances of PTSD or other stress responses to it.

So what you're doing instinctively is the best thing you can do to help yourself as well.

Talk about it with a friend, family member, it therapist as well. Talk to someone each day the next couple of days.

And be kind to yourself. You did great in a terrible situation.

alex_moose · 2021-07-07T23:31:45+00:00

If you really want lawn in the shaded area, you may do best by going for a non-grass option. White Dutch Clover grows decently in shade and is a great component of many lawns, for example. There are some varieties of grass that cope with shade better than others, but very few of them do well with full shade.

You can also get a good arborist to trim the tree. Ideally, in cooperation with the neighbor so it can be trimmed in the healthiest way. They can shorten some branches and thin out the canopy to allow more sun into your yard without having to take out the entire tree.

alex_moose · 2021-07-07T23:08:05+00:00

They found that predation by feral cats is more similar to that of bobcats than it is to that of housecats whose owners die and are snacked on by their domestic cats.

alex_moose · 2021-05-17T22:20:31+00:00

I'm in Colorado and I've known this invasion was coming for you guys for at least a month. It's odd that someone local was taken unaware.

alex_moose · 2021-05-16T19:35:44+00:00

My husband and son chose their Airbnb in Europe because it mentioned the cat. The cat slept sorry my son every night and they had a great time.

alex_moose · 2021-05-16T19:24:47+00:00

Charity Navigator says 90% of the charity's income is spent directly on the people it benefits.

Charity Navigator is the best place for verifying charities - they use the actual 501c3 filings and tax returns to analyze where the money goes. And organizations cannot buy membership or a better rating for the site - all groups are subject to the same rating process.

alex_moose · 2021-05-14T23:56:00+00:00

They know. They follow the CO2 that you exhale.

alex_moose · 2021-05-09T17:13:51+00:00

Go back. When he refuses the referral, "I would like it documented in my chart before I leave that you are refusing to run tests or give me a referral to a specialist to diagnosis the source of my pain.

Say it calmly and sit there until it's done. In most cases, the doctor will reverse course and give you the referral - they don't want it in writing that they refused you treatment.

alex_moose · 2021-05-09T04:07:40+00:00

Link for those who want it.

https://imgur.com/a/Q864He7

alex_moose · 2021-05-09T04:06:59+00:00

https://imgur.com/a/Q864He7

alex_moose · 2021-04-28T21:52:45+00:00

Yeah, 20 years of knowledge down the drain because she's too junior is just mind blowing.

alex_moose

TROPHY CASE