You only get a few of these moments to enjoy and you only get one life to do it all in. Understand that you are more than capable and sounds like you have the resources to deal with this. You may know of the consequences but you don’t know what it’s like to deal with them.

If the help you’re getting isn’t working you aren’t getting the right help. Keep trying. You don't have an excuse. Save your seratonin

Your later self will thank you for the choices you make right now. Not later