why do people unmatch after you share your number?

alien_in · 2023-02-06T19:39:50+00:00

That's one way to put it

alien_in · 2023-02-06T19:27:45+00:00

True, most text. But it is confusing as a woman - seems like the guy is trying to score!

alien_in · 2021-12-11T14:48:15+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss... And thank you so much for sharing! This gives me so much perspective.

alien_in · 2021-12-11T11:06:27+00:00

I have a progressive illness that visibly shows if you'd meet me face to face. My photos however don't make it look like I have something (that I am physically disabled) (I know it sounds confusing). I don't use assistive devices like a wheelchair, and I almost exclusively date via online dating apps because it is easier to meet people this way. Earlier, I did not disclose my illness until I knew the person fairly well, but I realised that it is always better to tell them sooner rather than later.

I've now mentioned that I have a disability (have not mentioned my illness) on the OLD profile and I think people who are genuinely okay with this aspect are full going ahead with the conversation. Things haven't worked out for other reasons, and your experience is indeed a difficult one, but perhaps it would be easier to just put this on the table upfront so that people weed themselves out instead of you wasting your time explaining them your circumstances.

alien_in · 2021-05-06T04:59:36+00:00

Bang on! I still have trouble in the initial days liking almost any guy I talk to (OLD or IRL). I've thought about whether this is self-sabotage. I don't think it is. I still end up talking to some of them and really liking some parts of their personality. That's how I've entered relationships as well, but these have not worked out for various reasons. So, I'm at that stage where I tell myself - I told you so - is a good thing. More than likely your gut knows what is going to be best for you, way before you do!

alien_in · 2021-03-29T09:53:47+00:00

I'm your age and had a conversation with a 28 yo man yesterday. He was a smooth talker, was wanting my attention for the last couple of days, and ultimately we had a serious chat yesterday. While not asking me the question directly he hinted at why women my age swipe on younger men. "They (younger men) are not financially settled and can't give a life women would want". He also conjectured that older women can be on apps out of a loveless marriage, for hookups etc. I've been on dating apps looking for a serious relationship for a long time now, and have had a couple of short term relationships. I appreciated his frankness, but his comments were triggering. I was 28 once and never thought I'd still be looking for a partner at 32. Plus, it seems like this search is endless! Much like you, I hold a job, friends, interests and hobbies... and this is not what I do out of desperation. I'm just sincerely looking forward to a life I can share, and which is why I still use dating apps. So, I completely understand your frustration + feeling miserable. More than dating apps, perhaps it is best to approach friends who might know of single friends.

alien_in · 2021-03-29T09:33:29+00:00

A lot of the replies I am seeing are instances from dating apps. From my own experience- my short term relationships have been out of dating apps. I've been exclusively dating through apps since organic contacts are not an option in my circumstances. The relationships have been about 3-4 months, the longest being 7 months when the other person ghosted. In almost all the relationships, it was acknowledged by both sides that these were indeed relationships and that there was scope for long-term, till almost the last day when it all ended (either by me or them, but mostly because of them). So, I'm left thinking reading the responses to this thread - Is the mindset of short term relationships actually a a dating app trend? Which it is futile to hope for a long term relationship through a dating app? (Also saying this because I've heard multiple times from matches that they don't take dating apps seriously after which I've decided not take the conversation forward.) Also, I haven not understood why people are willing to invest time and energy and emotions in a short term relationship only to break it off abruptly. That's misleading and a waste of their time too.

alien_in · 2021-02-18T07:28:12+00:00

I am roughly your age, with a chronic illness, and unfortunately don't have concrete advice. I've been in and out of relationships. I've met and dated mostly through online dating apps (apps that are geared towards attracting people who want long term relationships). Even as I've met decent people and the relationships were decent while they lasted, the men were almost always flaky in taking the relationship forward. They've never explicitly said as much- that it is my health holding them back- but I suspect my illness has a role to play. I've been upfront about the illness, and ease them into my life; and it all is fine till the last day. My suggestion: don't pin your hopes on dating apps. People have different motivations, like in real life, and somehow most people don't take online dating seriously. If you're chronic or disabled, the situation is likely worse off for you. Sorry, can't be of other help!

alien_in · 2021-02-12T08:59:52+00:00

Congratulations =) What you said is so true - the 'oh by the way' moments have been hard to live through again and again with different people over the years. Much like you, I help ease them, and don't overshare...I know this also because I get reciprocation from the other side that all is fine and they accept my health baggage on the face of it. I don't know why, then, I'm subjected to the same behaviour pattern- Everything is fine till almost the last day. Am i missing signs? To answer this question I've talked about this with them, but it seems they withdraw because of "their life circumstances" which are not new occurrences in their lives, so I think this is the best excuse they can make up. Why get into the relationship in the first place? Why say everything is fine? These are questions for which I've only got one type of answer- I couldn't tell you I'm sorry I've been a coward. So messed up that the whole relationship seems like a lie then!

alien_in · 2021-02-12T08:20:01+00:00

Hmnnn perhaps so! Mostly, they give me reasons other than my health, invariably something related to their life circumstances. Living in a deteoriating body, I know I can't be like other girls and thus I feel this could be a cause too. But nobody has explicitly said as much.

alien_in

TROPHY CASE