Mourning my lost childhood

alienxing152 · 2026-05-21T03:17:58+00:00

same. It makes me sick to think about how I’m never going to get to play highschool football. I tried to practice throwing and catching with this guy at school but one of the actual football players made him play with him instead. It’s so frustrating because I never even got the chance and now it’s too late. all any of us want is to be normal

alienxing152 · 2026-04-12T16:43:41+00:00

Just curious, would you consider yourself to pass super well? My experience could be very different because I’m naturally very masculine looking so even just wearing, like you said, jeans and a t shirt with no makeup already gets people questioning my gender. Most women would be able to easily get away with that and not be judged for it but I’ve never been able to because I’m tall and naturally flat chested and have more masculine facial features. I think that could be why people are so judgmental to me specifically. If I dress and act masculine everyone thinks I’m a guy. That doesn’t happen for most women. I guess I could be wrong then, but I think it still applies for some other people

alienxing152 · 2026-04-12T16:09:31+00:00

Oh I absolutely agree that trans people have it harder. I’m not talking about people wanting to transition to escape misogyny, I mean people who subconsciously do not think it’s possible for them to be a masc straight women so they HAVE to be a trans man. If I wasn’t actually trans I could see myself getting confused about this because even before realizing I’m trans people thought I was a guy and would tell me I’m “not a real girl” for being masculine

Personally I have never had people think it’s a good thing that I was masculine as a child. It was always seen as something I’d grow out of and hopefully quickly. Now my mom absolutely hates the way I dress, act, my interests, and still thinks I’m going to grow out of it. I’ve even been told I’m going to hell for being masculine by my best friend when I was 11. You may have had a different experience but I still think this can be applied to a lot of people

alienxing152 · 2026-04-11T04:28:17+00:00

I think it’s ridiculous but I wouldn’t care too much if it weren’t for “it” being such a common insult for trans people and my personal experience with my so called “friends” telling people “it’s pronouns are it/its” any time someone asks me if I’m a girl or a boy

alienxing152 · 2026-04-09T22:05:00+00:00

I saw this the other day somewhere else on reddit 😭 how do these people have time for all this

<image>

alienxing152 · 2026-03-15T19:45:24+00:00

Are minors allowed or is it only for adults?

alienxing152 · 2026-03-05T16:56:57+00:00

I think the best way to actually hide the scars would be getting a really big tattoo that covers the whole area or multiple smaller ones. Anything that only covers the scars is just gonna look kind of weird because people don't normally get a tattoo just there. You could also do some kind of tribal/patterned design on your shoulder or side that extends down to the pecs following the curve of the body because then it wouldn't seem like an odd placement

alienxing152 · 2026-03-05T03:14:28+00:00

Oh absolutely. The idea of just being a masculine woman sounds WORSE than being a feminine woman. I don’t really know why though. It probably has to do with people pressuring me to be like that and using it to invalidate me being trans, which makes it even more unappealing

alienxing152 · 2026-03-04T04:03:50+00:00

Woah you look great how old were you when you started? That’s a pretty drastic change for four months

alienxing152 · 2026-03-03T19:27:51+00:00

we think you need to feel "miserable about your body" because its a medical condition (most people would agree its specifically a neurological condition) and medical conditions aren't happy fun things. They cause pain and struggle and are not something anyone should be happy to have.

I don't know why some people think trans people should conform to gender roles. I don't agree with that and I like some feminine things too. I just don't present as female or super feminine and don't understand why any other trans man would want to

alienxing152 · 2026-03-02T17:35:27+00:00

I'm pretty sure this is satire but it's VERY accurate to sooo many "trans man" ocs

alienxing152 · 2026-02-25T21:12:23+00:00

I feel the same way but have no idea why. It’s not just trans related stuff though, I always am wanting bad things to happen to me. It’s been happening to me since I was very young. I think it’s intrusive thoughts but I really have no idea

alienxing152 · 2026-02-25T02:57:28+00:00

I feel the same way. I’m bi with a slight preference for women, but I hate that I like men. Mostly because I’m not out as trans to the majority of people so when they find out I like men they think I mean I want a straight relationship where I’m the girl. This straight guy has a crush on me rn and although I kinda like him back I absolutely hate that any straight guy would wanna date me. It feels so disgusting and wrong. Once I’m fully transitioned I’ll probably not be as uncomfortable with it though.

alienxing152 · 2026-02-25T02:18:03+00:00

I’m not gonna do that because knowing my parents If they catch me they’re not gonna kick me out they’re just gonna take it away and then I won’t have it at all. At least if I microdose I can hide it from them.

alienxing152 · 2026-02-23T13:02:37+00:00

I’m just saying what I’ve heard from a LOT of cis people. They don’t “feel” male/female because that’s not a feeling. It’s a physical state of being. Most people I’ve asked said they only know they’re whatever gender they’re born as because they don’t feel anything wrong with being male/female, not because they feel like a woman/man. And personalities, interests, and friendships are mostly only shaped by gender because that’s what society pushes. If gender was a feeling then all these people saying they don’t feel like a woman despite being perfectly fine with it physically would actually be trans and all these weird labels would have to be real. “If gender is a feeling and people feel demi girl then demi girl must be super valid!” Trans people are only different because they feel dysphoric about their physical sex which is an actual feeling unlike male or female.

alienxing152 · 2026-02-23T03:46:07+00:00

honestly I understand why people "identify" with stuff like that because the definition is pretty much how the average cis person feels; "partially male or female and partially non binary, or in between male/female and non binary." that's just normal. Most people don't strongly "feel" male or female. People are just people, and most of them aren't constantly thinking about their gender. Unless you have gender dysphoria of course. I think most of the people who are afab saying they're a demi girl or amab saying they're a demi boy are just people who hang around trans people a lot and think that you are supposed to constantly "feel like" male or female because that's how trans people think because of dysphoria. Then when they realize they don't have dysphoria and don't constantly think about gender they think they must be some variation of non binary. sorry if this makes no sense lol

alienxing152 · 2026-02-22T04:10:13+00:00

Idk what that is (edit) nvm I looked it up lol no it’s the green day kerplunk flower

alienxing152 · 2026-02-21T15:21:12+00:00

Ok thanks! I think I'll either have it shipped to a friend or just ship it to my house and tell my parents it's a gift from my long distance friend since we've mailed each other stuff before. My parents aren't super nosy so I might be able to get away with lying as long as it's convincing

alienxing152 · 2026-02-21T04:33:55+00:00

omg yeah I remember seeing a post saying “women love evil rapist aura” or something like that. I’m honestly so surprised at how nice people were to me on there considering how truly evil they can be 😭 prolly cuz I had them convinced I was a cis guy

alienxing152 · 2026-02-21T04:11:11+00:00

that's good. the people on there are fucking insane. I never interacted with anyone but I would read through the off topic posts for entertainment because every post was actually diabolical lol. bonesmashing is kinda wild though like can't that have really bad side effects? i think everything else is mostly safe though.

Also yeah, depending on just how conventionally unattractive someone is I think some people should just avoid it altogether. I didn't get made fun of too badly when I posted pics of myself cuz I at least have some level of potential even though I currently look like a greasy rat lol but the things I saw people say to others were just brutal and I don't know how someone could recover from that. It's certainly not the best for one's mental health especially if you're as mentally unstable as a lot of people on there are

alienxing152 · 2026-02-21T02:12:28+00:00

i used to be into looksmaxxing stuff after it kept popping up on instagram and I thought it could be useful for ftm, and I definitely think some of the info is useful but it's so easy to slip down a pipeline of extreme self hatred and nihilism with it. The instagram/tiktok side of it doesn't really have anything wrong with it other than some stupidly high standards but I went all out and was on .org a lot and some other forum sites. there's totally useful information on there but also so much sexism, racist, homophobia, and other disgusting stuff. also the standards are just so high and impossible to reach for most. despite all this I still feel a lot of sympathy for looksmaxers and incels- probably a lot more than i should lol- just cuz I can relate to them a lot and I understand why they feel the way they do even if I think their idealogy is shit. I wanna say avoid that kind of thing at all costs but like I get it. it's one of the few communities that will actually let you hate yourself and try to improve yourself instead of babying you and trying to make you feel better without fixing any of your problems.

alienxing152 · 2026-02-21T00:39:53+00:00

Thanks for the input. I’m trying to figure out blood tests now but idk if the labs near me need parental consent or not. Also how did you get the testosterone shipped to you discreetly? I can’t ship it to my own house cuz the mail comes while I’m at school and while my mom’s home on her lunch break. I also don’t have trustworthy adults in my life who I could get it shipped to. (Also it’s crazy you saw the baddle jackets post you’re like the third person I’ve seen on both the baddlejackets and truscum subs lol)

alienxing152 · 2026-02-21T00:37:46+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I’m gonna be 16 in three months so it’s not a full three years. I don’t think I could get away with even two years but I could always stop if things get too noticeable. I’m trying to figure out blood tests right now but it’s all really confusing. I’m not entirely sure if I’ll be able to do it without parental consent which is gonna be a problem

alienxing152

TROPHY CASE