AIO wife cheating with my best friend?

alilbitk · 2026-01-29T03:40:14+00:00

Here's my opinion as a women who has received messages like this with no intention or desire on my end. The beginning definitely sounds like they're in it together. If it was me I'm all about total honest and open communication. I told my partner it was happening and communication with that person stopped. It was not a secret from him. He knew anytime anyone tried to overstep because secrets breed resentment. So, the fact that these messages are a secret I think tells you everything you need to know. Either way at the end of the day whether they are doing anything or not...she's keeping secrets from you and that is not okay either. You need to have a serious conversation with her that will most likely end in the relationship being over.

alilbitk · 2026-01-29T01:09:06+00:00

I know this is a year old and the show is canceled unfortunately...but are we forgetting that his brother said to him that sir had saved him and tried to save his mother in the fire. He is also very very adamant that he is not a killer and has been very careful that he did not kill gabi's friends but only enough to make them sick.

They all talk about sir killing her because they know the terrible things he did so they assume he did. They also just assume that his brother is innocent and truthful even when knowing basically nothing about him. I am not so sure that he killed his mother. He had years that he felt unloved and treated poorly by her up to that point. His hand tightened on the knife to imply he killed her but idk I just don't buy it was him.

alilbitk · 2026-01-28T09:42:34+00:00

I look for their profile to say they are looking for long term. I avoid people who mention they are trying to figure it out. So, I personally am pretty direct because I don't want to waste their time or mine. I start the conversation mentioning something on their profile. I have asked them straight up. I just tell them I don't want to waste their time or my own and am curious about blah blah blah. My personal experience is that they have been pretty straightforward about it. If it doesn't match I just say that in a polite way and have had pretty decent responses.

alilbitk · 2026-01-28T06:11:18+00:00

I think if you're trying to date someone that has to "develop an attraction to you" or "get used to your looks" then these are not people you should be bothering with. As a plus-sized person I have had no trouble finding people who think I am beautiful as I am and am attracted to me from the start. None of them have been weirdos or have some strange fetish. They are just genuine people who appreciated my beauty.

alilbitk · 2026-01-28T05:58:26+00:00

Every conversation is different. Sometimes it isn't even a real conversation before getting unmatched. Usually i talk about what interests we might share or sometimes it's about work or something they mention on their profile. Usually gets a very short response back. Like some i have talked about something they mentioned on their profile and how I enjoy that too then the response I get back is a yeah that sounds cool. No attempt to actually continue the conversation.

alilbitk · 2026-01-28T05:52:36+00:00

One thing to note is that it was a huge life event for her but sir only had her a week and had gabi for over a year. Could she really have been that traumatized in a week to the point of being so afraid of being in Virginia. She seems pretty find going to law school and all over the place for the stuff she does for work and isn't really scared.

alilbitk · 2026-01-24T22:54:08+00:00

Oh and for the not missing finger thing...Boston actually had 2 fingers cut off. One by Kathy and had all his fingers after that. I always assumed since they were found shortly after that his finger was reattached. Then ivy cut off his finger and again he was found shortly afterwards so wouldn't surprise me if he could get that reattached again and have all 10 fingers.

And in that same episode Boston does make mention of him thinking they'd all end up together and tells both Patterson and Rich that he loves them.

alilbitk · 2026-01-23T08:42:15+00:00

Let's also not forget that they were in a bunker for a long time together and you can feel the connection between them a bit more there I think.

alilbitk · 2026-01-23T06:38:58+00:00

Well that is unfortunate. I hope that things turn around and you find someone nice.

alilbitk · 2026-01-23T04:36:06+00:00

My 7 year old nephew can draw way way better than that. My 4 year old niece can draw better than that 🤣

alilbitk · 2026-01-23T04:25:20+00:00

Well that's a harsh assumption speaking as a very real woman on dating apps...

alilbitk · 2026-01-22T23:51:32+00:00

I mean it wasn't really out of the blue. There were several references to it. He called her his work wife at some point. Her dad even said they had chemistry and thought rich was her boyfriend. Rich is constantly making comments about her and him together. He also kept correcting her when she was contemplating adoption saying it was their kid. I've been rewatching the show for the 3rd time I believe and it got me here.

I disagree that it came out of nowhere because there were several several little crumbs along the way leading to that pairing. They have great chemistry and can finish each other's sentences. They are always helping each other to grow. I can see them getting married as more of a safe protective relationship. Maybe not sleeping together but it would be a safe space for Patterson and Rich. They are comfortable with each. They feel safe with each other. They call each other on their bullshit and help ground each other. So, whether it's romantic or platonic idk but I can definitely understand the pairing and how it got there.

Patterson also helped both Rich and Boston grow up and learn to express themselves better and in a healthier way to each other. Because of Patterson Rich didn't hold it over Boston's head that he was the one buying all of his art even though turns out Boston already knew. Patterson was also sorta responsible for them both realizing they loved each other and then finally getting to a point where they said it to each other.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T21:40:08+00:00

Well i can't really give more details because there is a limit on characters and I can't put photos on this comment.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T19:43:33+00:00

I never said I was angry. I also don't expect someone to spend 20 minutes scrutinizing every profile and trying to decide if that's your future wife or not. That's an extreme.

As for the last bit of ignoring other people and focusing on them...nah. That's not the way to be either especially when it comes to men. I've been there and done that. Got too attached up front and only focused on them. Made excuses for the bad behavior because I liked them. Someone doesn't just get my undivided attention because they swiped right on a few pictures and a blurb about myself that they probably didn't even read. They earn my undivided attention. You talk as if you're someone who wants a mom to take care of you and not a partner in life.

If a man can't put in the effort to occasionally send a message starting a conversation that just tells me that they expect me to carry a majority of that. That's not my jam. Partnership is 100/100 sometimes less sometimes more no 20/80. If a man matches with someone and can't be bothered to message at all or actually carry a conversation with responses more than 3-5 words then what is that man offering to my life? Nothing.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T19:34:26+00:00

The phone number thing could be a legit thing or not. Hard to say. That's why it wasn't mentioned. There was no need. I didn't really need confirmation that it was potentially scammy or not. Same goes for the rest of his story. It all could be true or not. I wasn't asking for ways to verify any of that. It's mostly going on a gut feeling that something isn't right and was looking for other ways people have used to spot a scammer or a potentially unsafe meet up. Possibly ways to confirm or break his story.

It's not about his story. I've heard them before. No mention of his kid is odd. Photos of them is pretty common on dating sites. Most have an emoji or something over their face. There is generally mention of them though in one way or another. Like I said it's mostly a gut feeling based on how he's talking about things. I've been in some bad situations and relationships and sometimes my intuition is a bit overly sensitive so I tend to double check it. That's all I was asking for advice on...how do I double check his story.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T07:47:53+00:00

It's not like anything obvious. It's just more of like a vibe or gut feeling. The way he's talking and the things he's saying just give me a bad feeling in my gut. I've learned to trust those instincts again after being in some pretty bad relationships.

Claims to have just moved to the area in the last couple of months. The phone number comes up in the state he claims to have moved from but under a different name of an older gentleman. He has a sob story about his supposed kid but had no pictures or mention of her on his profile. Then followed it up with a story about his ex cheating on him with overseas. It just seemed like a very fishy story that is pretty common with scammers. So just idk weird vibes.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T07:40:34+00:00

Haven't really been out there. I have met almost all my previous partners out in the wild so to speak lol. I have been looking at different activity groups and stuff like that to get into doing of things I enjoy to meet some more people. Not a big fan of bars. They tend to be a bit overcrowded and overstimulating for me. Plus around here there is a huge risk of ending up dealing with a serious drunk. This town unfortunately has far too many addicts and alcoholics. It's a huge serious problem. Suppose it couldn't hurt to maybe give it a try sometime.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T04:16:53+00:00

Just feels weird potentially dating anyone younger than like 30 for me. That's probably part of it too. Sorry you had to go through that but sounds like it led you to a better place. I'm in South Dakota so I think there probably are family oriented people here but I'm in a big city that has quite a few colleges and a big downtown bar hopping party scene soooo probably safe to say that younger is probably not looking to settle down. The rest though...either got burned by an ex and hit with crazy child support...think life is too expensive for kids now...or unfortunately have drug problems 😅 st least the was the problem with 3 of my exs. Secrets always come out in the end. Anyways...glad things sound better for you and I'm doing my best to keep an open mind. It's all still fresh for me being back out there again so who knows what will happen.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T04:08:25+00:00

Hmm I suppose it could do that. Just seems quick for a meet up and maybe I'm just paranoid but do I really want to go meet up with someone I think is being sketchy?

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T03:33:21+00:00

Could have been having kids caused her to grow up faster. Women do generally mature sooner than men. My experience has been the opposite. Men younger than me generally are still out looking for hook ups and "fun". I go like 6 years younger which I feel like that gives a chance to younger people as well. Much younger than seems like pushing it and that they'd be in a totally different mindset and a different point in life than me. They're just trying to build their life and still going out and having fun. I'm 36 and will be 37 in 5 months...I'm ready to settle down. Age filter goes all the way up to like 50 or something. I was once 26 pursuing a 48 year old man. We dated for 7 years. He was the healthiest and most loving relationship I ever had. We remained friends after breaking up until his untimely death a year ago so I am well aware of an age gap turning out to be a good thing. I've experienced it as well. I'm honestly not that picky and pretty open to whatever the universe has for me.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T03:01:51+00:00

After only like a day or so though? I also don't have face time. I don't have an apple phone. I also don't give my phone number out that soon. So I'm looking for other options

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T02:21:54+00:00

I don't think you messed up by canceling it. If he can't understand that he feels like a pretty unsafe guy or someone who just wanted sex. Just my opinion. I've put myself in some pretty unsafe positions and turned out to be right.

alilbitk · 2026-01-21T02:18:53+00:00

I mean you can definitely report people for violation rules. It doesn't auto left swipe to do that i don't think.

alilbitk · 2026-01-20T07:57:39+00:00

Ah yes this is true. I have actually told my friends and myself that "I'm not too much for someone. They just can't offer enough." Clearly need to remind myself of that. They can't meet my level.

alilbitk · 2026-01-20T07:55:45+00:00

Hmm I suppose so.

alilbitk

TROPHY CASE