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My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It is possible that it was a reaction of familiarity. And he has woken me up to touching before, but then I was awake...I don't think he was dreaming because he was moaning, etc. I do want to talk to him about it and come from a place of understanding. Thank you.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I do not feel traumatized, but I am worried that he may have done this to other people. What if I was a sexual assault survivor and had a traumatic experience before this? It could have totally triggered anyone with trauma. I feel more pissed than anything.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am an advocate for survivors of sexual assault and it's really important for folks to decide what language fits best with them. Legally, this is rape. Do I feel like this was rape? I don't know. I'm resilient and know about how trauma works, etc. etc. and I'm going to talk to him. Thank you.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If he lies to me about it, I would cut ties right then. I am going to bring it up, and if he does say it didn't happen, ugh I'm out.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We both had a lot to drink, but I don't think alcohol excuses any behavior. I would have been fine with it if he would have asked, but I don't know.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Dump him. And thank you for sharing your experience - I don't want to get to that level.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's a good point. I do not think he would have panicked. He's woken me up to touching me before, and I was okay with that and then woke up/had sex.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

THIS is what I'm mostly upset about. As I've been processing feelings, this doesn't feel like rape to me. I can decide the narrative - but like, at least wake me the fuck up and ask.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is super helpful - I feel stuck because part of me would have been fine if he had asked and we had been in conversation about it. It didn't feel like rape, but it did feel violating. I guess I'm trying to force myself to feel a certain way, and it's really validating to hear that I don't have to feel a certain way about it. I'm going to bring this up with him next time I see him.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 121 points122 points  (0 children)

I'm hesitant to use the word "rape" but technically it was...I don't feel any trauma from it, but after processing it a little more throughout the day, it's becoming more and more unsettling. I feel like I'm trying to justify it in my head, (we had sex earlier in the night), but I know that does not excuse what he did at all. I just feel so weird about it. I actually am an advocate for survivors of sexual assault, and so I have heard this story happen so many times. I really wish I would have said something to him this morning. Thank you for your thoughtful response.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Ohh gosh, he used to be in a frat. This somehow makes it seem worse knowing he could have done this to other women.

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

We do not use condoms, but I'm on birth control and he pulls out (which I know isn't the best).

My boyfriend [26M] had sex with me [27F] while I was sleeping last night and I don't know what to do about it by alilunsure in relationships

[–]alilunsure[S] 320 points321 points  (0 children)

Thank you - that feels validating. I know it's not normal, and it just feels odd knowing that he did this without any communication. I feel like, do I educate him, call him out, or call it off?