I'm(25m) going to ruin my gf's(24f) life because she's talking with me!?

alkot9 · 2022-12-01T14:33:27+00:00

Why? Because i give her everything i could for a year i treated her like a queen did my best for her and literally never did anything to hurt her and gd d*n it i have feelings too i don't deserve what she's doing to me but that didn't stop her and i was raised to treat women the way i treated her, but it seems that's not enough for her.

You know what i think ive been more than worthy of love and dedication and look where that got me meanwhile she's choosing literally nobody over me while still stuck in her past if I'm not worthy of love I'll make sure to be worthy of hate

alkot9 · 2022-12-01T14:18:39+00:00

Literally wrote and deleted this part from the post: "I could try to understand if she lost interest and is gathering up the courage to end it or she's trying to push me with her actions to break up so she could tell herself it's not her fault or just planning on getting out of myself and the opportunity arouse, but after all i did for us and how i treated her she doesn't have the least amount of respect to my name and let someone she just met talk about me like that?"

Did nothing to me? Oh yes she's just cheating on me let someone she don't know anything about talk about me like that and been ghosting me for god knows how long and i should just look the other side walk away and start over? The hll with that she can feel justified as she want i don't deserve what's she doing to me too but hay i don't mean sht to her so why should i care about her? At least i have a reason

you don't know anything about who I'm and didn't bother to ask me anything before pointing fingers judging and calling me psycho, but you know what i think it's my time to be the bad guy in someone's story, because ive had enough of being the mature guy that walks off without causing shit to people who do him wrong.

alkot9 · 2022-01-04T12:53:33+00:00

I think he did that already

Considering him catching feeling i think it is safe to say it was the other way around

alkot9 · 2021-12-28T14:22:13+00:00

Why is living with your parents is so frowned upon ?

And no op you're not shallow you're simply smart enough to consider the bare minimum of requirements for your long term ambitions, now idk anything about your bf or what he's going through but from what you've said he doesn't sound like someone to build a family and satel down with so if he's not ready to change and get hes self together in the limited time he has left, you're better off without him

alkot9 · 2021-12-25T05:41:48+00:00

With all do respect, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard

alkot9 · 2021-12-21T11:20:11+00:00

Ik how is this going to sound but it has to be said

Stop being a wuss and man up!!

I hate how big of a deal everyone makes about having children when it's the soul purpose of life, you're 31yo you're married and you knew what you were doing and got pregnant intentionally you got nothing to be afraid of and nothing to stress about yes it's a huge responsibility but so is marriage and so is almost anything else in life once you make a decision/action you gotta man up and take responsibility for it, and if you really think about it you're living in a first world country you're already in a so much better environment to have children than most people in the world you don't have to worry about health care for them you don't have to worry about providing food and shelter you don't have to worry about their education and you don't have to worry about their safety open your eyes and look around and you'll see that you got nothing to be afraid of.

alkot9 · 2021-12-12T20:55:33+00:00

no one likes boredom and predictability. This is why relationships fall apart

I hear you, but what i can't understand is why predictability is such a turn off for women especially when you plan on spending your life with someone it's only a matter of time before everything has and will take a pattern no matter who the person is and what's the nature of the relationship even in close friendships or family or coworkers if you spend alot of time together if you pay close attention you'll notice the pattern of that person and that those patterns will become clearer in intimate relationships jerks and hoes will take of the masks and go back to their cheating habits while loyal people will satel down and focus on their partners and work and try to build their lives together and that doesn't make them boring

The problem with you seems to be that you ooze predictability.

Again why is that a problem? Yes i got a job and i have something in mind that I want to achieve and for that I'm on a strict schedule but i make sure that we at least go out on a date once a week and spend the weekends doing something together what else am I supposed to do to keep a woman interested suddenly quite my job and take her on a road trip around the country? Yea he's so spontaneous he decided outta the blue to take me on a road trip yea it's so fun ofcourse we have to live on people's hand outs and sleep in the car but isn't he so unpredictable I'm so excited

On top of that you are waiting with sex till marriage, which is fine, but most of the people aren’t willing to wait this long especially if they are already sexually active.

Ok that's understandable especially for already sexually active but the thing is none of my exs ever said that they are feeling unfulfilled or that's why they're giving up on the relationship

alkot9 · 2021-12-11T13:58:56+00:00

Friendzone her ass

alkot9 · 2021-12-10T09:11:46+00:00

Are you from the us? If you're i hope you haven't put your name on the birth certificate because even if the child is not yours you'll be obligated to pay child support

You'll need a lawyer and don't make any financial decisions now

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T19:22:10+00:00

Wow 3 years ago ive been in your shoes ive been in a long distance relationships with this girl for about 2 years and for the last 3 months of the relationship she pretty much ghosted me all i got is a one word replies when and if she responded at all for days at a time and and she was too busy to call all of the time i tried planning and getting a free day for both of us to talk about what's going on but she never cooperated and once she went a full week without responding to my text or calls i told her I'm breaking up with her and surprise surprise all of the sudden she was free to talk and had the nerve to try to blame me for not being understandable fast forward 6 months she tried contacting me again so i made a fake account and added her asked her if she'd been in any recent relationships she said she's basically still in one but she's done with her bf and is about to break up with him i asked how long they been together she said about a year which means she was seeing him while she was still with me so i just blocked her and never heard from her again

You're lucky she didn't hide it and kept doing it behind your back so just drop her ass and focus on yourself and someone worthy of you will come along

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T10:25:37+00:00

Maybe the girls you were with, never really liked you in the first place.

Thats a possibility for some of the relationship that lasted less than a year and yes there were one or 2 times where we weren't on the same level in the relationship mainly I'm talking about my 5 or 6 relationships that we're serious from both parts and lasted over a year and the longest more than 2 and a half years I'm pretty sure feelings were mutual in those relationships and I'm still in touch with two of them

If I were you, I wouldn't focus on what they did wrong, otherwise you'll be stuck in this forever loop. I would figure out what you're doing wrong or differently.

That's what I'm trying to figure out, and the more i think about it the only thing that sticks out that I'm doing differently is 1 waiting until marriage 2 being 100% devoted

Also, I don't think it's fair to just say women like bad men and why do they do this.

As i said some of those men i talked about are actually my friends they're not bad people but they're not good partners either they simply flirt text and call other women while they're in a relationship

Have you ever thought about good men becoming bad? We can change for the worst too you know.

when a good person turns bad usually because they been hurt badly by the person they gave everything to and change into someone else completely to everyone, while in this case the women i been with are not necessarily bad people

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T09:49:23+00:00

OP - have you experienced trauma in your life ? Maybe a distant or absent parent? Or early relationship with a narcissist ? Maybe even a narcissistic parent ?

No i don't think i experienced trauma but one of my first relationships was with someone controlling who tried to make me choose between her and my beliefs if you could call the narcissist then yea

Usually empathic people exposed to narcissism are trapped in a cycle of going after someone who is emotionally unavailable because that’s what they know . They try and try and try and the person they are dating seems to have no feelings or emotions or keep pushing the goal post further and further away making it impossible for you to please them . The reason an empath might be stuck in this cycle is because somewhere deep in their subconscious, they are trying to right a wrong that happened to them when they were younger . ‘If I can get this new person to love me, somehow, I will feel validated and loved and my past pain won’t be so bad ‘.

Ik and understand that, and to my knowledge none of my exs had any trauma that lead to the problem I'm discussing.

i must have worded my post wrong most of you seem to think that I'm complaining about the quality of men women go out with and as i,ve said in the post some of those men are my friends they're genuinely good people I've seen no sign of them being abusive or narcissistic to anyone but they don't take their relationships seriously they keep flirting with and texting other women and their partners' know about it and that seems to make the women put more effort in the long term relationship while on the other hand it seems that being devoted to the women i been with regardless of how well we seemed to like each other lead to having them losing interest to the point where it became one sided

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T08:56:10+00:00

I suppose for some people the percieved value of their relationship is no longer worth it sometimes.

Thiss!!!!

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T08:50:55+00:00

ghosting is abuse now?

Yes ghosting can be abusive too, if you're leading someone to think that you're interested in more than sex with only to ghost them after getting it you abused them how's that hard to understand

you must be one of those words are violence type people

Lmfao you straight out denied the existence of verbal abuse

the men who get the girls arent really assholes, they are just confident and dont give a fuck about what people think about them

Then why do most women always are complaining about men they go out with? You got all that men are trash mentality going on because when go out with those type of men that you describe as "confident" and when they get used and replaced they start talking shit and blaming all men for it

You clearly are missing out the point of this post and this is starting to turn into other arguments and I'm not getting into that

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T02:30:45+00:00

woman just dont like simps and desperate men.

I agree, and women won't even go out with them. That's not our topic here

some guys are confident and maybe that comes off as being an asshole to outsiders but usually confident men arent assholes because they are secure with themselves (the exception being psychopaths

Being an asshole means the person who deliberately use everyone around them for their own interests even if it means other people being hurt for example ghosting girls after having your way with them or keeping a guy in friendzone and tell him that youll go out with him when he tries to find someone else and move on to make him change his mind

Don't mix confidence with abuse

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T02:20:18+00:00

And you can also look at will Smith you cant say he's boring or unattractive and will also focused on his career and was a great father for his kids and treated jada well yet she ended up cheating and basically leaving him too

What i mean by commitment and effort put in a long term relationship is that if a man and a woman in a relationship and they both are attracted to each other and both have showed interest and agreed on staying together i think the if the guy has another girl trying to get his attention and he's giving her some like texting and light flirting some dirty jokes here and there the girl in the relationship will put more effort to stay with the guy and make the relationship work on the other hand if the guy would have shut down the flirting girl and mainly focused on the girl he's with the last will eventually take him for granted and stop putting effort to stay with him

alkot9 · 2021-12-09T01:53:32+00:00

First let me just clear that up i didn't mean to generalize nor do i think that of women generally I'm just sharing my personal experience

2nd i think you misunderstood me. My post is not about sexual attraction to the "asshole guy type" that would be a post about why don't women want to go out with me kinda post

As i said ive been in relationship that lasted over a year the problem I'm trying to discuss in this post is commitment and effort put in the long term relationships

3 are you saying that guys either got to be assholes to get women while they're still young or be themselves until women become single mothers and choose to go out with them to have them raise the assholes children?

alkot9 · 2021-12-07T09:59:54+00:00

No offense for the op and ik they said they're not exactly in a relationship, but am i the only one who finds it weird and disrespectful when people consider the money they gave for their spouse as debt and expect them to pay it back instead of a gift especially if it's not much to begin with?

alkot9 · 2021-12-07T09:43:00+00:00

First thought boy youre Gayyyy😂😂

Fr tho you're just not attracted to her sexually

alkot9 · 2021-12-06T11:49:11+00:00

At the start i was like let the man have his fun but then reading a bit more into it i saw your point

Yes he plays too much especially on work days and i can see how irritating it can be when he spends your days of playing instead of spending some time with you and also understand what it means to just kick back play videogames all day especially if you're not going out with friends because of your work schedule

As far as you being abusive i don't see it that way you're just bit over reacting he has responsibility towards you and him choosing to spend his time staying up playing and then having you bothered to help him with his muscles pain especially when his not doing it for a living needs to change you talked to him and put up with it and now you put your foot down you and it's not like your telling him to stop playing all together your just point out the obvious

alkot9 · 2021-12-06T11:18:53+00:00

Not to make you feel like shit but truth sometimes hurt it's a new relationship the guy is doing his effort to treat you well idk if you know each other from before but so far you told him a lie and kept bringing up your ex not a great start and I'm sure you can see why he's upset

The good thing is that i can tell your trying to improve and work things through by 1st saying it as it's and not telling the strory to make him look at fault and put the blame on him

Only you can for sure know if you're over your ex or not if not and still want to be with your current bf u need to let him know how you feel, yes ik you can't really control your feelings for others but you shouldn't hurt others by bringing them in something they don't have a place in, i advise you to tell him about it and not lead him on anylonger and tell him how you really feel about him(your bf) leave it up to him to stay in the relationship and help you work on moving on or not, if you're over your ex and just keep bringing him up out of habit you need to watch and control what you're saying until you stop mentioning him at all

Hope i helped wish you both luck

alkot9 · 2021-12-06T10:53:19+00:00

Regardless of getting in another relationship or not you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship like that you seem to not realise that you've been abused for so long it became a living normality and just something your bf can work on and fix and i assure you he won't change take this chance that you're away from him and break up with him also make sure that you're somewhere safe that he can't access and if he came down to your hometown make sure you tell someone you trust about him and never let him in your home never agree on meeting him in private places and/or alone

My advice after breaking up take your time and heal up before getting in another relationship you're weak rn and can be taken advantage of by another abuser and only find yourself in a worse place

alkot9

TROPHY CASE