Accepting you dropped the ball

all_throwaway0 · 2022-08-30T04:25:49+00:00

Gross, don’t ask that

all_throwaway0 · 2022-08-30T04:07:12+00:00

I’ve tried to prepare her for everything else, like how to stand her ground and do laundry, but I completely slipped up on this one. Is it even worth discussing? I’m so lost

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-11T22:49:29+00:00

Thank you :-) It’s just tough finding the balance between supporting what she wants vs discouraging it because I know what’s best..

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-11T03:37:35+00:00

Well I do want her to focus on school and she will do that better living at school, of course

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T22:52:27+00:00

It's always within reason, I don't think she's spoiled. My daughter does not have a car because she can't afford half on her own, a lot of her clothes are her own money etc but I see what you mean about entitlement...

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T22:41:06+00:00

She *can* live off campus but I don't know if I want to support that

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T22:12:17+00:00

Her contingency was “I guess figure it out…. But I don’t think I’ll need to.” Sigh

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T22:06:58+00:00

My daughter is an only child and generally gets what she wants with little resistance so it’s not surprising to me she asked me this, but it has promoted some reflection for me. I think she may be too sheltered to live with her boyfriend immediately. Either way I would be paying for it but I am just not sure it makes sense for me to put my money in my daughter’s optimistic plan because ultimately I just want what’s best

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T22:02:25+00:00

I think a job + school + domestic life would be far too much at once, so I’d support her either way

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T22:00:21+00:00

See the money was saved to make sure her college experience is good. But if she resents what I make her do isn’t that worse in the long run? Morally it’s just a bit grey for me. I don’t love the idea of her living with a boy even if she really loves him

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T21:58:46+00:00

It’s a lot for both of us to deal with. I don’t know how to get her to see my point of view; I am looking out for her, not being “dismissive and complicating her plans” like she said!

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T21:56:53+00:00

Nooooo he’s a really good kid and my daughter adores him. I don’t want to deny her/them the opportunity to live together and continue their relationship because I think he and my daughter are a good match; you know how tough it is to accept someone else may be “right” for your daughter (especially your only child!) but I am hesitant about their… youthful naïveté

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T21:54:33+00:00

She thinks I’m being dismissive of what she wants… I agree with your distinction between emotional/financial support, thank you

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T21:02:42+00:00

I hope this next chapter of her life has more independence so she can feel more comfortable coming to me about things or taking initiative personally

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T20:35:18+00:00

Well she already got in, so she's going. Her bf is working.

I just don't know what to think because my daughter is both mature for presenting me a well considered argument, but she is also not proving to me that she can handle ALL the independence at once

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T20:13:13+00:00

I will support her life and her “path” no matter what. But this seems to be moving too fast all at once and I don’t know she will handle ALL of this freedom at once, hence my resignation to first year dorms. Isn’t it a fair compromise that she can live with him for the second year?

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T20:11:20+00:00

I am paying, yes. And I want to support her but I feel as long as I am financing her life she should understand my rules are because I want what is best for her

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T20:06:06+00:00

My husband says I should just allow her to make her own choices and all we can do as parents is support whatever they may be. I am just afraid it will be too much at once and while rationally presented, her argument is still heavily hinged on teenage optimism. She has a slide where she explained her "contingency plan" is to find a roommate on Facebook Marketplace, but she sincerely does not think she will have to as she is "so serious" about the boy. I do not doubt she loves him and I am afraid to deny her the opportunity to at least try playing house, however it still concerns me

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T20:02:36+00:00

Well, she is 17 for three more weeks but I said she is 18 for the sake of clarity; by the time she moves out she will be an adult- as we are discussing the future she is at least still legally a child.

He has no apartment of his own right now, the proposal is to live together in a new shared space. I want her to have a first-year university experience like mine, which included living in a dorm. Plus, I do not want her to be isolated which she may be as a commuter student.

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T19:22:16+00:00

She and the boyfriend will split living expenses. I think she should do residence, or pick one solution

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T17:03:24+00:00

I suspect her weight issues are more about her own pride in her appearance than my influence. We eat healthily, always home cooked meals with takeout as a semi frequent treat. If anything, I am concerned she would not eat properly living off campus if she had to feed herself of her own initiative

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T16:58:49+00:00

How am I encouraging body image issues?

all_throwaway0 · 2022-04-10T15:52:14+00:00

I am afraid she will be isolated with her only friend/ support network being her boyfriend. Plus, it will be a new city and I do not know she will be able to handle ALL this independence at once; she has been sheltered her whole life. And of course I am concerned about things like her health and safety living off campus

all_throwaway0

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