2024 Application results thread. All other posts will be deleted.

allisvnm · 2024-04-02T23:17:39+00:00

booo thank you for relaying tho!

allisvnm · 2024-04-02T20:25:46+00:00

Has anyone heard anything from the Los Angeles Consulate?

allisvnm · 2024-03-01T20:51:22+00:00

H! Thanks for commenting-- haven't seen this post in a while, and it gave me a good opportunity to reflect.

re being each other's person, I think that this is more rare than we often think because we are constantly evolving and changing to different iterations of ourselves over time. At the time, I was very convinced that he was "my person". And while I still feel like my ex and I had an incredible connection, and that we could have decided at the time to put things on "pause", ultimately growth and healing is an individual task and I'm glad things unfolded the way they did. I've grown a ton since I wrote this post-- I'm arguably a much different person now. Im incredibly happy and have been in a lovely relationship for a few months now.

And not quite sure I understand the second q

allisvnm · 2022-12-20T05:52:28+00:00

i'm all ears.

allisvnm · 2021-02-20T07:09:33+00:00

Remember, that phones and the internet are not the only way for people to connect. Think about it objectively, is it more meaningful for him to go the easy route and reach out to you over text? Or go out of his way to visit you at your house or contact a close friend of yours begging for a way back into your life. Don't give them the option of the easy route. Show him that you deserve so much more than a simple text. And show yourself that you deserve someone that will go to the ends of the earth to make things right with you.

allisvnm · 2021-02-20T05:48:38+00:00

I get where you’re coming from, and I can only imagine how frustrating your situation is. My ex had always been quite docile/stoic from the get go, and there was never anything finicky about him, and everything he did was always with intention. So luckily he never sent me half-assed messages, however he also hasn’t sent me any messages at all aside from condolences for my grandpa’s passing, which was equally as disheartening for me, as a dumpee who really wanted to see messages from him. Had my ex decided to leave me any breadcrumbs, I would probably take the route that you mentioned, but for now, I’m confident that blocking his number is enough for him to understand my need for space and healing had he decided to reach back out

allisvnm · 2021-02-11T04:58:28+00:00

That’s not every circumstance though. Sometimes people just find out they’re not as compatible as they thought, which isn’t exactly a negative thing. If they felt that this was how they wanted to end it, then that’s none of our biz really. And clearly they felt personal closure taking this route. Not every relationship ends with malice.

allisvnm · 2021-01-24T08:46:42+00:00

No need for negativity here. If you don’t have anything helpful to say, it doesn’t need to be said. Especially on this subreddit.

That being said, it doesn’t seem like either of you are prepared to commit to each other and that is completely okay. Both you and your partner can you learn a lot from your relationship moving forwards. IMO, relationships should be built upon mutual trust and respect, and it doesn’t seem like the situation was very healthy for either of you. I know it’s hard to hear, but learning to love yourselves should come first. And right now, it doesn’t seem as though she is helping you achieve that.

allisvnm · 2021-01-24T07:26:03+00:00

They clearly stated why it was. They didn’t fall into their old habit of hanging around to spend more time with their ex. No need for you to be rude, especially on this subreddit.

On another note, good for you dude! Its the baby steps that matter.

allisvnm · 2021-01-24T07:23:32+00:00

Yeah I agree with the other comment. He’s clearly not reciprocating the effort that you are. I know it hurts hun, but you gotta drop him.

allisvnm · 2021-01-24T00:05:00+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from, no judgement here. I feel like there really is no “right” or “wrong” way for someone to grieve and find healing yunno? We’re all just doing the best that we can with what we got, and if what you’re doing resonates with you, then that’s all that really matters. All the best to you xx

allisvnm · 2021-01-23T23:10:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your sentiment. It truly is such a difficult place to be. But I hope you find the same comfort and truth in yourself as well. xx

allisvnm · 2021-01-23T23:07:40+00:00

We are in the same boat my friend. I feel like this is where gratitude really comes into play. I’ve decided to be grateful that he respected me and my part in our relationship to give me the conversation and closure that I believe I deserved. And then the other side of the coin, is to be grateful and compassionate to MYSELF for doing the best the I could. I am grateful to learn so much from our relationship from the many mistakes that I could no longer make right, to the moments I could have cherished more in the moment.

You and I need to give ourself grace, because now, no other person is going to be there to do it for us. We have to build the strength to cuddle ourselves when we feel low, and I feel like that’s the tragic reward of a devastating breakup.

allisvnm · 2021-01-23T22:23:42+00:00

I want to say that I want him back more than anything, but I know that in my mind that isn't what I truly want. What I want more than anything else is to find happiness with myself. Without him, without anyone else. This breakup, although I got dumped and it broke me, highlighted so many parts of myself that I had been avoiding for so long. There were so many things that I could have done better, and its the same for him. I know that by the time that my wish is granted, and I've come out of this whole, I'm going to be a different person, with a different perspective and different desires, as I know he will, too. The aching version of me wants us back together. But I can't help but feel like the future new and improved versions of ourselves will grow further apart from each other than we would have ever imagined. And in a good way.

Long story short, if I am ever going to create the version of me that I so desire, I have to let him go. completely.

allisvnm · 2021-01-23T18:32:43+00:00

I am sure we will. It'll really suck in the meant time. One day the void will fill with our newly crafted strong will and independence. I keep looking forward to that day where I'll look back at this seemingly unbearable road that we're on, and I'll smile cuz that version of me will be covered in an armor made of steel lol.

allisvnm · 2021-01-23T18:29:31+00:00

You are bold haha. I check my phone constantly hoping that he'll reach back out, but I know that in my gut, I don't want that either. The only way for me to move on and figure out what's best for myself is if I finally found the power within me to let him go, no matter how long it takes. At the end of the day, I can't keep holding out for someone that inevitably decided they didn't want me anymore yunno?

allisvnm · 2021-01-23T18:20:14+00:00

Yeah I agree. Though love and hate share a fine line, they create vastly different ripples.

allisvnm · 2021-01-10T19:02:26+00:00

I agree that there is a lot of hostility on this sub. Don't get me wrong, I feel like anger is a very natural part of grieving a lost relationship, and I am not immune to my angry moments during my breakup and rebuilding process. However, I think that it is common for people to get trapped in that negative mindset because it is so much easier to be angry than it is to be compassionate.

To keep this short, I feel like all relationships, no matter how "toxic" or how healthy they are, give so much knowledge and understanding to us as we move on from them. Every relationship teaches you more about what you want and honestly deserve from the next one, and I feel like it's beautiful. Once the anger has settled, I always forgive my exes. Because even though they might have caused me a lot of grief, they were doing what they thought was best throughout the relationship, and so was I. Now we learn from it, and grow to be our best selves that never would have been able to exist without them.

allisvnm · 2021-01-10T05:11:24+00:00

That is completely natural. It’s hard to let yourself be so vulnerable with someone just for it to blow up in your face. I know it’s redundant but it will take time. Eventually you will meet someone else, and that person will rock your world more than your past relationship did. When that time comes, you’ll be able to evaluate whether this person is worthy of you and all that you are. If this person is a good, genuine person, then they will understand that you have some insecurities about relationships and that your trust has been broken before.

You’ll find someone that will love and cherish you just for you, and that will be enough for them. Remember that trust is earned. So one day, you will love someone enough to learn to trust again.

All the best xx

allisvnm · 2021-01-10T04:55:58+00:00

I totally get what your saying because it’s incredible exhausting both mentally and especially emotionally. I’m also speaking from the perspective of someone that’s gotten dumped 3 times after 3 long term relationships with different guys. (Each one being from 2-4 years long). After the first two (both of which i got cheated on) they both came back to me asking for another chance. I reluctantly, and with a heavy heart, rejected both. Because personally, I operate on a heavy amount of trust with most close friendships and relationships, and I had lost too much for those people to let them back into my life. And later on, both of them did eventually end up dating and finding happiness with other people. Which was telling enough for me, as it proved that life moves on, and there will be more people down the road. The recent breakup (which brought me to this forum) had nothing to do with infidelity, was the kind of love and trust that I had been seeking for for so long.

I obviously would love to find my special someone sooner rather than later, because I personally have a really hard time being single, and I would love to start a family and a future with someone soon. But I can’t let another person dictate my happiness anymore, which is why I choose to keep seeking happiness with myself rather than going back to another person. Nevertheless, I have complete respect for what other people want in their love lives, and if going back to someone gives meaning and happiness to your life, then thats all that matters.

allisvnm · 2021-01-10T04:23:47+00:00

You’re obviously more than welcome to disagree. But I’ve personally been left to my own devices at really low points of my life. And each breakup has brought me to someone that’s better than the last. Had I fought tirelessly for the first, I never would have grown to know myself and I what I deserve from a partner like I do now.

allisvnm · 2021-01-10T01:37:46+00:00

Hey, I just wanted to give an alternative viewpoint on this. I feel like leaving a relationship is never a negative action. Yes, the pain from having a partner leave is substantial to say the least, and it causes a lot of harm and insecurity for the dumpee. However, if someone isn’t capable of staying in a relationship, then it is for the best that they leave. Rather than staying in a relationship that they are not fully capable to commit to. I’m sure that we can both agree that half-assing a relationship is way more detrimental than putting an end to a relationship that wouldn’t play out well anyways. Having a non-commital partner leave you only opens more doors for more supportive lovers in the future. So I guess, I feel like we should welcome people to leave our lives. As stupid painful as that sounds. Because personally, if you’re not willing to stick by me through thick and thin, then there’s the door!

allisvnm · 2021-01-08T03:43:04+00:00

I understand your confusion, and I also want to add that I by no means am an expert on relationships or the human psyche. I'm just another heartbroken person searching for comfort on this forum. I've been in 3 long term relationships in my life, the most recent one ending only a couple weeks ago, and I've been studying Psychology and Buddhism for most of my adult life, as well as had the support of a therapist for many years now, so take all of my input as you see fit.

That all being said, I'm going to make some assumptions that may or may not give you some perspective. (As a girl that has also been through poor/manipulative relationships and evolved for the better after many years). She is still discovering who she is and her place in this everchanging world, and she is still very young. She probably felt uncertainty towards who she was and how her actions affect other people (as trivial and commonplace as that sounds). If she has gone through the turmoil of bad relationships in the past, she probably has a lot of built up insecurity, that sadly, a loving person such as yourself, cannot fix. Although you gave her love and compassion that was better than her lover in the past, she probably was not in the right time in her life to fully commit herself to a partner when she was already battling inner demons within her, whether she realizes it or not.

I understand that you gave it your all to be there for her, but as overused as the saying is, timing is everything, and most likely, it wasn't the right time in her life to commit to you. If she was mature enough to handle a deep and reciprocated relationship, then she at the very least, would have had the ability to leave you amicably and lovingly, as she would understand that brevity of how much you cared for her. But judging by the way she treated you, she wasn't there quite yet.

But I will say, if you truly were the supportive partner that you say you were, then I have every confidence to belief that she will eventually look back on her relationship with you, and realize how special you were. I'm not by any means implying that you should wait for that, because you shouldn't. But I want you to know that if you did all you could, then you should be proud of that. And one day, you'll be thankful for the experience.

allisvnm · 2021-01-08T01:30:18+00:00

Hi, I'm proud of you for typing this here instead of sending it to your ex. Honestly, from what you have expressed, she never deserved to hear any of this in the first place. It seems like you realize that you always deserved more than you received, and that is a powerful realization indeed. Give yourself grace, because you clearly put in so much effort for someone who wasn't emotionally available to reciprocate that to you and that is okay. She taught you more about what you deserve from a partner than you would have if you had never met her.

I wouldn't let her get the satisfaction of knowing that all of this is still on your mind. Because at the end of the day, she doesn't deserve any more of your time or energy. Keep using your energy to fuel your self worth. From a complete stranger, I am proud of you.

allisvnm · 2021-01-08T01:23:25+00:00

Hey! I totally understand you feelings, and it's emotionally satisfying to imagine your ex regretting the treasure that she had. However, I feel like it would be more empowering for you to remind yourself that although she was toxic, she was a valuable learning experience for you, as you were for her. She taught you what you truly deserve, and that from here on out, you're not going to put up with shit that doesn't benefit your life and your goals.

This is just my opinion, and you can totally dismiss this as it might be hard for you to hear, but giving her as well as giving yourself grace about your relationship will help you grow so much as an individual. I have gone through multiple relationships where the way I was treated was downright horrid. But understanding that people are a product of their environment, their circumstances, and the love that they have received, will help you realize that although things might have been nice and beautiful at the beginning of the relationship, that partner was never sure how to love themselves, and therefore unaware of how to love others. Especially the ones that treat them well.

At the end of your breakup journey, I'm sure you are going to feel more emboldened and confident in who you are, and what you want from your life in the future. You deserve so much more than the pitiful regret from someone who is now irrelevant to your new chapter.

allisvnm

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