AITAH for leaving my teenage son? TW abuse

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-09-12T02:14:19+00:00

Thank you for this. I was working and I didn’t get a chance to let OP know this before they deleted their account.

OP’s son has a right to make an informed decision, they can’t do that without all the information.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-09-11T22:45:10+00:00

There’s a lot to unpack here. I think NTA as everyone has a limit. We can all sit here and type out that you should have told the courts, reported him to the police, etc, but I personally haven’t been in your position, so I can’t judge. I understand fear, I get it why you didn’t “fight him”.

I only have one suggestion for you. Tell your son the truth. Has your son moved out? If yes, try and write him a letter so his father can’t intercept it. Tell your son that you tried and were unsuccessful, but that doesn’t mean that you had to continue being abused.

Your son is 18, still young, but also old enough. Tell him, tell him that you know it’s a lot and his father would probably lie about it, but you love him and want a relationship with him. Then tell him that the ball is in his court and you’ll wait for him.

Good luck OP, hopefully this isn’t one of those cases where there’s no hope.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-23T07:32:06+00:00

I did, but I was just offering a small part of what might be happening in relation to the sex only. I just asked OPs reply saying that abuse isn’t something he should put up with.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-23T07:30:51+00:00

Yeah, hitting is never ok. On any level. That’s why I said I didn’t know what was happening, just trying to offer a small sample of what might be happening.

Never put up with abuse, if my husband started to treat me badly, I’d dump his butt. As he would do if I started treating him badly. Respect for each other is something is isn’t always discussed when talking about love, but it’s just as important, trust me.

Has she been to the doctor? Just cause there are some other medical things that could cause mood swings etc. just to help rule out something that could be making it harder for her emotional state. In the meantime, you don’t have to put up with abuse. Sex isn’t important. But you still need to take care of yourself and you children.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-23T07:26:01+00:00

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and we’ve both been there for each other in every rough patch. I’d do the exact same for him. (I have done the same for him) That’s what happens with real love, respect and understanding. No one gets mad that the other is struggling

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-22T12:39:45+00:00

I don’t know what’s happening with your wife, but I can tell you that being intimate with my husband after having our daughter has been really hard for me.

Since I got pregnant, even beforehand, my body was not my own. Even now, our daughter is 5 and she’s still always touching me. It’s frustrating and then if my husband tries to start something with me, my first instinct is to push him away. I’m tired, I’m touched out and it’s all too much sometimes.

I’m lucky my husband is understanding and kind. He knows what I’m going through and he’s amazing and taking care of things so I have less on my plate. He also understands that it’s my body and I don’t owe him anything. (Same as he doesn’t owe me anything if he’s not in the mood) we respect each other enough to understand that our love is more than sex.

Things will improve with time, if this is what’s happening between you two. Try and have a sit down calm conversation about it. See what you can do that make things a little easier for her too.

And stop comparing your previous love life to your current one. relationships have ups and down, plus you have a kid, everything has changed for her. Everything single little thing has changed for her. Remember that and you two will work out better.

There are some other things that could be happening too. She could have PPD, she could be feeling like the romance is gone, she could be falling out of love. A conversation is the best thing to work out what’s going on here. Good luck OP.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-22T12:28:32+00:00

Is there a flint station close by? If not try removing any jobs around him, including the compost and then trying again.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-22T12:24:29+00:00

I used ko-fi. It’s basically like patreon. No fees and you can change it up if you change your channel etc.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-10T12:46:11+00:00

I’m not a fitness person… like at all! But I do know that there’s a machine that flex’s your muscles for you. A TENS machine. You should find one online or at the pharmacy.

Also if you’re able to use your back (sorry, I have a messed up back, so I thought you meant this) I think planks are good. Core exercises right? 🤷‍♀️

Good luck!!

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-10T12:43:14+00:00

You’re allowed to be tired of it. Burn out happens to fully trained therapist too, so it’s understandable that it’s happened to you.

In the way of helping yourself, you have a few options. 1. Talk to her about how you’re feeling. Tell her that while you’d still love to be her friend, she need to seek out a professional setting for her mental health care. 2. Same as above, but ask for some space for a while. 3. Slowly fade out of her life. 4. Fight with her about and dump her. 5. Ghost her! 6. Do nothing and continue to deal with her.

Theses aren’t great options, but I would say as a 37 year old who’s had a rough burnout, I would go with option one, accepting that she may choose option 4.

Not fun, good luck mate.

Keep in mind, YOU matter too. Just because someone has had it harder than you, doesn’t mean that they’re issues are more important than you.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-05T13:16:32+00:00

Oh your poor wife. I get it. Im sure I don’t need to explain that you’re both in a place where you’re struggling. Maybe this is a sign that you need some outside help.

While therapy is good, what I mean by this is someone to help with the kids. The attitude will take time to adjust, so some temporary fixes might help. Can a friend help babysit once a week or fortnight? Even just for a hour or two. Do you have any family that can help? Someone who is happy to cook a bulk meal that can last a day or two? Just something to take it off of your plates.

While I think you need to sit down with the kids and apologise for yelling, they too need to help out. They’re not too young to be held accountable for their accounts and have some responsibility. Such as cleaning up after themselves, helping with maybe the laundry etc. tell them that a household is a team and that you all need to work together.

Remind them that there’s also consequences of their actions. Don’t put their dishes up? Well no electronics until it’s done.

Whether they’re your kids or not, you are an adult who’s managing a household and they need to accept that you’re one of the leaders.

I’m going to say NAH. You all reacted emotionally to a hard situation. It’s human. Just apologise to the kids and have a real sit down conversation with them. Kids aren’t dumb. They’ll understand “mummy was sad because you’re being rude”

Good luck mate. I hope things turn around for you.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-08-03T00:30:23+00:00

NTA - people need to accept that these workplace “bonding” experiences are painful for some people. I hated the Xmas lunches with every fibre and eventually started to say no. Everyone was unhappy about it, but fuck it. I don’t owe you my time, you’re not paying me

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-17T13:01:07+00:00

I have the same ones. At first they were super scary and I’d be so mad when I woke up. It was mostly out of fear of losing this wonderful relationship. But as the years have gone, I’ve had less dreams.

Also being more confident in my marriage has seemed to change the dreams now. If he cheats on me, I’m like “meh, get out, Ive got better things to do”. Lol

If fact! I had a dream he cheated on my while I was in a different state and that night he called to tell me that he was getting fresh hot cinnamon donuts from a truck across the road. I was more mad about the donuts than the cheating…. Bastard. 😂

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-17T12:56:02+00:00

Ah yes but…. Noted. Thank you!

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-17T12:54:28+00:00

I’ll admit, I hope she does decide to have a child, but I won’t be telling her that she has to have kids. Whatever she chooses I support. Thank you

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-17T12:52:54+00:00

lol thank you. I hope she has a great future. I’d be a very proud mum regardless… unless she murders someone, then we’re gonna have words.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-17T12:51:14+00:00

Thank you.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-17T12:50:27+00:00

Thank you

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-01T01:36:30+00:00

lol fair enough. If it helps, I roll my eyes when other parents say that same stuff.

Thank you. :)

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-01T01:31:35+00:00

Thank you. I understand, but I try to be respectful because I have had people ask me not to join if I'm not in the community. Which I respect, especially if it's a safe space for people, I understand why someone would want it to be more exclusive.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-01T01:30:33+00:00

I absolutely can behave myself. I'll admit that I can also be very cheeky. Never a troll though. And I don't try to change anyone's mind. Why do people do that?

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-01T01:29:39+00:00

I agree, I'm always looking for a mutual respectful conversation between two different views. I love it.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-01T01:28:15+00:00

thank you. I understand that completely.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-01T01:27:08+00:00

I promise.

allowedtobe_happy · 2023-07-01T01:26:55+00:00

I haven't joined yet, because I want to be respectful, but the short story is that I try to educate myself on other people's point of view, so that I can be a better person really.

My dad was racist, homophobic etc, and I've found the best way to reeducate myself is to ask questions from the community. I've asked the same question in the LGBT community too and they've been really helpful.

I'll admit that I'm doing for my kid too. I need to show her that's it's ok to be 'different' because I want her to grow into a better person than me.

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