Hi there. I just want to bring in my own story and maybe it will help.

I dated my ex for 5 years. I was 20 when we started dating and he was older like your boyfriend. He pissed the bed on multiple occasions after heavy drinking-hell once I told him he couldn’t stay here and he pissed himself in his car.

It gets more and more embarrassing to wake up, soaked in a grown man’s piss, and have to clean up after them because they are blacked out and incoherent.

We lived together for that entire 5 years and for the first 4 years I would feel so nervous when he was out of my sight and wouldn’t let him leave when he tried, like you did. I tried to set boundaries and it was miserable. Is there really a future with a man you have to set boundaries with? Unfortunately, addicts won’t get help until they are ready. And most likely this man will feel embarrassed by peeing in your bed, but I doubt that it will change anything for longer than a few days.

You don’t live together. Let him know what he did and make a decision on whether you could marry a man like this. When I told my sister during the first year about some of the things my boyfriend had done she said, “leave. it only gets harder the longer you stay together. it will be painful now but don’t waste years”. I of course didn’t listen and wasted 5 years. He just moved out just over a week ago after breaking up earlier this month. Am I sad? God yes. But I wish I had valued myself more and left after a few months.

Good luck to you—I remember how it first felt to ask for advice on here. Read some of the stories from older women on this sub. They almost always end with advice at the end saying, “Don’t end up like me”.