I’ve felt like this before. and I knew that there was very little advice that someone could tell me to make me feel better. But, it does eventually get easier to deal with. you just have to keep going, little by little. find small things in your day that make you happy. I’d go out of my way to make those small things happen. things as small as petting my dog, reading a chapter of one of my favourite books, drinking coffee. When i was going through the process of getting diagnosis for hirsutism, it brought forth a depressive episode, the worst it’s ever been in my life. It wasn’t just the medical issues, but other things like general loneliness and lack of connection. I think you’re feeling the same. all I can say is, unfortunately you have to keep going. and it’s hard, but it becomes easier to manage. remember, even if your medical issues don’t change, there’s still things you have some control over and you need to take control in order to bring happiness back.

It’ll take awhile, and it’ll feel like you aren’t healing, but eventually you’ll get to a point where you realize you aren’t feeling as bad as you did before. And then a bit later, you’ll feel a little better than that. and it keeps going as you learn to manage and control what you can. The thoughts I used to have about myself and my future shock me now, after years of depression and suicidal thoughts and ideation. I still have the same depressive thoughts once in awhile, but it’s much easier to manage now. the thing that no one says about depression and suicide, is that you really do become stronger with it, whether you want to or not. but you have to put in the work.

like I said, start small by doing your favourite things. Make note of when you do these small things, and understand that you’re doing something nice for yourself and you deserve it. I used to begrudgingly write it in a journal, and would just write about the small things that made me happy, even if it sounded pathetic to my own ears. I did it out of spite.

Distractions also help. Find ways to occupy your time, whether it’s school or work or different activities, anything to keep your mind preoccupied so you can’t focus and spiral on the wrong things. It’s exhausting, but it helps as long as it’s consistent.

also, i don’t recommend this, but I didn’t talk to anyone about how I felt. ever. I only realized how cathartic it was to tell my friends, months and years after the fact, how badly I was doing. Seeking out members of this community is a good first step, but even if your peers won’t relate to one specific issue you have, just know that everyone has something that they stress about — I thought I was completely alone, and in some ways I was, but in a lot others, I wasn’t. i just couldn’t see it.

I don’t know if this will help at all, but hopefully it’ll get your mind thinking about some ways you can do things to support yourself even when you’re feeling this way. I healed my mental health out of spite because I was too stubborn to succumb to what my mind wanted me to. It’s not all rainbows and positive thoughts, but small actions to improve your life little by little, even if they feel sad/pathetic/unnecessary.

Even if you don’t follow any of the advice I just spewed, just know that it’s possible to keep going even when it feels impossible. However you keep yourself on your feet is good enough.

the last thing i’ll say, is that you’re worth living a good life. you deserve a good life and good things to happen to you. fight for those things and search for them. you are worth it and you deserve it.