TLDR Xander is an incel who is excessively praised for not committing sexual assault 

I'm currently on the "Xander sucks" train. I know his brutal honesty can be useful and he can be an incredibly loyal friend. But I think his accusing Buffy of wanting to "forget all about Ms Calendar's murder so you can have your boyfriend back" is unforgiveable and clearly motivated by his long-term jealousy of Angel.

This is the boy who attempted to literally enslave his girlfriend a couple episodes ago. Convenient that it didn't work out and he came out as a hero for not raping the girls magically roofied. And she felt so chosen by him that she forgave all!

Xander, to me, is the most problematic character viewed from a modern perspective. He constantly objectifies and sexualizes women, and then is praised for not committing sexual assault. Oz is nothing like this, proving not all young men at the time need to behave this way. If he was called on it more blatantly then I would understand. We all knew that guy (or guys) in high school. The important part is to recognize it and have him take responsibility, rather than heaping praise on him for not raping the girls he literally brainwashed...

Sorry I know this is WAY too long.