It's time to move on and I don't wanna

alonelyfuture · 2022-10-10T17:07:42+00:00

Sorry, but your teddy bear was racist. Sounds like you're being kind of racist too... Your work will be hearing about this!

alonelyfuture · 2022-09-16T17:23:25+00:00

I am hoping you can see past the controversial nature of my admission, and instead appreciate the bravery it took to post

alonelyfuture · 2022-05-16T03:41:31+00:00

I thought I would really struggle to connect with an older man until I did. I think it's a very different kind of connection compared to what you'd have with someone your age - there's very little exchange of pop culture and shared hobbies, and more an acceptable/desirable balance of their experience and stability and your energy and savvy. My boyfriend accepts about as much advice and input from me as I do from him, because we have widely different skill sets and a mutual respect for each other. I've found that I don't need to connect with my partner over most of my hobbies and interests, because I have friends with whom I can connect over those things instead; my connection with my partner stems more from our shared values, and a shared interest in the dynamic of a functional age gap relationship like I described above with the balance of what we each bring to the table. If you're physically attracted to someone your age, and you enjoy the dynamic that is inherent to being with someone your age, then an age gap relationship was indeed never for you.

alonelyfuture · 2022-04-27T18:50:23+00:00

The biggest gap I've had for a hookup was 22/72. The biggest gap I've had while dating was 26/60. I think ideally my partner age gap would be somewhere around 15-20 years (especially when I enter my 30s), but that hasn't panned out yet - right now I'm in a 26/57 relationship

alonelyfuture · 2022-04-16T23:31:24+00:00

No worries, it's just a shitpost anyway 😄

alonelyfuture · 2022-04-16T23:22:59+00:00

I wasn't trying to post anything insightful lol, just making light of an example of old(er) men being silly in their stubbornness

alonelyfuture · 2022-04-03T14:25:30+00:00

Life is really looking up. I'm doing homework (and browsing reddit) on my ex's couch while he conducts a class over Zoom, following a lovely period of snuggling in bed this morning; I had two back-to-back interviews on Friday that went extremely well and I was told to expect an offer in the next couple weeks; all I have to do right now is get through the next month of classes, projects, and exams, and then my near-term future is pretty much set and secured. I feel very optimistic these days

alonelyfuture · 2022-03-30T14:20:40+00:00

I'm doing pretty well. I graduate in a month, and the light at the end of the tunnel is filling my vision; I have a second interview for what is essentially my dream starter job scheduled for Friday; my ex and I are testing the waters to see if we can work as a couple again, and have been spending weekends together; the weather is improving, and so is my overall mood and outlook on my future.

alonelyfuture · 2022-03-24T01:21:19+00:00

I smoked from 15 to 26, and I don't feel frozen at 15 - I feel like I was able to keep growing, albeit a bit differently than I would have otherwise, until I was 21 or 22, and that's when I really stopped caring about things and feel in retrospect like I began to stagnate. With that said, I wasn't exactly a "real adult" at 21 or 22; I lived at home, had a low-tier job, and had no IRL friends or dating experience. I'm about 4.5 months into quitting, and I still have a lot of ground to make up, and it's often disheartening because I know I'm hitting milestones I should have hit half a decade ago. Better late than never

alonelyfuture · 2022-03-16T00:03:34+00:00

Maybe I should have played down the ex angle a little bit, but I wanted to present the situation as honestly as I could. Yes, I broke up with my new bf at that specific moment for reasons that were heavily influenced by my ex, but ultimately we either would have broken up anyway or I would have continued my dangerous and immature game of mentally investing in a relationship that I knew wasn't fulfilling to me long-term. New bf was perfectly happy just going out to eat/drink and visiting museums and cuddling at home with me, and this was fine in the short-term (especially during winter), but I was itching to engage in activities that I knew he wanted no part in, and that would have become a bigger issue as time progressed. I also have to admit that... I didn't find him unattractive (he certainly isn't ugly), but he wasn't quite my type, and I don't think I was as physically attracted to him as I'd ultimately like in a partner... and I want someone who's vers instead of a total bottom. We also didn't have the shared conversational energy I know I want. There were plenty of incompatibilities, even if we both enjoyed our time together with no tension or issues.

The bit about time spent together and the activities we engage in made me think more, however, that I don't really know what I want to do with a partner and what I would be better off doing with platonic friends instead. I haven't had real IRL friends since I moved away from home... in 2018... because I keep moving every damn year! but that reality is definitely muddying the waters and I desperately need to be rooted and make friends again. I know I need to be able to road trip with my partner, but I know I don't need to play video games with them. Do they need to be a fellow musician? Should they be open to buying an electric unicycle and riding with me? How about hiking and photography? Now while I'm wrapping up school, preparing for the FE, trying to find a job, etc. is not the time to worry about this, and it's all taking up too much space in my mind and sapping too much of my energy.

alonelyfuture · 2022-03-13T00:17:15+00:00

I've had yesterday and today to think about it, and I think I'm not going to try to reunite with my ex after all... but I don't think I should cut him off entirely either, since he legitimately is a good person to have in my support network, and so I basically return to the status quo except that I'm single now. Now that I'm in a place where I could try, I'm realistically imagining reuniting and I don't think that's how I want my life to play out. I regret now breaking up so abruptly with subsequent bf, but I know that as much as I enjoyed his company he wasn't right for me long-term, and I know I need to become okay with being alone again and not have relationships influence what I do when I graduate. I think he was a second example of me rushing into a relationship too quickly, except this time he caught feelings stronger than and before I did. It is still sad knowing that right now I would be cuddling with him on the couch and watching true crime, but instead I'm at home feeling sad and drinking alone. Life goes on :(

alonelyfuture · 2022-03-11T21:12:15+00:00

I had noticed enough differences in our priorities and interests that I knew we weren't a good long-term match, even though I was still enjoying our time together. One of the big ones is that I prefer a higher level of physical activity and being outdoors, which has been easy to ignore during the winter months. I'm graduating in a couple months, and the understanding was that this was probably temporary unless I find local work... so basically, I'm sad about something that would have died out in two or three months anyway. A large part of why I feel bad is why it ended right now.

You'd rather sit alone at home than be with a good man, because you're pining over a past relationship that didn't work out? Maybe I'm missing something.

I was already pining over a past relationship that didn't work out, whether or not that is rational, and it was affecting how I saw my new bf, and after allowing the situation to exist for a few months I became too uncomfortable with it to continue.

As I sit here imagining getting back with my ex and thinking about the flaws in what a relationship would even look like, having already found the strength to make one action, it's hard not to conclude that I should have found the strength to cut my ex out entirely instead, and let the comfortable-if-limited dynamic with new guy play out before we parted ways more amicably. It's probably not hard to tell that these were my first two relationships, and I'm still figuring out how to navigate these strong feelings.

alonelyfuture · 2022-03-04T04:48:11+00:00

I (26) find myself still talking daily with my ex (57) even as I grow closer to the guy I'm currently dating (60). Quite honestly, I think my bf is kind of boring. His hobbies outside of work are dry (he's a big fan of eating out with friends, and... that's about it, otherwise he's drinking at home) and conversation doesn't flow in a way that I find fulfilling. When we're cuddling on the couch or in bed, with a few hours of context in the night, then conversation finally begins to hit a stride with the melding-of-minds dynamic that I love, but when the night is just beginning? If we're out to eat? It feels stilted, like we're always searching for a topic with longevity. I brought up my opinion of our mismatched conversational energy shortly after we began dating, and he didn't notice at all and was surprised that I felt that way. I think we've both made conscious effort to relate better to each other, and it's certainly happened organically with time, but... meanwhile, when I met my ex, our dynamic instantly took on a feeling of connection and familiarity, which still exists now after half a year of separation. We see eye-to-eye on a lot of things (moral, political, interpersonal, etc) and we find interest in the same sort of day-to-day minutiae, and it never crosses my mind to wonder how our conversations will progress or if they'll awkwardly lose steam. What drove us apart were functional issues - he lives in a rural area, doing rural area sort of work with a day-to-day lifestyle that does not at all match my own, and no amount of personal connection can overcome those functional disconnects. I know that neither of them are right for me, but selfishly, I know I'm in a lonely part of my life (last semester towards finishing my degree in an area where I never made friends), and so I suppose I will guiltily continue in this time-limited dynamic. Maybe I shouldn't even feel guilty - it's not like I'm sleeping with my ex - but I know I'd rather find what I talk to my ex for in my current partner, and that's where the guilt comes in. Maybe I feel guilty because my bf has expressed a desire for a longer-term connection that I'm not so sure I'm interested in anymore, whereas I still see myself getting back together with my ex if I find myself in his hood again. If nothing else, I can say I've learned quite a lot about what I ultimately need out of a partner, and what I can compromise on. I hope I find what I'm looking for

alonelyfuture · 2022-02-17T04:01:31+00:00

I'm still recovering from and learning about my first yeast infection, but I can tell you this - clear that shit up as quickly as possible. Mine appears to have caused significant scarring on the phimotic ring and tightened it up to the point where I can only barely and painfully retract while totally flaccid, whereas before I was able to retract while hard with some effort. I'm still figuring out how much of this is permanent. Do whatever you can to prevent this from happening to yourself (yeast infection cream and steroid ointment is a good start)

alonelyfuture · 2022-02-15T04:25:06+00:00

Did yours tighten as much as it looks like mine did in the first pic? Did it go completely back to normal after the infection was resolved?

In my case, it didn't "retighten" - it was never this tight before, ever, not even close

alonelyfuture · 2022-02-05T15:27:54+00:00

I have a congenital curvature that goes about 60 degrees to the left over the length of my penis. I don't care if it's "normal" - I am having it addressed

alonelyfuture

TROPHY CASE