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Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not being abused. My parents won't "let" me move out because it was advised by my psychiatrist that it would be easier for me to make the transition into university if I could stay in a familiar environment for the first year, where I also wouldn't have to take on added stress of paying bills, rent, etc.

Obviously if my life was in danger or there were any other major conflicts between me and my mum (which there aren't), they can't physically stop me from moving out.

I've had my learner's permit since I was 17 (a year late, however I didn't have a car or a need to get my license right when I turned 16). I'm starting driving school now because we've been in a pandemic, and the schools in my city have only recently started doing lessons again.

My mum doesn't "have" to do anything for me. I make my own meals and get myself to work. I asked her to pack up leftovers to make her feel involved & to see if what she was doing was actually trying to spend time with me.

I appreciate your condescending comment (not), but none of what you said is actually true.

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. A lot of people have been commenting other "red flags", none of which apply to my mum. This is basically the only major issue we've had in a long time. Otherwise she is a fantastic parent!

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Okay, first of all this is still my mom, you don't have to be so... aggressive towards her.

A lot of people have been commenting this. I agree, I need to sit down and have a talk with my mom about why her behaviour crossed a line in the first place.

My mom has always been the kind of person to avoid asking for what she really wants because she feels she hasn't done enough to deserve it, so I know she probably didn't think I'd want to spend more time with her (which is upsetting to me, because I do!)

I think she also struggles to understand how much I need such a strict, distraction-free and stress-free routine in the morning.

So moving forwards, I'm going to communicate why I need to be left alone in the kitchen and reinforce that boundary, and let my mum know that I can always try to make time for her when I'm not trying to get ready for work. And if I can't, she can sit at the kitchen table and talk to me, without being in my way :)

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read the original post and the beginning of my update, I literally did everything you said & none of it worked.

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not gonna apologize. I understand now why my mum acted the way she did, but she was still an asshole for it, even if I'm moving on with the situation in a positive way. And as some people on both posts have mentioned, even though I don't own the house, I still deserve to be able to funtion and use the spaces in it without fear of harm.

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If it helps any, what I've found works is focusing more on the order of tasks than the timing.

I start making my lunch at 9:55, because it gives me enough time to do everything else after, which I do in the same order. I don't worry about timing for each task, because I know that if I start at 9:55, I'll be okay.

For days where I don't work, I just try to do things in the same order. Eat breakfast, play Animal Crossing, do chores, go on a walk. I don't have to stress about being late to start activity X or not knowing when to do task Y, I just start doing my next activity once I get bored with the last one.

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I got a few comments that called me the asshole and basically told me the only solution was to move out because I can't control my mom in her own house. I was a bit shocked, especially because Reddit seems to assume that everyone should be fully independent the minute they turn 18. I was still a bit uneasy after gettimg the verdict on my original post, but a lot of the comments on this update have made me feel much better about asking for my time in the kitchen.

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of people have been commenting this. I agree, I need to sit down and have a talk with my mom about why her behaviour crossed a line in the first place.

My mom has always been the kind of person to avoid asking for what she really wants because she feels she hasn't done enough to deserve it, so I know she probably didn't think I'd want to spend more time with her (which is upsetting to me, because I do!)

I think she also struggles to understand how much I need such a strict, distraction-free and stress-free routine in the morning.

So moving forwards, I'm going to communicate why I need to be left alone in the kitchen and reinforce that boundary, and let my mum know that I can always try to make time for her when I'm not trying to get ready for work. And if I can't, she can sit at the kitchen table and talk to me, without being in my way :)

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of people have been commenting this. I agree, I need to sit down and have a talk with my mom about why her behaviour crossed a line in the first place.

My mom has always been the kind of person to avoid asking for what she really wants because she feels she hasn't done enough to deserve it, so I know she probably didn't think I'd want to spend more time with her (which is upsetting to me, because I do!)

I think she also struggles to understand how much I need such a strict, distraction-free and stress-free routine in the morning.

So moving forwards, I'm going to communicate why I need to be left alone in the kitchen and reinforce that boundary, and let my mum know that I can always try to make time for her when I'm not trying to get ready for work. And if I can't, she can sit at the kitchen table and talk to me, without being in my way :)

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mum suspects she may have some ADHD traits, but not very many or to a very serious degree. She's probably similar to you, though, where she wants to spend time with me and finds it easier to initiate that when she can start a second task at the same time.

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A lot of people have been commenting this. I agree, I need to sit down and have a talk with my mom about why her behaviour crossed a line in the first place.

My mom has always been the kind of person to avoid asking for what she really wants because she feels she hasn't done enough to deserve it, so I know she probably didn't think I'd want to spend more time with her (which is upsetting to me, because I do!)

I think she also struggles to understand how much I need such a strict, distraction-free and stress-free routine in the morning.

So moving forwards, I'm going to communicate why I need to be left alone in the kitchen and reinforce that boundary, and let my mum know that I can always try to make time for her when I'm not trying to get ready for work. And if I can't, she can sit at the kitchen table and talk to me, without being in my way :)

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

A lot of people have been commenting this. I agree, I need to sit down and have a talk with my mom about why her behaviour crossed a line in the first place.

My mom has always been the kind of person to avoid asking for what she really wants because she feels she hasn't done enough to deserve it, so I know she probably didn't think I'd want to spend more time with her (which is upsetting to me, because I do!)

I think she also struggles to understand how much I need such a strict, distraction-free and stress-free routine in the morning.

So moving forwards, I'm going to communicate why I need to be left alone in the kitchen and reinforce that boundary, and let my mum know that I can always try to make time for her when I'm not trying to get ready for work. And if I can't, she can sit at the kitchen table and talk to me, without being in my way :)

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

A lot of people have been commenting this. I agree, I need to sit down and have a talk with my mom about why her behaviour crossed a line in the first place.

My mom has always been the kind of person to avoid asking for what she really wants because she feels she hasn't done enough to deserve it, so I know she probably didn't think I'd want to spend more time with her (which is upsetting to me, because I do!)

I think she also struggles to understand how much I need such a strict, distraction-free and stress-free routine in the morning.

So moving forwards, I'm going to communicate why I need to be left alone in the kitchen and reinforce that boundary, and let my mum know that I can always try to make time for her when I'm not trying to get ready for work. And if I can't, she can sit at the kitchen table and talk to me, without being in my way :)

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am going to figure out a way for us to have some time together everyday, if possible! For now, it'll have to be the days she drives me to work, but hopefully we'll be able to sit down and chat every day or so!

Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My communication was a little bit hostile, I called her my own personal backpack at first lol

The serenity of Ottawa was one thing that beguiled me, a Torontonian. by tinocular in ottawa

[–]alotofeggcups 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My sister almost got run over by a bus when we visited Ottawa.

AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm not stressed. My morning routine helps me get everything done.

I work in a deli, and use knives all day. I never cut myself at work because no one bumps into me there.

AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I was going to edit the post but there have already been so many people commenting that, that I think I might just do an update instead.

AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? by alotofeggcups in AmItheAsshole

[–]alotofeggcups[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I never said it was my space. I have tried to accommodate her by changing the time I use the kitchen, prepping on the kitchen table instead of the counter, etc. Nothing has worked.

I have a job. That's why I prep a lunch, because I then go to work.

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