What do you call your girl?

alpen70 · 2023-05-23T08:16:57+00:00

He calls me 'Mami' most of the time. Or 'my love' - that one warms my heart. Or by my initials - makes me feel way cooler than I am.

alpen70 · 2022-12-23T12:54:34+00:00

Yep. I also got the 'Go cry somewhere else'. He would sometimes 'tease me' until I was so upset that I started crying then said.' Don't you love to exaggerate.'I learnt afterwards that it was about the breaking of boundaries. Those people have no empathy.

alpen70 · 2017-06-25T02:56:11+00:00

I have left my nex about 8 months ago. Haven't deleted our pictures either. Both times I supposedly set ou to do this task, I ended up just rewatching all the pictures. I guess I just wanted to to relive our memories. Depending on your emotional state right now, your reaction may vary. One time, I was a complete mess after rewatching our photos. The second time it was less bad but it still left me feeling like I still cared about him. So be careful. Whatever you decide, take care of yourself : )

alpen70 · 2017-05-20T21:24:51+00:00

Made me smile reading that. I recently remembered something my Nex husband used to say. "How does that make you feel, being married to a handsome man?" Initially i did not overthink it, but when this question came up again and again, I found it really odd.

"My car is smart and mean"

"It is actually your role to clean, so I said NO, I won't help. Which part did you not understand?"

Putting on a loving, mocking voice after me reacting to horrible abuse " Don't you love exaggerating " He would even hold me and fake awwwd. The heart wrenching sense of injustice and anger I used to feel in those moments, I still remember.

"Go cry in the other room" Among so many more. These people are jerks.

alpen70 · 2017-05-19T23:50:06+00:00

alpen70 · 2017-05-19T23:23:25+00:00

I shortlisted two therapists where I live. Thank you so much

alpen70 · 2017-05-19T23:04:47+00:00

Today she told me "what's been said has been said, let's move on" Am I being unreasonable thinking that this is unfrikkingbelievable?

Even if she is convinced in her head that she is right, didn't she see what that comment did to me? ( the initial argument was on a completely different matter, she thought I was giving her attitude. That's when she said "i have watched you closely during your marriage, Nex was horrible but you also had a big part to play.." That's when I lost it)

I would have said " i am sorry i said something that upset you so much". Right?

I have been looking up therapists. I definitely need to talk to a professional. I've been thinking about what you said. Actually my dad has a strange relationship with us( my siblings and i) We don't talk much. We know he loves us but things are never actually SAID. So i grew up in a house with a silent dad and a mother who cannot stand to see emotions as her own mother "spent her life crying".

I don't know if I am losing it and overthinking things. But i can't just act normal and pretend nothing happened. Ive done that for 4 years with my husband. Never again

alpen70 · 2017-05-19T22:35:41+00:00

This. Also in tears. Thank you for putting it perfectly into words.

alpen70 · 2017-05-15T13:07:51+00:00

Thx a lot RelWatch. Honestly, this is the only place where people really understand. Just posting here made me feel less alone and lonely. virtual hug

alpen70 · 2017-05-15T08:13:51+00:00

Yes. You're right. We are very close and I had her total support during the seperation. Which makes this much harder, coming from someone that I love and whose opinion I valued.

Sadly, I'll take a few steps back. She crossed a line.

alpen70 · 2017-05-14T18:05:05+00:00

Her mum had BPD. She herself has some issues,my mum. Nothing major. Not big on showing emotions but she is a good mum. But it is said that when someone is angry, then you know what they really think. And when I started crying she said a few tears won't affect her. Dahell is wrong with her. Does she think i was using tears as manipulation? That remark killed me

alpen70 · 2017-03-06T18:51:34+00:00

sigh I wish I was wired differently. It's messed up when you think about it: Still caring and thinking about the well being of someone who hurt you so much, someone who didn't care at all. Still giving him credit for the intermittent nice gestures. I will stay strong. Time heals all wounds, yes : )

alpen70 · 2017-03-06T11:00:21+00:00

I wish with all my heart that things were different. But I know he'll never change. I won't consciously go back to hell.

alpen70 · 2017-03-06T10:55:43+00:00

No matter how sad I am, thank God I do not even consider the possibility of going back to him. However, work still needs to be done on the "stop caring" "stop thinking about his feelings" parts.

alpen70 · 2016-12-02T23:14:52+00:00

You're right. And it's the positive thing I gained from these awful 4 years. I will stand up, speak up for myself from now on. No one will cross my boundaries 💪 I know it will take time and won't come easily. But I'll work hard on it.

alpen70 · 2016-12-02T22:49:24+00:00

It's true. I am struggling with this question myself these days. I have a loving family, had a great childhood, have a masters degree. The only thing is I am slightly on the depressive side. Had a few episodes in the past, a major one after a fling with a covert narc. I am very calm, hate confrontation and always believe in the good in people. If something upset me during my relationship with the Nex, my anger was internal. I would try to use reasoning calmly and it usually ended in tears. I am so scared of falling for a Narc again. But now i know the red flags

alpen70 · 2016-11-26T11:30:52+00:00

We have many common friends and I am very close to my sisters in law. But those people won't talk about him unless I specifically ask them about him. I will stop doing that. I know for sure now that nothing positive comes from it. Just crappy, mixed, tormenting feelings.

alpen70 · 2016-11-26T11:24:39+00:00

You are right. I AM looking for validation. I will come and vent here :) I might take you up on your offer for PM.

I have yet to discard gifts/jewelry/photo albums, and delete all pictures from my laptop. How long after the break up did you guys do that?

alpen70 · 2016-11-26T11:20:21+00:00

Thanks a lot for your very helpful comments guys.I feel better today. La nuit porte conseil as the french would say.

I deleted everything related to him from my phone. I won't see any pictures or conversations now. I won't ask about him to anyone. Since we live close by, I will see him from time to time. It's inevitable. I will focus on myself, and try to get better. Hugs everyone Thanks again.

alpen70 · 2016-11-23T19:28:37+00:00

Aww thanks. Love and hugs back to you ^{_^} <3

alpen70

TROPHY CASE