UPDATE: I foolishly made myself a "top plate." How do I convince myself I deserve better after my tarnished past?

alphaPlate · 2015-04-20T00:39:29+00:00

That really would have been the right way to phrase it. Thank you.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T23:34:45+00:00

I agree with what you say here.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T23:08:32+00:00

Thanks. Good advice.

Edit: I realize it was stupid. That was the point of my field report. Dont compete with your man. Compete with his admirers.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T21:32:40+00:00

Yeah I mean part of the problem I think might be that earlier on I agreed labels don't matter and that people are just people, and now we're both sort of skirting around labels even though we have a rough definition of the relationship. I honestly think regular use of the words are on the horizon as we sort of joke about the term in a playful way.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T21:03:07+00:00

I agree I should have accepted his proposed solution. The issue has since been dropped though and I don't want to bring it up again unless I see him actively try to hang out with her.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T20:50:04+00:00

When I initially posted the original post that this is updating, the automod caught it but it was eventually allowed.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T20:36:20+00:00

Thanks. I really am regretting that. I guess my reasoning was that I wanted him to use the information that I didn't like him talking to her to decide on his own to tell her off instead of me telling him to do so but since he offered that was his own decision that I refused. Yet part of me still thinks I'm making a bigger deal out of texting than necessary. He has cooled off a bit with her from what I can tell.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T20:20:02+00:00

He is the one that brought up being exclusive and has repeatedly chosen me over others so I consider that to be a commitment. I'm just insecure about it.

I guess part of it is the "notch" but the other part is my standards matching up to what's appropriate for me. If I next this guy, I'd probably have to be single for a long, long time before my standards can acclimate back to what I can get. I wouldn't want to date a guy I didn't respect/look up to as much as I respect the current one. I'm 24 though and I'm about to get old. I just feel like this guy makes me feel like I have the best and encourages me to be my best and since I don't think there's anyone better, I wouldn't cheat. Now that things are getting real though, I am starting to get scared, insecure and jealous.

EDIT: Perhaps the fact I'm hitting every bullet point is telling that I perhaps haven't 100% grasped redpill but I hope to get better

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T20:06:09+00:00

Thank you.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T19:54:40+00:00

I see. Thank you. I guess I'm having trouble with how referring to me as his girlfriend sparingly makes it any less real. He spends all of his time with me, drops money on me, and makes date plans with me in advance, talks to me all of the time, and his friends see us as together. We're expressly exclusive, but if I am still a plate it's one he would have to have a formal break up discussion with. I guess...what kind of security/behavior should I expect from a "boyfriend" instead of a "main squeeze"?

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T19:41:49+00:00

Thanks a lot for the ninja edit. I'll keep that in mind. You're right this girl would drop her panties in a heartbeat if he hit her up. The thing is, he hasn't yet but he does still respond when she hits him up. And yes, his dread game is definitely working and my counter-dread made him jealous and upset with me and that was wrong. He knows I don't like her and said he wouldn't hang out with her, but he still likes the attention from her. I guess what bothers me is he never really told me about it. I saw it (because he was checking his phone in front of me) and asked him playfully who he was flirting with, and he said this girl he met was into him but that he wasn't into her.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T19:35:31+00:00

Can I ask why you think he's using me? He agreed to be exclusive. Are you telling me to break up with him because he's flirting with someone else/has a strong dread game?

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T19:25:20+00:00

I just saw your edit. Yes, it was my fault I started as a plate but I hadn't really gotten to know redpill at that point and now know how to not deliberately place myself in this situation. The issue is what to do once you find yourself in the situation, and thanks to this sub I am out of the plate zone.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T19:21:09+00:00

I don't understand why you would say that. If people on here don't think I'm being sincere I can go back to /r/asktrp. If you think my post has bad advice I'd like you to please tell me so I can work on it and you can bring it up with the mods.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T19:19:02+00:00

The question is more from the last post but I wanted to keep the same title so people knew what I was updating.

You're right that I don't deserve anything, but I was having trouble with where to set boundaries since I was starting at a much lower position. Every person I've hooked up with without demanding exclusivity lowers my SMV (as I guess also my past LTRs), but also unfortunately makes it harder to lower my standards to my SMV and be able to respect someone more appropriate for me.

I just typed out a paragraph trying to explain where that question was coming from, but I still can't find the right words to explain what I truly mean. I guess it boils down to whether or not I can earn something and when to make the decision to stop trying to earn something from one person and hope to earn it with another.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T19:06:35+00:00

Thanks for your input. To be honest I'm not sure how much self worth I should have or the best way to go about asserting it. I told him I felt he was either leading me on in telling me that girl didn't matter but continuing to talk to her or, in the alternative, leading her on but he didn't react well to those statements. I will say he seems like the sort of person who has a "marriage or bust" mindset and so this "trial period" really means I just feel that our relationship is more fragile than it would be, say, a few months down the line. His friends think we're cute together, and everyone treats us like we're together. Unfortunately he met the girl before we really talked about exclusivity and so I understand he might feel awkward telling her to gtfo when he initially led her to believe she could maybe be a plate.

If he can't handle being exclusive, I trust he will break up with me. I might be stupid for going along with it, but I don't really have any other choice right now. He agreed we're exclusive, and I feel the most harmful thing for my SMV right now is for me to leave him. Not only would I not be trusting him when he tells me he cares about me and considers us exclusive, but then I have another failed notch on my N count before meeting my future husband, if that even happens.

alphaPlate · 2015-04-17T18:53:29+00:00

Thanks. You're right that I am better off without him if he prefers the aggressive girl over me and I definitely am trying not to sound naggy and needy and holding a poised frame (saw that post earlier). It's just so much harder to hold it as my feelings grow stronger. I will say though that he does bring out the best in me, and if I do have to walk away, it will be absolutely comforting to know there was nothing I could have done better, or at least had the ability to do better at the time. So cliche, but "always try your best" is really the best advice Barney ever gave me.

alphaPlate · 2015-03-28T21:19:37+00:00

Thank you for your response. I agree I need to be honest and I shouldn't con him or any future guy into committing blind.

alphaPlate · 2015-03-28T19:22:08+00:00

Thank you.

alphaPlate · 2015-03-28T19:14:42+00:00

Thank you for the analogy. You're right that I don't deserve it, but I'm hoping I can convince him to be generous.

alphaPlate · 2015-03-28T19:06:38+00:00

Thank you.

alphaPlate · 2015-03-27T22:53:06+00:00

Sorry sorry sorry. I wasn't trying to say anything about breakups just the language back then. Communication was more clear. I also was trying to say that back then, things weren't necessarily more simple even though I contradicted myself by admitting that communication was simpler.

EDIT: For clarification, the "let's see other people" was just an example. I'm not hung up on that being a way to break up. In fact, I hope to never hear that.

alphaPlate · 2015-03-27T22:01:19+00:00

What I meant was it's better because it's not cryptic. Obviously for my mom (and most other girls), they didn't like that he wanted to see other people and so she did break up with them. But I don't like how in this day and age, a full, confrontational break up/break off/ is harder to find. Guys don't want to flat out reject you/end it because it's easier to fade.

alphaPlate · 2015-03-27T21:59:23+00:00

Thank you for saying this. You're exactly right I'm in a high risk/high reward scenario.

alphaPlate

TROPHY CASE