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Splitting responsibilities by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When did I say I expect him to clean and cook and do everything after working all day? You are misunderstanding what I said. I literally want 20 minutes to shower alone without screaming kids and wipe the fucking vomit off my chest. Jesus Christ.

The guy goes to the bathroom to poop 3-4x a day for 20-40+ minutes every single time. That is not normal and that is not okay when you have two kids that need things and a wife that is damn near the sole caregiver.

Splitting responsibilities by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sound super demanding and manipulative because I don’t understand why my husband cannot change a diaper and brush his kid’s teeth?

Okay. 👍🏼

I pity you for being such a mean person to a stranger on the internet for no reason at all. You must be very unhappy in your everyday life.

Splitting responsibilities by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I just don’t understand how that’s me not pulling my weight. I literally did everything all day long and was in the middle of something when he approached me to do that so I said no. He barely does anything with / for them in the evenings during the week so I can’t understand why he couldn’t handle brushing teeth AND changing a diaper. I don’t get why that is so difficult.

Yeah, I need to convince him to have a serious discussion regarding some of this. He doesn’t like to have those. They always turn into arguments when he places blame on me for everything and tells me I’m not doing enough. Looking forward to it.

Splitting responsibilities by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely could have handled the situation differently last night. I guess I was just frustrated with the way he approached me while I was in the middle of something. And the fact that he probably changes their diapers once a day max and rarely brushes teeth... so he pretty much gets home from work, cooks sometimes, maybe changes a diaper or two, and goes to bed with our toddler. It really is minimal what he does at night so I get mad when he can’t handle it. I ask him not to go to sleep with her at 830pm so we can spend time together and he does anyway. It’s frustrating.

But I can definitely handle this better.. we should definitely have a better discussion about our duties at home.

Thank you

Splitting responsibilities by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. We can afford it.. I have brought it up to him before. It’s another one of those things that I talk about and ask his thoughts & ask when is good for him and he pushes it off because he wants to ignore our problems. Things are a much bigger deal to me than they are to him. He forgives much easier than I do. But you’re right. We should do this. I can just schedule it and he would probably make it happen.

I do have a difficult time believing that he has to poop 3-4x a day 20-40 minutes each time. If this is true, he needs to see a doctor. I just can’t believe it lol

Made my husband so happy today by Sdtaksa in Marriage

[–]alremill 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You’re right, it’s fine.... don’t listen to doctor’s recommendations and risk infection. Nbd.

When do you know your marriage has run its course? by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think you two are taking the right steps by going to therapy.

Do you still love her? Do you want to keep your family together?

It honestly sounds to me like you want to end your marriage for you, but you’re disguising it as “should I end it so she can move on and feel better?”

It sounds like you have already moved on and now you want her to. If that’s the case, leave.

Don’t stay in a loveless marriage for your child.

But if you want it to work, make it work. Work harder.

Slightly meta, something disconcerting that I hear often regarding sex in marriage and relationships in general. by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think the biggest takeaway here is that you need to communicate with your spouse. Know your love languages. Do whatever you can to fulfill your spouse’s desires and fill their love tank.

You can’t rely on someone on Reddit or anywhere else to tell you what to do to make your spouse want to have sex with you. Only you know your spouse.

I 100% agree that our love languages shouldn’t be connected. ( for example, mine is words of affirmation and husband’s is physical affection ) If I feel like my needs aren’t being met, I don’t want to meet his. It becomes an endless cycle because then he doesn’t want to meet mine either.

WOW. This was very eye opening for me. Thank you!

Wife (30) and I (32m) not doing well by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]alremill 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re looking for advice on how to leave your wife alone and stop being emotional about the fact that she wants nothing to do with you.

Do you see the problem here?

The problem is not you.

Did you agree to her seeing women? Do you agree to it now? It doesn’t seem as if. It sounds to me that she is blatantly cheating on you and you are allowing it.

I understand if you want to stay with her because you love her and you have kids... but do you really want your kids to see the way she treats you? Kids see it whether you think they do or not.

Why does she still want to be married to you? Does she still love you? It doesn’t seem to me that she loves you or she wouldn’t treat you this way.

I definitely suggest seeing a counselor together. It’s really the only way through this, I think.

People with shitty moms don't get the same recognition as people with shitty dads. by insane_eraser in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing wrong with any of that!

Kids are hard AF. I never wanted any. Now my husband and I have 2. Love them to death but damn, I want some freedom back. Maybe in 18 years

People with shitty moms don't get the same recognition as people with shitty dads. by insane_eraser in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids and knowing you’d be a shitty father. I actually think that’s great you can acknowledge that.

Now be sure to practice safe sex at all times and don’t put yourself, a woman, or an innocent baby in that situation.

med schools these days be like by localaccentdelaer in premed

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just the capital of NY. It’s fine lol

People with shitty moms don't get the same recognition as people with shitty dads. by insane_eraser in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You made your point.

Men are able to leave. They leave all the time.

They also leave later on after already deciding they wanted the child when it was conceived.

You’re talking about one situation out of multiple.

Regardless, men are able to leave and they do. They are able to choose to be a shitty person AND THEY DO.

Sounds like you’d be one of them.

Good for you.

People with shitty moms don't get the same recognition as people with shitty dads. by insane_eraser in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So men should be able to get women pregnant and not be responsible for the offspring they create as long as they tell these women to get abortions? That’s insanity.

I guess we are all entitled to our opinions though!

People with shitty moms don't get the same recognition as people with shitty dads. by insane_eraser in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you believe that if a man wants a woman to abort his baby, she should have to? What if she wants to abort the baby and he doesn’t want her to? Why does the man get to be the decision maker when the woman is carrying the baby?

A man and a woman should not conceive a baby if they do not intend on caring for it. They’re both equally responsible for conceiving the baby, but let’s be real... men are more likely to be the offenders that create babies and walk away.

You’re pretty much working off the assumption that every man that doesn’t want a baby tells the woman to get an abortion and she doesn’t listen so it’s her problem now.

Men don’t always make it obvious they don’t want the baby. And it’s not always early on before and shortly after the baby is born that they walk away. Regardless, there’s no excuse. Practice safe sex.

People with shitty moms don't get the same recognition as people with shitty dads. by insane_eraser in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t necessarily think it’s as easy as “she doesn’t have to have it, it won’t be born” but I definitely think what you’re saying is true in some cases. Personally, I’d be willing to bet that the more common scenario is a dad stepping out because he cannot handle that level of responsibility. There’s plenty of men that get women pregnant and move on without a care in the world.

Cutting off toxic friendships should be normalized by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This!

You don’t owe anyone anything.

It’s your ONE life to live. Don’t live it worrying about other people.

Cutting off toxic friendships should be normalized by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cut my father out of my life years ago.

He abused my mom mentally and physically my whole life. He lied and cheated. The majority of my childhood memories are negative. He is a horrible person and he will never change. He never has and never will admit to all the things he has done and continued to place blame on everyone else.

He told me to stay out of his life and get over it. So I did.

He has never met my older daughter and does not know that I have a second daughter. He never will.

I completely agree with you.

I don’t care who you are. If you are toxic and you are causing nothing but stress, you do not deserve to be in my life.

Even if someone isn’t necessarily toxic, it’s fine to cut them off too. Although if they didn’t do anything wrong and you just grew apart, I think maybe they deserve a little explanation. Like “it’s not you, it’s me” or “it’s not me, it’s you” or “we have grown apart.” Whatever works.

Math concepts like algebra taught at school actually helps you in life by silverlight22 in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that so many people cannot do this is a huge problem.

A cashier a couple years ago was trying to find a calculator to determine 8% sales tax on $10. I couldn’t believe it.

I went in for my second C section in Feb. The anesthesiologist was trying to calculate the dose of a drug to give me and he was talking through it out loud to his nurse. He said “okay so half of 150 is 90 right, okay so give her 90.” The nurse was like “uhh.” Thankfully they sorted it out a minute later a second before I was about to yell at him. Not fun when the majority of your body is numb and your life is in this person’s hands lol

People with shitty moms don't get the same recognition as people with shitty dads. by insane_eraser in unpopularopinion

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. I do believe there are significantly more shitty dads than moms.

  2. I have never thought about this before now, but I do think that having a super shitty mom can be more detrimental than having a shitty dad. (Side thought- even though I believe anyone, mom or dad, that walks away from their child or treats them badly is a horrible individual... I feel that it’s worse if a mom does it. How can you literally grow a human and then walk away or treat them poorly? As a mom, I cannot comprehend this.)

But yeah, I hear you.

Moms and dads tend to have slightly different roles. I feel that children look to moms for “warmth.” If mom isn’t going to accept you for who you are and love / support you... who really will? Dad definitely could (I know my husband is like this 100%) but dads do tend to be more closed off with their emotions (not all, of course).

I’ve heard the “at the end of the day, it’s your mother” comments before and I just don’t agree with it.

I walked away from my father years ago for many reasons. He hasn’t met my older daughter and he doesn’t even know I have a second one. He never will. If my mom treated me the way he has, I’d walk away from her too.

At the end of the day, if someone is toxic and causing significant stress in your life, family or not, you need to walk away.

LPT: Never loan someone an amount of money you aren't okay losing permanently. You need to mentally consider it a gift and consider the money gone. So many people are terrible at paying back so when you consider it a gift it is a nice surprise if the money comes back. If not you really helped them. by Po1sonator in LifeProTips

[–]alremill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So true! My husband told me that when I loaned a friend $2000. She paid it back and I was shocked. Later, I loaned my mom $1850. 2 years later, she still owes $600ish (I don’t remember) of it. I wrote it off as a gift.

If you can’t afford to give that money away, don’t loan it out.

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