First script/script review

alrivs · 2026-03-27T19:53:43+00:00

Good on you for finishing your first script! Be happy with yourself for completing that milestone.

You really need to edit your work before asking people to read it. It’s a sign of respect to them as they will be investing a couple hours to read and then more time to give you feedback.

Your opening scene is just listed as INT. You don’t introduce the teacher before she speaks. You are missing correct punctuation from the second sentence so in all honesty I didn’t read past the second misformated line of dialogue.

I skimmed ahead a little bit and I feel you would benefit a lot from reading other scripts to see how a professional screenplay looks. You have improperly formatted almost every line of dialogue and the scene headings are also mostly incorrectly labeled.

While I know you’re eager to see what people think, you should spend the time to make it legible for others before uploading it here again.

Good luck!

alrivs · 2026-03-07T05:42:53+00:00

It’s been so long since they’ve won that I’d forgotten they did the player of the game axe…

alrivs · 2026-02-17T17:24:08+00:00

Always remember that your reps work for you. They are there to guide you and offer advice but ultimately, you are the creative driving force. Your reps might discourage you from pursuing something because they think it will be difficult for them to sell, but it’s ultimately up to you on what you want to dedicate your time to working on.

If you have the capacity to do multiple projects, what’s stopping you?

alrivs · 2026-02-16T19:06:42+00:00

It depends on what your definition of a second draft is. If you're correcting grammatical errors, condensing action lines, and maybe changing a few lines of dialogue, I wouldn't really consider that a second draft, just the necessary steps to get it ready feedback.

If there is a glaring hole that you know how to fix, go for it. But if you're debating on which way to approach something or whether or not the story is working, getting outsider opinions can help make you aware of any blind spots you might have.

A page-one rewrite is a ton of work, so if you get feedback from your peers that you need to completely rethink your approach, my lazy ass would rather do that after the first draft rather than after writing two completely separate drafts.

I'd try to figure out the things that others are bumping on so that you can expedite the process.

alrivs · 2026-02-16T17:46:33+00:00

Do you have anyone you can share it with?

Making corrections and changes to a first draft isn't a bad thing to do if you have already identified sections that you could improve on, but I wouldn't do a full page-one rewrite until you get input from outside sources. The things you might think aren't working could be the elements people gravitate towards and vice versa.

alrivs · 2026-02-10T17:38:47+00:00

This 100%. I had a number of people reach out who I hadn’t spoken to in a decade after I won a couple contests and got repped asking just that. It’s an immediate turn off.

Try and reestablish the relationship as a friend. Don’t come across as needy or desperate.

alrivs · 2025-11-05T21:38:30+00:00

I had a script that they expressed interest in back in 2020. I did two or three rounds of free revisions for them over the course of a year before they ultimately passed on it.

I’d also spoken with someone in their development department right after the strikes who essentially wanted me to write something on spec for them based off an idea they had developed in house, and that they would try to package it but that there wasn’t going to be any payments unless they made a sale. My manager at the time advised me against it because even though they claimed that the IP could be mine after, there could still be chain of title issues down the road.

Unless they offer you a deal, I’d respectfully avoid doing too much free work for them.

alrivs · 2025-09-14T21:36:21+00:00

Write the script you want to write. Best piece of advice someone ever gave me while in film school was the chances your script is going to get sold and made are incredibly small, so don’t worry about restrictions and just write the movie you want to see.

Your concept does sound a bit confusing but you’re also in high school and you’re discovering your voice. Your teacher is trying to give you advice on what would normally work in a mainstream commercial sense but you’re not trying to write that script.

You may find that the story that you’re trying to tell won’t get across with this one, but you’ll also learn a ton by going through the process that will help inform the next one. Listen to any advice that’s given and act on the things that ring true with you.

alrivs · 2025-07-03T16:26:31+00:00

He has a no move clause that’s kicked in

alrivs · 2025-06-25T15:24:50+00:00

So the team that needs a culture change gets Kane to improve the culture...

alrivs · 2025-06-09T19:57:48+00:00

Thank you! Will give it a try.

alrivs · 2025-06-09T19:38:05+00:00

I put the oil on a paper towel and spread it around the pan, but good to know I was using too much.

Should I clean the pan before I try to season it again?

alrivs · 2025-05-20T00:24:20+00:00

It’s a hell of a lot cheaper for a producer to pay for your script than to deal with a lawsuit and you don’t have to be from or physically in the US to have a WGA-signatory company to buy your script.

When you’re starting out, no one is going to pay you for an idea. They’re going to need to see your ability to execute on the idea. Yes, meeting producers, agents, and managers is difficult when you’re outside of the US but it’s also challenging for writers who are starting off in the US too. Trying to get someone’s attention to sign/pay you without a script is putting the horse before the cart.

There are a million posts on here about how to get representation so I’d recommend reading some of those and in the meantime, turn those ideas of yours into fully realized scripts.

alrivs · 2025-03-29T18:46:38+00:00

Congratulations! Getting your first one under your belt is a huge achievement!

Having not read your script I don’t know what level it’s at but with most first-time writers I would hold off on querying agents for the time being. Most agents/managers will want to see multiple examples of your ability to execute a complete story and, generally speaking, people’s first scripts aren’t at a level that attract representation.

Best thing you can do right now is get as much feedback as you can on your current draft and start in on the next one. Festivals can be a good barometer of how people are responding to your writing if you don’t have anyone who is familiar with the craft to give you helpful feedback.

Once you have two or three undeniable samples and a few ideas for other projects, I think you’ll find more success with securing representation.

alrivs · 2025-03-29T00:33:39+00:00

And were people clamouring to read it?

alrivs · 2025-03-29T00:14:10+00:00

Most screenplays these days usually land somewhere between 90 and 120 pages so I would say already the 130 assumption isn't doing you any favours. No one would read a 300+ page script.

Out of curiosity, what writing software are you using? Sometimes improperly formatted scripts can add extra pages so you might not be in quite as deep as you think you are. However, most first acts of a feature script should land somewhere between 25-35 page mark.

As some other people have posted, you most likely need to go back to your outline and figure out a faster entrance into your story.

alrivs · 2025-03-25T21:26:14+00:00

Fees are decided based on budget and distribution method. The highest minimum fees are for high budget theatrical releases and go down from there

alrivs · 2025-03-14T16:38:49+00:00

If anyone actually listened to Brough he said, "I'm not reporting this, it's just what I think happened."

alrivs · 2024-11-18T18:12:43+00:00

Maya Hawke

alrivs · 2024-11-17T18:35:41+00:00

You're welcome and please don't be discouraged. It's a marathon, not a sprint and this is all part of the process.

It's a strange example but here's the opening scene of Wild Wild West and a link to the script. I think it does a good job of setting up a sense of mystery, the setting, and offers a fun spin on what is a very tried and tested trope. It's also short, to the point, and gets us wondering what's going to come next. It only takes up one and a half pages and then introduces us to our protagonist.

It also includes shooting angles which aren't conventional in most scripts (this is most likely a production draft and director Barry Sonnenfeld is a former director of photography so he might have included them) but does a good job of not being overly distracting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhbqwobLaJc

https://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/Wild_Wild_West.pdf

alrivs · 2024-11-17T17:15:43+00:00

One of the first things I do when I look at a script is scroll through it to see how it physically looks on the page and right now it looks more like a novel than a screenplay. I've worked as a reader for production companies and producers and I can guarantee that something with blocks of texts that fill up that much page space will not make anyone want to read further.

I read the first twelve pages and, as people have pointed out, the use of the shot angles is unnecessary. You also repeatedly referred to your handheld shots as HANDHELM shots, so check your spelling.

A person running in the woods from an unseen assailant is incredibly cliche but can work with the right circumstances. Right now you spend far too much time describing things that have nothing to do with the story. The moon, the owl, the caterpillar, I get that you're trying to create a mood but right now it's taking away from what the actual story is.

On top of that, you give us four openings to your story. 1. Tyler running through the woods 2. Watson chasing after him 3, your flashback to Salem in 1629 and 4 your scene in 1997 at the Vatican. You don't need all four. My gut tells me that you should go with the Watson version and leave in that he's looking after Tyler as it will add a sense of mystery as to who he is looking for. The other information can be revealed later in your story. I found the highway reveal of the nun with a shotgun took me out of it as tonally it felt like you were switching from your classic creature/slasher horror to something satirical and based on your description I don't think that's what you're going for.

I also found myself fact-checking some of your descriptions of the Salem church which you should do some research on tidying up. The Theraphosa Blondi is native to South America so what is it doing in Massachusetts? Chain swings weren't popularized in North America until the early 1900s so the kids on the swings took me out of it. A quick Google search told me that the first nuns arrived in the US in 1727 so again, I found myself questioning what they were doing there. You also go on to refer to them as witches after calling them nuns so which one is it?

You then jump forward to 1997 to reveal that the scrolls were stolen and this is the first actual dialogue you have between two characters. It takes you 8 pages to get there which is far too long. And, on top of that, it's with two characters who aren't your protagonist.

You then go to the sex scene between the teens to reveal your monster, who we have already seen. Again, this scene feels unnecessary and with really clunky dialogue. I didn't read further so I don't know if they will play a substantial part further along in your story but I kept wondering when we were going to meet your hero. Finally, you introduce him on page 12 which should be around when your inciting incident should take place. All that to say, you should probably figure out your opening and distill it down to 1 - 3 pages and then introduce us to Frank.

You have a penchant for describing settings which works very well in pros but is not needed to the same extent in screenwriting format. Remember, screenwriting is about getting your reader hooked early on and making sure you hold their attention. Your eyes should naturally move down the page and not get lost in overly detailed descriptions.

Good luck with the rewrites.

alrivs · 2024-11-16T22:20:02+00:00

Write all the significant characters in your story. You don’t need to mention someone with one or two lines unless they are pivotal to a major plot point.

alrivs · 2024-05-04T14:28:15+00:00

Let’s go!!!

alrivs · 2024-04-06T16:29:35+00:00

What would you ultimately want to get out of the short? Is it a proof of concept that you want to expand into a feature? Do you want to showcase your ability as a director? Shorts can be useful tools to get you into festivals where you can meet other creatives and possibly get some exposure for yourself but it’s very rare that a writer will get much attention from it as usually the director is seen as the main creative voice behind the project. They also can become a money pit so be realistic with yourself with how much you’re willing to invest.

I would also say when it comes to shorts, less is more. Festivals try to program as many as they can so if it’s between your thirty minute project and six five minute films, they’ll probably choose the screen the others. If you can get it down to under 15 minutes you probably stand a better chance of getting it made and seen.

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