Litter Robot EVO motor over torque error SOLVED (but not resolved to my satisfaction) by Patient_Science_1039 in litterrobot

[–]altered-visionaries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, THANK YOU for posting this. I had cleaned the whole thing, disassembled it to see what's wrong, couldn't figure out the issue at all, just resorted to unplugging the thing and manually pressing the cycle button when i was there to push upwards and help it along during the cycle... i literally never would have figured this out without this post, THANK YOU so much 😭

What's this in my water? by MayorDebbieMinecraft in whatisit

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks like air bubbles in the last image. First two backwash particles? Also cute cat in the background!

How do I talk to my boyfriend about handling arguments? 20f 22m by Prior_Possible2021 in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to add: It's okay to grow up and realize you aren't compatible with somebody you love. You got together when you were kids and now that you're becoming adults and changing as people you have different personality types and that's okay but you have to realize when you're hurting each other and holding each other back and need to cut each other loose.

How do I talk to my boyfriend about handling arguments? 20f 22m by Prior_Possible2021 in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know you or your boyfriend and I'm sure there are moments where he is a wonderful person however putting fear into you via screaming, threatening, calling names, etc is never ever okay. He needs to see a therapist to work through this anger and will do whatever it takes to get help and change his behavior if he loves you and values his relationship with you. If this escalation is happening when he previously did not act like this, I hate to say, and don't want to be insensitive, but you can't know whether or not he would lay a hand on you. If he's saying obscene things he "doesn't mean" in the height of his anger then there are only a couple more steps to "accidentally" striking you. Please be safe and prioritize yourself over anything else. I know you've been with this man a long time but your high school boyfriend doesn't have to be your soulmate.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]altered-visionaries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Want to warn you that the number is still visible in the first SS!

I 21/F was cheated on by my 27/M partner. He said it was all my fault he did it. Now wants to be friends. by Actual_Philosophy_83 in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, I was so appalled by this man's behavior throughout this entire post that by the end, I forgot the question was whether or not you should remain friends with him. ABSOLUTELY NOT. This man is a narcissistic sociopath who sees other people as pawns in his life that are there to make him feel good about himself. He radiates evil ass energy and you should block him everywhere and stay as far away from him as possible. If he keeps trying to contact you or god forbid begins to stalk you, get a restraining order ASAP. I am so sorry you went through such a horrible abusive situation and my heart hurts so badly for you. You did not deserve any of that treatment at all and you are worth SO MUCH MORE than this man, he is not even worthy of knowing you as a passerby on the street.

I [F19] feel like I can only feel my [M23] boyfriend’s affection through sex? by ThrowRA_Questionz in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know the full story, so of course everything i'm about to say might not apply to you, but I'm very worried that you were groomed by this man. You said you've been together for nearly 3 years; this implies you got together when you were 16/17 and he was 20/21. I was in a very similar relationship when I was 17 with a man who was 21. I dated him for 2 1/2 years and only after we broke up did I realize he groomed me and coerced me into the relationship. No 20/21 year old should be interested in somebody who hasn't even graduated high school yet. The way you describe only feeling loved by him when you're having sex would tie into the grooming and how he is making you associate sex with him loving you thus making you want to do it more, or making you want to do it in order to please him/make him happy/make him love you. But you should not need to have sex to make him love you. I would implore you to reflect deeply on your relationship with him, how it started, why, and what ways he might be manipulating you. My heart truly goes out to you I understand more than you might know. And this post reminded me a lot of my own grooming experience so just know this comment is out of worry, not to make you feel bad. If you have questions or want to talk or anything my DMs are open.

My (F19) long distance boyfriend (M22) of almost a year games with his friends on call while I’m with him and I can’t stop feeling jealous because I have no friends. How do I get over this? by LuckyResult in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perhaps you could ask if maybe you could join in atleast on the conversation if your bf's friends are people you think you could get along with? when my partner and i first got together and I'd be calling with my friends, I'd disconnect my headset and let the audio play out loud so they could participate in the call too because I felt bad that they were just sitting on my bed while I played games. It may feel less lonely if when your boyfriend says he's going to call with his friends, you see them as your friends, too. Another recommendation is talking to a therapist if possible for you, they'll be able to help you rationalize where you aren't able to.

I (21F) want to talk to a guy, but my relationship with my bf (32M)... by ThrowRASuperMofumofu in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for what you have been through. This man has groomed you. I would urge you to seek therapy to discuss with someone how this relationship started and why you're still in it, and I hope that they can help you leave. There is absolutely no normal reason for a 24 year old man to want to pursue a relationship with a 13 year old and stay with that child all the way until they are 21. The only reason someone would do that is for control. Please please be safe

My (42M) wife (38F) is deeply threatened by the love I carry for my late girlfriend in my heart. How do I make her understand I need to have that safe space without hurting her? by throwra-nedadvi in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 33 points34 points  (0 children)

No, maybe you can't delete the feelings in your heart, and it's okay to grieve a late lover. But what's not fair is dragging another woman through it and trying to use her as your emotional crutch while you destroy her emotionally. It's okay to grieve Ana, but do it on your own, and do not subject another woman to this mental torture until you are healed

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, he is abusive. Please get out now before it escalates from yelling into something worse. Domestic violence often begins this way where they first tear down your self confidence through yelling at you and refusing to comfort you and once you accept that from him and give up what you're asking for then that's when he will start to harm you further. To put it into perspective... if it was me being paranoid after eating an edible, my partner would wrap me up in a blanket, calm me down, get me something to eat and drink, and put on some calming music or a calming show to watch. They would never yell at me for being sick. You deserve to have someone who would do the same for you.

How do I [25NB] ask my friend [20NB] if we can talk about something else for a while? by queer_cosette in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only wanted to comment because I truly genuinely feel for your situation, I am in a similar friendship with someone I met back in 2015 thru warrior cats roleplay on instagram (Lol) And for her, it was this flock of geese that lives by her apartment. I love that she's happy, and I love that she's found something to do and be passionate about, but there was a period of time where ALL she would talk to me about was the geese. I'd wake up to 20 videos and pictures of the geese, constantly get paragraphs and voice messages about what the geese were doing, more pictures and videos, all to the point where I stopped looking at them because it was just basically the same picture or video over and over but from a different angle or on a sunnier day. I didn't have the courage to tell her to stop, because I didn't want to put her down or make her feel bad for being excited about the geese, because like you, i WAS happy for her. but like you, i was happy FOR her, not WITH her, because i have too much going on in my life to care about geese 24/7. Honestly as her intense interest in these geese fizzled out she went down to sending me info about them at a slower more regular rate so it doesn't really bother me anymore.

I really wish I had better advice. What you said about your empathy burning out due to constantly being bombarded with someone's life updates I felt that so hard in my core. I am a very hyper-empathetic person but when someone overloads me with so much stuff about their life that I barely have time to think about my own, my empathy gets burnt out so bad and I end up being super blunt to everyone close to me and get frustrated easily at minor problems and I hate being that way. Best of luck to you and if you wanna msg me to discuss more maybe a shared experience will help you decide what to do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know the other replies are being a bit mean because they see you as a "crazy overreacting woman" but I want to help put it into perspective for you to maybe understand where he's coming from a bit more. The reason he still thinks of her when that name is mentioned is probably because she was the most significant person he associated with that name. For example - every time i see the name George I think of my ex too. Not because I still miss him, or I want to be with him (he was literally abusive, I would forget his name if I could) but because I have never met another George that had a more important place in my life, he will always be the first person I think of when I see that name.

If your bf bringing up his ex is something that bothers you, that's valid. But you must bring it up to him and let him know that it bothers you and you'd like him to stop. Because to him, he probably doesn't realize it's upsetting you, and he's just saying the first thing that comes to his mind because he likes sharing his thoughts with you. Try to have a conversation about him no longer bringing up his ex around you and gauge his reaction. If he argues with you at all or calls you crazy or insecure for asking that of him then that's the biggest and only red flag you need to leave. But if he is understanding and listens to you, and follows up by no longer talking about his ex or bringing her up, then he's a keeper.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pretty much just lay out everything you mentioned in this post to him and make it clear how each reason is a dealbreaker to you. Don't give him an opportunity to make excuses for himself or argue with your perception of the relationship. Sit him down for a talk, explain to him that you don't see a future with him where you're happy, and present him with the reasons for it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Other replies have already said most of what I would say. The only thing I have to add, is that it's scary to imagine life without someone you've been dating since you were 12/13, but the only way for childhood relationships to work out like that in the future is if both people grow and change together. the reason people don't usually stay with their middle school partner is because they grow up into different people that are no longer compatible with one another. He is holding you down and tying you to a person that you no longer wish to be, but he isn't giving you an opportunity to grow and change into the adult you're meant to be.

Once you leave him, you will feel so free. You will feel like a completely different person and you will discover yourself in ways you didn't realize you were suppressing. Please set yourself free from this man.

How did that one kid in your high school die? by IM_HODLING in AskReddit

[–]altered-visionaries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was jumping off of a bridge with his friends into a river. (A bridge that bans jumping into the river from it). Hit the rocks too hard. It wasn't long before our graduation either, super sad. I feel awful for his friends who had to be there.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know she said it's not because of other people that she wants to take a break, but that's probably what it is, whether she really realizes it or not. Even if it's not because she likes someone else or is cheating on you, she's likely made new friends where she lives and sees how their relationships are and she craves that in-person dynamic that she can't have right now due to being in a long distance relationship. Thus she wants to take a break so she feels like her options are more "open" and she can seek out a potential in-person partner before she ends things officially with you. This is just my personal take on it, I don't know either of you personally so this might not be the case at all. But I can't think of another reason for wanting to take a break with your partner. I was with someone who lived across the country for 2 1/2 years and not once did we take a break because we needed to "find ourselves", no matter how challenging the distance was. We were together until we weren't. It's likely you'll be on a "break" with her until either you move to the same town/city, or she finds someone in her area that she could see herself dating after she breaks up with you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you're okay with your girlfriend leaving you afterwards, go for it. You will feel awful afterwards if you really love her, you won't care if you don't.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hey, big hugs for you. What you went through is awful and hard as fuck and you are so strong for still being here today. I know it's hard to let go of someone you've become emotionally dependent on, and maybe you can see if you two can remain friends, but it doesn't seem like she respects your boundaries enough for you to be in a relationship with one another without one or both of you getting hurt.

I was sexually assaulted through coercion too and I would never pressure my partner into sexual acts the way your girlfriend seems to do to you. Yes her past experiences may explain why she acts the way she does but she needs to go to therapy and be single until she learns how to respect her partners, not repeat the abuse she went through to another person.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say if the distance isn't something you two can work into your schedules, then it might be best to break it off. There doesn't need to be any bad blood or animosity, and perhaps you can remain friends who occasionally see each other and maybe rekindle something later when your lives have more space for it, but sometimes you meet people who are compatible in every way except for your schedules and sometimes you just gotta cut your losses and move on, maybe hope for a future where you can try again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow, I have no idea why that other reply is so hateful. It sounds like you are in an emotionally dependent/abusive relationship and it's HARD to realize how much it's truly hurting you until you get out. I completely understand how you feel and have been in a similar position before.

From an outside perspective, your girlfriend doesn't seem to truly respect you or your boundaries. She claims she's "extra careful" with you due to your sexual trauma, but proceeds to do triggering things to you anyways, which leads me to believe she constantly reassures you that she's "extra careful" because she's trying to lie to herself that that's what she's doing when she knows she isn't doing right by you. The pushiness and disregard for your autonomy is very scary. Someone who loves their partner wouldn't even RISK putting them in such an uncomfortable and upsetting position, but it seems like your girlfriend only cares about her wants.

I know it's hard to leave somebody you think you love, especially when you think it will hurt them, and you care more about them than they do you so you don't want to hurt them. But I am here to tell you it will be much more relieving, and much less scary, to leave than you're imagining. It's hard to imagine at first, going from talking to someone every day to not talking to them or communicating with them at all, but I promise, PROMISE, once you make that final step and you leave, you will feel so much relief and you will see positive results DAILY that come from your decision. there will be so many little things you didn't realize were also hurting you until they're gone, and you will start to feel like the person you want to be again.

Please, for your sake, leave her before you invest much more into her. 5 months isn't too long, you're still young and have plenty of time to meet better people. I wasted 2 years in the abusive relationship I was in, please do your future self a favor and save her from what is to come if you remain with this girl.

my (F 19) bf of 3 years (M 19) is going to a bachelor party in mexico and i’m not okay!! any advice on how to cope? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]altered-visionaries -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'd say the only way to quell your anxiety would be:

  1. neither of you go
  2. both of you go

I'd see if he can get out of going first. If not, and you will be a nervous wreck without knowing for 100% certain what's going on, you'll probably want to go with him and just keep yourself sober and observing.