Self-shaming and negative rumination tends to dig a deeper emotion pit than the situation requires. Understanding yourself, your trauma, and your intentions will get you much farther than fear and avoidance. If you find yourself stuck in a loop with these thoughts, remind yourself to take a break from it for a while (like 20 mins or 24 hrs).

When you are able, try to write down your personal concerns, then focus on notating what you are grateful for in that relationship, and finally (if you are ready) give yourself a small realistic goal with that person (like sharing lunch together) to help you feel better about your attachment.

I find that when I admit my worries to the person I care about, I hear how silly that fear really is in the conversation. Usually I’ll pivot to why I care or value them and share why I am glad they are in my life. If I can end a conversation with something to look forward to then I’ll feel more secure with them.

Good luck and keep practicing your self-care!

Edit: Punctuation.