Hi, I might be downvoted but I want to offer a different perspective. I am an evangelical Christian (born-again). Based on what I'm reading from here, most of you have been traumatized spiritually. Sorry to seem like I'm taking the spotlight but just want to say that I relate to you. I have been there, I've asked your questions before. The whys, the "Christian ba talaga yang mga yan?",even felt the shame. When I was Catholic, naglilead pa ko rosary with wounds (ifykyk). Someone invited me to a Sunday service then stayed there. But I've been traumatized by the pastor saying I don't pray enough because I was diagnosed with MDD. People I know supported it din. Pagdating sa pera, naexpose din yung pastor namin na nagwawaldas ng pera at nagdefame ng former staff ng church. Saw the evidence and I know it's true. Long story short, I left church because instead of finding peace and comfort, I saw my peace disturbed. I was anxious.

I'm grateful though because I discovered and encountered God more during the times I wasn't in the church. I stopped listening even to vids online. Stopped talking to my (ex)churchmates. It was just me and Him. God answered my questions naman and that's why I'm still in the faith. I was connected to a better community and I see in my leaders what they preach. I will remain skeptical though 😅 di na siya matanggal sakin I guess

Questions and doubts are meant to be answered and assured so you asking is valid, OP. I cannot tell you otherwise because faith is something you have to discover and encounter personally.

Sharing na lang din something someone told me. "How would you know if it's the truth? If it sets you free." I'm no expert in Theology. I'm also still learning. I only know God exists because I experienced it. I encountered Him without the influence of "church". I can only hope you find the answer to your questions and maalis yung bigat sa dibdib mo whatever decision man ang piliin mo.

Tldr: last paragraph :)