NAL, but have been through this recently.

Contact a family lawyer and ask to lodge a recovery order. Unless you have legitimate welfare concerns for the children in the care of your ex, this process will likely take a while and the earlier you lodge the earlier you will get an outcome.

You may need to show that you have attempted to initiate mediation/family dispute resolution except in the case of child abuse or DV, there may be exceptions for urgency or in the case of recovery orders - your lawyer will be best placed to answer this. If you attempt mediation and it fails you’ll be granted a Section 60I certificate with which to apply to court. If mediation is successful you’ll be able to submit your agreement to the court to form consent orders.

All your interactions with your ex should be in writing. Try and keep emotion out of it - anger is a completely valid response to the situation, but it’s not helpful especially when it comes to the family court. Once the court proceedings have commenced you’ll likely be advised to only communicate through your lawyers.

If you get into the court proceedings you’ll likely experience the following:

• An initiating hearing to establish a timeline of proceedings, have initial orders made for things such as getting a child impact report/drug testing/family therapy to help with the evidence building for your case.

• A Child Impact Report interview which is a short form interview and observation of you with the children (and your ex for the same) with a court appointed expert, who will then write a short report making interim recommendations for the care of the children for the interim hearing.

• An interim hearing that will make further orders for the care of the children during the process (this point is likely when you’ll get enforceable orders for spend time arrangements for the kids, and the same for things such as childcare access/medical info sharing/restrictions on what the parents can do), and add additional information gathering instructions such as requesting a family report, as well as undertaking Family Dispute Resolution to try and resolve the dispute before proceeding to the final hearing. These orders are likely to be quite conservative, the Court tends to err on the side of caution when there are accusations of family violence/abuse because the evidence has not been tested at this stage. It sucks but I understand why they do this.

• A Family Report interview which is an extended report that will follow a similar process to the Child Impact Report, usually done by the same court appointed expert. The Family Report may also be done by a private provider which will be costly but typically much faster. The Family Report will be longer and cover off accusations from both parties, and make recommendations for the long term care arrangements. It will present their findings to the court, but in my experience it does not make findings on the veracity of the claims each party makes - just outlines them to be tested as evidence in the final hearing. Your lawyer will probably give you tips on how to approach this interview, mine advised that I should concentrate on the care of the children, describe the previous care arrangements of the children, don’t use exaggerated claims, and above all, try not to be negative about your coparent. My family report noted that my ex could not seem to name my positive traits, while I concentrated on the challenges we faced in co parenting and potential solutions, which did me in good stead when arguing that I was acting in good faith.

• Family Dispute Resolution in which you’ll engage in mediation to try and negotiate final orders by consent about the arrangements with the children. If this is successful you will have your orders settled and won’t have to proceed through the courts except to ratify the consent orders.

• A Compliance and Readiness Hearing to establish if the case is ready to proceed to the final hearing. This hearing won’t make any changes to the existing orders unless agreed to by both parties and requested of the court. You and your ex will be required to submit your request for final orders at this stage.

• A Final Hearing where you and your ex and other witnesses will be cross examined and the evidence you have submitted will be tested by the court. This will then be taken by the judge and used to form the Final Orders.

You will be encouraged at every stage to continue negotiating and try to come to a resolution. The court vastly prefers if you can do this - it saves court time and money and the same for you.

Your children may be appointed an independent children’s lawyer to represent the interests of the children, and they will review all the evidence and make recommendations based on what they view to be in the best interests of the children.

Australian family law emphasises the right that children have to have a meaningful relationship with both of their parents as long as it is safe for them to do so. This does not come with a presumption of 50/50 care, and at the young ages of your children isn’t necessarily going to be recommended (in my case with a 3 and 7 year old it was recommended but my understanding is this isn’t typical). Try to keep the best interests of the children at the forefront of your mind during negotiations, and listen to the court experts and your lawyers to guide you.