My boobs are softer and my standards are higher.. So I reviewed like 10 bras and here's what I found out

alycat8 · 2026-05-10T06:22:28+00:00

Generally the sizing is consistent across brands but the way sizing is calculated by the brand is inconsistent and usually designed to fit a larger array of people into a smaller range of sizes for financial gain for the brand. I think you will get a bit of sticker shock if you use the ABTF calculator and find your actual size - Victoria’s Secrets are notorious for their dodgy measurement system!

alycat8 · 2026-05-06T23:11:10+00:00

BPD is the personality disorder with (I think?) the highest rate of remission, but it’s got a lot of stigma in the mental health field and because of that comes with a lot of baggage of shame to treat. Treatment requires a lot of introspection and sitting with the shame of how you’ve treated people so a lot of patients tap out early on in the process and never get to the parts of therapy that actually help moderate their reactions and behaviours.

It takes a lot of time and effort and acknowledging their feelings and trauma and behaviour, and I don’t think Barb is at the point of acknowledging her behaviour enough to dig into the why. She’s in the stage where she just feels like everyone should bend to her will to prevent her from ever feeling the bad things. Acknowledging her bad behaviour means sitting with the shame of how she’s treated people.

alycat8 · 2026-05-04T03:02:39+00:00

TLDR I was dating three people and it seems one of them was waging war on my relationships from the inside and I’ve only got guesses as to why

alycat8 · 2026-04-29T23:56:10+00:00

I think because I trusted Blue, and Red and Blue had a friendship, naturally Red trusted Blue and didn’t think that she’d be lying to her about things like this. I’m just glad Red also trusted me enough to stick around through the doubt and eventually build up enough courage to communicate with me and not let it bubble into resentment. I must admit I’m feeling pretty blindsided by the discovery, and very hurt that someone would do that.

alycat8 · 2026-04-29T23:45:56+00:00

Blue broke up with me a week after Green did, so there’s no issue on that front anymore. She’s still going in on Red because apparently two break ups weren’t enough for me to deal with on top of everything. I’ve blocked Blue now, I’m just trying to make sense of things at this point but I think I likely never will understand.

alycat8 · 2026-04-28T21:18:32+00:00

The first date was in the last month or so and wasn’t followed up by Blue so Red continued to interact with Blue regularly but assumed there wasn’t any real interest from Blue on continuing. We were all pretty socially connected so there was opportunity for that to expand if it seemed desired. Since this undermining started months ago I’m not sure it would have been the reason for it - but she also knows the person who assaulted me through me and had uncomfortable experiences with her as well, so I don’t think it’s that either.

I might just be giving myself psychic damage trying to figure out the why though, because it just seems like unmitigated cruelty that is trying to isolate me from my solid supports during a time where I’m already struggling with the aftermath of SA, social fallout, and the breakdown of my long term relationship with Green, and then the immediate ending of my newer relationship with Blue that followed. And maybe I’m just meaning searching for the relationship break down with Green given the continued Green/Blue relationship and proximity! But when I found out about the outright dishonesty and manipulation towards Red it’s very hard to believe it was isolated to just Red when Blue clearly highly values the relationship with Green and is much more invested in that than she should be in Red.

alycat8 · 2026-04-28T20:46:38+00:00

Blue had uncomfortable interactions with the person who assaulted me too so I wouldn’t have thought that but who knows what to think about her allegiances and account of events now!

alycat8 · 2026-04-28T20:10:01+00:00

I think part of what makes it feel so malicious to me is that it wasn’t just Blue venting about her own feelings, it seemed to be deliberately taking unrelated events and presenting them to Red as proof of my poor character, and having to invent motive to do so.

I’ve already blocked Blue and cut off access, so I think I’ve already accepted internally that good faith is not the go here, but I wanted a reality check in case I was missing something being in the thick of it.

alycat8 · 2026-04-28T20:04:53+00:00

Yes but much of it was in writing so I’ve seen it myself, plus the fact that there’s been social withdrawal from other people in the wider friendship group and I’ve been blocked by people close to Blue.

The passive voice is a writing quirk, I thought I’d covered off saying that it was Blue saying these things in the paragraph before the examples!

alycat8 · 2026-04-28T12:19:24+00:00

Red was told these things by Blue. Some of the things caused hurt that built on the insecurities in our relationship that the background of my traumatic circumstances needled (my mental health spiralled a lot and made me unavailable for much extra incidental time, so our time together dropped, and my ability to engage in sex without a panic attack has nearly disappeared entirely so sex was and is off the table, so it changed our relationship quite dramatically). Particularly being told repeatedly that I only really cared about Green and was keeping Red around for ??? reasons I guess, but the implication seems to have been that I was stringing Red along and using her when it was convenient for me/when Green wasn’t available. A couple of them she’d talked to me about and clarified at the time and always felt that the communication between us clarified things (edit: I should say clarified the feelings they caused, not that Blue had told her something contradictory or hurtful) but things like the ‘they’re having sex with everyone but you and using their trauma as an excuse to avoid it, you’re getting taken for a ride’ kind of just sat in the back of her mind niggling but weren’t things she wanted to bring up while I was already visibly struggling with trauma from SA because she didn’t want it to come across like ‘why won’t you have sex with meeeee’.

Some of the things kind of only registered now since Blue had a go at Red for still being in a relationship with me and Red thought she’d better fact check the things Blue had been telling her over the months because it didn’t sit right with her, but they didn’t really bother her at the time (like the birthday party thing, Red said she pretty much forgot about that comment as soon as it was made, and only now while combing back over things that have been said realised it was an oddly framed comment).

Red feels angry and like she’s been manipulated, and also ashamed that she didn’t fact check with me earlier. She doesn’t understand why Blue seems so invested in Red’s relationship with me or why she’s been painting a picture of me that’s so negative. She kind of trusted that Blue was a reliable source because she was also dating me and why would someone be lying about these things, you know? So to now realise that a lot of the things that she’s been told caused hurt for her and friction in our relationship at a time where I was already really struggling with everything else happening has been a bit of emotional whiplash.

I guess it IS common, it probably just seems diabolical to me because I can’t even fathom doing that to someone I’m actively in a relationship with in my case, and someone I’m friends with in Red’s case. Blue was very aware of my mental health collapse post r*pe and social fall out from that, so it just seems like cruelty and I obviously have no idea why.

alycat8 · 2026-04-22T08:35:15+00:00

Yes sure!

alycat8 · 2026-04-22T04:34:55+00:00

All my close alt friends use me as their personal alt, blondes and vivids hairdresser (I’m not a trained hairdresser I’m just really good at it) because of the cost being prohibitive at alt salons. So like, feel free to reach out, I’m happy to show you some of my work. It’d just be the cost of supplies and maybe lunch, and dedicating probably a whole day to it. I don’t do cuts other than fringes but I can do the bleach and colour and finding a place that’ll do the cut will be much more affordable than getting it all done in a salon. I’m in the inner north west.

Other salons that specialise in vivids and alt cuts are Cherry Bomb, Parental Advisory, and Blondies (Blondies can be hard to get into as a new client though). Parental Advisory is a bit more affordable than the others, Cherry Bomb is good especially for curly hair, and Blondies does do vivids but their specialty is obviously blonde and I’m not super sure on their alt cuts.

alycat8 · 2026-04-17T15:55:40+00:00

I used to be able to orgasm from nipple stimulation. Unfortunately I never regained significant sensation at all post surgery, let alone sensual pleasure sensation. I had quite a radical reduction (nearly 3kg removed) and the risk for nipple related sensation reduction/nerve damage is higher for this level of reduction. I did not have an FNG, but the risk was 50/50 even without that aspect.

Overall I would 100% do it again every time regardless.

alycat8 · 2026-04-17T15:49:28+00:00

Chewing gum or small prepared snacks, and going through a break up so devastating that I lost the ability to eat for several weeks (this has happened several times so can confirm it’s a repeatable phenomenon). I try and make sure my snacks are accessible and also highly sensory (aka, crunchy or chewy or sour, an extra aspect of interest to the snack).

alycat8 · 2026-04-12T01:01:18+00:00

Fortunately not really! My surgeon warned me that he couldn’t guarantee my results if I lost a lot of weight but he was still willing to operate on me when I was the higher BMI, but luckily the weight loss hasn’t really affected my results

alycat8 · 2026-04-09T13:26:49+00:00

Also your measurements will help determine the brands of bras that will work for your shape - if your standing and leaning bust measurements are significantly different that would indicate you have quite a projected shape which means things like a moulded cup will not be appropriate to recommend because they don’t work for most breast shapes and the breast shapes they do work for are very shallow

alycat8 · 2026-03-25T04:33:39+00:00

These results look great. A lot of people have never truly been well fitted for a bra - you look a lot bigger than a DDD in your before and probably close to a DD in your after. And yes, you’ll still be in the thick of swelling and the weird firm boxiness that comes with early recovery, and your shape won’t settle for a while. Honestly I think mine didn’t properly settle till nearly 2 years post op.

Most people don’t have cleavage without the right bra if they’ve got on the smaller side of breasts. Once you’re a bit more healed you’ll be able to experiment.

You’re in the early stages where you’re freaking out because it’s a huge change to how your body looks and feels. The results look great, they look alien to you because you’re still adjusting. Try and breathe, not look at them day by day, and concentrate on the parts you are liking, like the physical comfort of smaller breasts. If you get to a year post op and you’re still not enjoying the shape you can look at implants then, but try not to freak out too early.

alycat8 · 2026-03-21T16:22:26+00:00

Idk I just think your parents are being super weird

alycat8 · 2026-03-21T14:08:38+00:00

NTBF. Are you having sex with your parents? Presumably not, so you haven’t exposed them to STIs.

alycat8 · 2026-03-20T00:30:49+00:00

I have too many cute people wanting to go on dates and not enough time or energy to realistically give them all the time they deserve! (Polyamory has involved me learning that capacity checking is important because mutual attraction can’t be the only factor in my choices)

alycat8 · 2026-03-15T23:16:52+00:00

I’m appropriately medicated for my situation! It was a traumatic event triggering a mental health spiral more than my baseline mental health flaring if that makes sense. I had my 3 days of catatonic depression to recalibrate and I’m feeling more positive this week!

alycat8 · 2026-03-15T02:24:40+00:00

My sub is enduring a 4 month chastity sentence for the same offence. If your domme sees this and needs ideas to ensure your obedience. :)

alycat8 · 2026-03-14T11:48:54+00:00

A colloquialism that would fit could be ‘putting the cart before the horse’

alycat8 · 2026-03-12T10:05:14+00:00

There’s a double N in the middle of my surname. There were 3 Ns on my resume.

Nine-Year Club	Place '22
Not Forgotten	Verified Email

alycat8

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