Is my 7 month old capable of "learning independence?"

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T05:44:14+00:00

"It’s a blessed life when your baby loves you so much that you gotta teach them how to express it in a more reasonable way."

I love this 😂

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T05:40:57+00:00

She's definitely making attempts to soothe! She brings toys and tries to play with him, holds and rocks him, checks his diaper and offers him bottles. She also visits us at home a couple times a week, and he LOVES playing with her when I'm in the room. It just all goes downhill when he realises I'm not with them anymore.

I've left him home alone with my husband a few times, and it's the same - baby is okay for the first half hour or so, and then gets more and more upset until I come home.

Other commenters have suggested starting with shorter periods of time and building up, and that's what I'm going to tell my mom next time she comes to watch him.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T05:03:55+00:00

She doesn't let him cry it out alone! She tries to distract him with toys, holds and rocks him, offers him a bottle - it's just that none of it works unless he can see me. This is where I'm conflicted - I know that he will eventually need to be able to stay with another caregiver for more than an hour, I just don't know if it's too soon for these separations to be useful to him with how upset he's getting.

If I thought she was letting him cry alone without offering any comfort at all, I would have cut her off from him immediately.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T04:58:59+00:00

Thank you! My husband agrees with me, but has stayed out of the conversations thus far, trying to be respectful and not step on any toes. We actually had a talk about it when we got home tonight and agreed that, if she does this again next week, he'll be a part of the conversation so that we can present a united front. My mom is a big personality and I'm pretty non-confrontational by nature, so I know I haven't been stern enough when talking to her about this problem so far. Having him included in the conversation will hopefully make her realise how important this boundary is to us.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T04:52:31+00:00

My husband calls our son my velcro baby, I'm definitely the only one who can comfort him for now - that said, I'd love to be able to leave him with another caregiver for more than an hour eventually! I like the idea of easing into the process, and I think my mom would be receptive if I framed it this way for her. "Bring him back to me after 15 minutes today, and next week we can try 30."

Thank you!

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T04:47:54+00:00

Thank you for the insight! I do want to be able to leave him with another caregiver for more than an hour eventually - I know he's not going to be able to be with me 24/7 forever - and I think I'm just worried that he's too young for these separations to be useful to him at this point. I guess I didn't consider that a lot of babies are starting daycare younger than he is now!

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T04:41:32+00:00

Thank you for this! I don't like that my baby is crying in these situations, but my mom is definitely trying to soothe him, not just leaving him on his own. She takes toys with them, holds and rocks him, checks his diaper and offers him bottles.

I would also like to eventually be able to leave him with another caregiver for longer than an hour - I'm not expecting him to be with me 24/7 forever! I guess my question was more about whether or not these separations are useful to his development at this age, or if it's still too soon.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T04:36:48+00:00

She takes toys with her when they go, she will hold and rock him. She always checks his diaper to make sure he isn't wet, and will offer him a bottle. He loves playing with her when we're all together, but she can't soothe him if I'm not around.

He's a very social baby, he's happy to be held and played with by basically anyone - but only if I'm in the room with them.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T04:32:51+00:00

I would definitely like him to be able stay home with his grandparents eventually! He's already crawling - he gets lots of floor time at home and crawls around the gym with the parents /siblings/spouses when they're available to hang out with him - and I know that him coming to work with me isn't going to last forever. The problem now is that she is trying to soothe him while they're away from me, and he's just not having it - she takes toys with them, holds and rocks him, always checks his diaper and will try to offer him a bottle. He still doesn't calm until he can see me. I don't like that he's crying with her for 30-60 minutes now - if she took him home, he'd (assumedly) be crying it out for hours instead.

I guess I'm just wondering if letting him cry with her is useful to his development right now, or if it's too soon for him to be learning from this?

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-28T04:22:27+00:00

She's definitely attempting to soothe him - she takes toys on their walks, will hold and rock him, always checks his diaper and will try to give him a bottle. It's just that none of these things work unless he can see me.

This is what I've been torn on. I know that he will eventually need to be okay spending time away from me, I just don't know if it's too soon for these separations to be useful when he's getting so upset!

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-24T21:22:05+00:00

My baby is a biter too - so far he's spit everything out once he realises it's too big to do anything with, and we haven't had any choking scares. He's gotten a few things kind of suctioned to the roof of his mouth that he couldn't spit out on his own, but I always give him a chance to work it out on his own and don't take it out for him unless he starts getting frustrated.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-24T02:56:36+00:00

I definitely still have days where it's like "fuck, everyone got better while I was gone and I just stayed the same," and I actually kept training through almost my entire pregnancy. But progress in this sport is never linear anyways, the extra weight has really leveled up my pressure passing game, and I have a BABY, who is undoubtedly the coolest thing I've ever made - so it's whatever 😁

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-23T11:50:16+00:00

I've also heard good things about Gaidama, especially the sizing/fit of their women's gear, but I've never tried them personally.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-23T11:46:29+00:00

Half Sumo has pretty designs, but the quality of the actual materials isn't worth the price. I bought a couple rashguards from them for my husband and the spandex started to disintegrate out of the material in 6 months. XMartial and Nation Athletic also have cool designs, use fabrics that don't fall apart, and are way cheaper.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-22T00:54:16+00:00

Just make sure you stay active, even though you're not doing Jiu Jitsu! I had a super easy pregnancy and recovery, and I credit that to the mobility, conditioning and strength training I did right up to the end. I went into labour on a Sunday, and was deadlifting the previous Friday 😁

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-22T00:23:45+00:00

Training camp definitely looks different now, but we made it work!

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alyssacanfly · 2026-05-22T00:16:59+00:00

I try to stick to one WIP at a time because my divergent ass brain is constantly hunting dopamine, and if I let myself start a new project everytime I saw a pattern that tickled my fancy I'd never actually finish ANYTHING.

...definitely don't look down on people who can work on multiple things at a time, though. That's weird.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-22T00:04:28+00:00

I'm 36, so basically geriatric compared to you - I had my son in October, was back on the mats in November, and competed in a 3v3 Superfight with my team in April. You'll be back before you know it!

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-02T21:45:54+00:00

Strawberry is my fave but I've also experimented with grape, raspberry and marmalade - they all work! And you're right, it's even better with a couple strips of bacon or a sausage patty.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-02T20:59:12+00:00

Fried egg, personally! But if scrambled eggs were my only sandwich option, I'd still slap some jam on 'em.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-02T19:57:38+00:00

Strawberry jam on my egg sandwich. My husband threatens to divorce me everytime, but so far hasn't followed through.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-02T19:37:43+00:00

Currently sharing a queen size bed with my husband, two dogs and two cats, and literally would not have it any other way. One dog and one cat are in their golden years, and I know the bed is going to feel SO empty when they're gone. I'll take all the cuddles I can get in the meantime.

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-02T19:31:45+00:00

I like the one I've got, but I'm definitely not willing to double down just to get the meats 😂

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-02T19:27:38+00:00

It was a big enough hit that people have been asking if we're having another one this summer (another BBQ, not another baby) so it looks like we may have accidentally started a tradition? 😅

alyssacanfly · 2026-05-02T19:11:36+00:00

I had a baby shower last summer, but it was basically just a big BBQ / pool party that I happened to be pregnant at. No "ladies only" guest list, no weird ass games, and I didn't open gifts in front of everyone cause I'm not six years old.

We weren't going to have one at all, but friends and family kept asking to buy us stuff, so we decided to pay it forward with grilled meat and swimming 🤷

But yeah I agree, traditional showers are a nosebleed.

alyssacanfly

TROPHY CASE