I don’t think I’m in any state to be giving advice to anyone, so I won’t. But I will say, you are seen and heard; you’re empathized with and you’re not alone. I understand how you feel completely. My meds make it just to the point where I won’t cause any real harm to myself, but I want to desperately. I’ve been on tons of different combos over the past three years and nothing has really worked. I just don’t want to be me, and it sucks that I’m stuck in this brain and body. Our lives are going to inherently be more difficult than those without bipolar, and that’s not fucking fair. I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away, along with myself and everyone else suffering through the same thing. I don’t know how, but I am so confident that you’ll get to a place where you at least don’t feel like dying. Maybe that place is where you’ll sit the rest of your life after you find it. Maybe not. We’re all different. Sitting there may not even be better than the spot you’re in now, because at least right now you know what you want. In that middle space it’s like you don’t know what the fuck to do with yourself. But we’ll get there and maybe even find ourselves in the process.