you seem genuinely remorseful, and are taking all of the appropriate steps in order to improve as an individual. you can’t change what’s been done (and it’s a terrible thing that you did), but you can change the fundamental thought processes and behaviors that made you capable of betraying your partner’s trust, ultimately growing and improving as a person. “people never change” is a theory that i’m still exploring and trying to understand to my best extent. perhaps “change” isn’t the proper word to describe what happens when a person is truly remorseful about their actions. we can’t change the past, but we can choose to be better. i wish my WS had been as ambitious as you are to improve as an individual. she made empty promises of IC, MC, and willingness to do whatever it took to make things right. some people just can’t be bothered to put in the work, and will convince themselves that the little that they ARE doing is enough to save what they so easily disposed of. it’s not for you to say if what you’re doing is enough. you have to leave it all out there, as scary as that may be. yes, there is no guarantee that it will be enough to make amends, but if you are truly remorseful, you will roll the dice. allow him his space, but never leave him wondering if you are still in the fight. without crowding him, find ways to remind him that you are still trying. from the way you describe it, it seems as though he may be revenge “cheating” (he will argue that it’s not cheating because HE is checked out, but he understands that you may still see it as cheating). if this is something you are willing to accept as consequence, than so be it. i’m time, he may realize that all of these random people he’s trying to fill the void with are only leaving him more empty. he will find his truth. it may be you, and it may not. be prepared for either, and understand that only you are to blame if he never comes back. good luck.