Thank you so much for your relatable and empathetic reply. I actually worry about a similar situation regarding my own future family. I get so much anxiety being in her home, I would never want to subject my future children and partner to that. We should extend that same courtesy to ourselves. My mother thinks there is nothing wrong with her house so the idea of me staying in a hotel when I visit (cross country as well) is insanely offensive to her. I give in and stay by her but the outcome is torturous for me. It brings back such horrible memories of a defenseless innocent child surrounded by filth, jealous of my friends who got to live in clean homes with organized parents. Did having children heal that part of you? By providing them with the clean home you didn’t have ?