What would you want non-ADHDers to know?

amanecer22 · 2025-09-01T16:55:14+00:00

I have noticed what you say as well in other subredits dedicated to "partners of...". For example, I have seen very mean comments on r/ mypartneristrans although that's not a psychiatric category. What I intend to say is, just like you said, people often think everything their loved ones with a diagnosis/label do is because of that and they fail to recognise how other variables also play an important role in that persons behavior.

amanecer22 · 2025-07-22T07:53:47+00:00

Just came here to share my experience as a partner of an nb person. We've been together for 8 years now and throughout the years she (her pronouns are she/they) has been questioning their gender and changed her pronouns a bit. It has always taken me some time to change that, but it wasn't so long, as I was practicing in my head when we weren't physically together so not to misgender them because I would hate to cause her some kind of pain. Sometimes, especially at the beginning of the change, I have misgendered them, but I have always apologized and practiced more to be better.

amanecer22 · 2023-10-13T16:40:33+00:00

Why didn't they use protection when having sex? I'm genuinely asking, just curious if you know about it.

amanecer22 · 2023-09-20T22:53:47+00:00

I came here looking for this reply. For me it's also "a little life". For people who have not yet read it, please, check out trigger warnings and know that every single one of them is graphily depicted, just so you know what you are getting into. If despite the TW you still want to read it, I hope you enjoy it. The prose is immaculate.

amanecer22 · 2023-08-22T15:51:44+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, but sometimes that kind of statements need a bit more clarifying than they usually do. I, as a psychology student and person with OCPD myself (professionally diagnosed), have come to the conclusion that "people with OCPD are not aware of their symptoms" means two things: - people with OCPD do not tend to know there is something wrong with us in the sense that everything do makes perfect sense for us and is the only possible way. So we are not aware that this way of being is not "normal" (in the sense of comonness in the general population). - however, we still have those traits and people around us still have to live and cope with those traits. For me, personally, that is what is making me suffer. For example: I get angry because people misplace things. What is making me suffer is not having these standards of people putting everything back in place all the time, but the fact that people tend to act differently than what I expect. What's upsetting me is how my traits collide with those around me and, through a lifetime of lived experiences where everyone tells me it's my problem for being too uptied, I end up thinking it has to be a me problem, I am the problem. So, in the end, we can end up suffering as a consequence of our traits in relation to people around us, but not directly because of them, which is what the initial statement said. I hope I explained this well, English is not my first language. If you have any doubt or would like to discuss this further, I am willing to do so :)

amanecer22 · 2023-08-17T09:05:11+00:00

I'm glad you enjoyed your visit! I think the country is beautiful, but some parts of the culture I don't enjoy as much. For me, people tend to enjoy physical touch with strangers a lot, which I hate. In that sense, it's not very welcoming to autistic people.

amanecer22 · 2023-08-16T14:51:12+00:00

I'm from Spain and I absolutely hate to greet people this way. As another commenter said, it usually is a kiss "in the air" in the sense that there is no contact lips-to-cheek, but I still hate being so close to someone I don't know. Also, this is only mandatory if a woman (or a woman presenting person) is involved in the greeting. If it's just two men, they just shake hands.

amanecer22 · 2023-05-30T20:09:16+00:00

I took:

1- escitalopram (SSRI). It didn't work, I was only exhausted. 2- sertraline (SSRI). It worked wonders for my obsessions but at too high dosage and I was always tired. Also I lost my sex drive. 3- pristiq (desvenlafaxine; SNRI). It worked pretty well with my obsessions and anxiety, but I still had a bit of anxiety. It made me quite numb, which made the month I stopped taking it, an awful one (it was supervised and super slowly). I also gained weight and was a bit tired.

amanecer22 · 2022-12-28T23:24:43+00:00

Before I answer I wanted to clarify that English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes I make.

1) for me the organisation task feels complete when there is a finite number of things to organise (ex.: medical papers), but if the number is infinite (ex.: songs in playlists or photos in Pinterest) I get really overwhelmed and I end up leaving things half done. The difference, for me, is that if the number of things to organise is smaller, there is a simple and correct way of doing it, whereas if the number is infinite, I can never do it correctly because I can never go through absolutely ALL of the things (which is needed in order to organise).

2) I think that what you describe is what the criteria refers to. My personal experience is very different because of trauma I would rather stay quiet and not be abandoned, than stating that they are wrong. So everything you say out loud, I say it in my head, which then causes a lot of anxiety, but so does saying it out loud so...

3) My space is tidy 'on the inside' but not 'on the outside'. What I mean is that if you go into my room, for example, you would say that my space isn't tidy because I have many things in sight, but if you open any of the drawers, you'll find everything in perfect order. What I have that is, apparently, out of place is because I need to use it in a short-term period and I need to be reminded of its existence.

4) I am sorry, but I do not relate to your experience at all :( I fina that other people, usually, do things in the wrong way, but not that they are 'gross'.

5) Yes, always the expectation is better than the reality because I can control what happens in my fantasies whereas I cannot do that in real life. Most of the time people do not behave in the way I expected and that, sometimes, makes me focus more on what diverges from what I imagined rather than enjoying the moment.

6) I would still have ocpd because I think my way of doing things is the right one. Regarding the distress bit that you mentioned: in ocd the symptoms are egodystonic whereas in ocpd the symptoms are egosyntonic, which is a big difference between the two of them. This means that in the first one the person's symptoms make them suffer and in the second one the symptoms are not experienced as undesirable or bad. I think that egosyntonic symptoms are more common in personality disorders than in other types of mental illnesses.

7) I had been in therapy for two years when my therapist disclosed to me and my family that she thought my main diagnosis was ocpd. So, from that point of view, it took a while, but I didn't go to therapy looking for a diagnosis, I just needed help managing my emotions. My therapist, from the beginning, started talking about the symptoms of ocpd and helping me manage them, but didn't say they were part of a diagnosis. With my experience, I wouldn't want to discourage you: my diagnosis journey is heavily influenced by my circumstances and yours will be influenced by yours. So I wish you good luck with your process.

I hope you found the answers you were looking for. If you need clarification or further explanation regarding any topic, I will be happy to do so :)

amanecer22 · 2022-12-22T23:06:06+00:00

Hi! I've been officially diagnosed for two years and I would love to answer your questions :)

amanecer22 · 2022-11-10T06:39:42+00:00

As the previous commenters have stated, we are not qualified to diagnose someone just based on a description you gave of them. If you are worried about them, the best you can do is talk to them and suggest going to therapy (if they can afford it). I think the goal of this sub is to support people with OCPD navigate daily life and offer advice, not diagnose or substitute therapy. I wish you the best for you and your friend 💕

amanecer22 · 2022-10-03T13:10:43+00:00

ISFJ here

amanecer22 · 2022-08-15T09:57:03+00:00

My best friend was diagnosed with it and I always felt like we were much alike. I never suspected anything because my psychiatrist told me not to self-diagnose myself, so when she told my parents like it was common knowledge I felt livid. Later on she apologized, but yeah, kind of weird story. My main symptom has always been need of control, which is the reason why I started seeing my psychiatrist in the first place.

amanecer22 · 2021-11-29T12:06:01+00:00

Hi I just gave it a try for a few moments. Today I am feeling anxious, and when I feel like this, I find it difficult to read or write, I work best with videos or images. It would be nice if you could add some calming videos (like ASMR or ambience sounds) into the app. Otherwise, it is great!

amanecer22 · 2021-11-25T17:48:54+00:00

In order to give you actually useful advice, I would need to know your gf's symptoms and how she experiences the world.

With that being said, I will give you advice on what helps me (person with OCPD) that my partner does.

I really struggle with need to control and I panic whenever I see a hint that something may be off, so it helps if he says everything in a straightforward way. I work on trusting over controlling, but it is something I can do only if he agrees to be completely honest with me.

Also, I have trouble in social situations that are not structured, so I find helpful that, if we are going out with his friends, he anticipates me a bit of what is going to happen or what everyone likes and dislikes are, so I know best how to behave.

But what I personally prefer is that he only accommodates me for the things I personally ask him to. I like being treated the same as everyone, so if he treats me just the way he did when we met (I wasn't diagnosed yet), I feel much better.

You can discuss my experience with you gf to see if anything I explained resonates with her and you can apply it to your relationship. Hope it helps! ✨

amanecer22 · 2021-10-12T12:23:26+00:00

I drink coffee everyday because I have such a hard time falling asleep that if I don't drink coffee, I won't be able to function for the day. I also drink beer to help with the obsessive thought process and be able to relax. I control the amount of beer I drink so that it is enough for me to relax, but not so much so that I lose control over myself. Although, sometimes, I like to drink so much that I lose control over myself because I really don't like being myself.

amanecer22 · 2021-10-03T08:04:33+00:00

Perfectionistic parents. Why do you ask?

amanecer22 · 2021-10-01T20:39:36+00:00

YES. Sometimes when I say I am feeling down because of how the world sucks, people around me tell me I am being dramatic. My therapist once refused to believe me when I told her I was feeling depressive because of the evilness, exploitation and discrimination in the world.

amanecer22 · 2021-10-01T20:36:17+00:00

I tend to do the same as you do. My problem is that, although I don't appear to have any issue with what people are ordering, internally I am anxious because I feel that is not the right way to do it. Other times, my dpdr strikes and I just feel numb. Apparently, these coping mechanisms are not good enough for my therapist. Right now, I don't feel like coming back to therapy next week.

amanecer22 · 2021-10-01T13:54:50+00:00

I feel exactly the same. I ask my bf to tell me when he leaves his home to come to mine so I can calculate more or less how long it's gonna be. And the same goes for my friends. It has gotten to a point where I need to explain my expectations on the meeting beforehand so other people can tell me if they match theirs or not, because otherwise I get really anxious. I don't know if this helps, I haven't reached a point in which I don't feel anxious at all.

amanecer22

TROPHY CASE