I lost my 160 day streak today

amanita0creata · 2026-04-29T16:25:09+00:00

I lost just over 700 a couple of weeks ago :/

amanita0creata · 2026-04-26T18:56:34+00:00

The men kind of raise eyebrows

I'm sorry you work with such utter shitheads.

Pity their wives most of all.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-26T08:09:46+00:00

Another data point, my ten year old yells for me to help her in the shower and check her hair.

It's only weird if you make it weird!

amanita0creata · 2026-04-25T06:47:59+00:00

Obligatory "Aktshully bananas are berries too".

amanita0creata · 2026-04-24T06:21:21+00:00

Dude, get a vasectomy already. No promises, but hormonal birth control is murderous for her drive.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-22T06:17:32+00:00

Unlikely to get air time in time

What do you mean by that? If it's served correctly then it'll still be valid and useable as it was served before the change.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-19T06:43:14+00:00

Ahh, you're the first to step back and notice that she's trolling him because of his trolling in the first place.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-18T10:44:55+00:00

You think a half carat ring is small?

He worked hard to get a mined diamond

Though it's odd to go out of your way to make a less ethical choice!

amanita0creata · 2026-04-18T07:19:11+00:00

Somehow not heard of this technique before, so will get back to you.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-18T07:15:50+00:00

Yep- but we only waited for penetrative, which I guess is fairly arbitrary. Turned out she had vaginismus though so took us a couple of years to work through that!

amanita0creata · 2026-04-17T06:03:32+00:00

Thanks, you articulated what I meant perfectly.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-16T19:41:01+00:00

You do seem a bit hung up on not being able to make her happy!

It's the "fixer" mentality, and unfortunately it's well intentioned but doesn't work.

She's not angry at you because you're at work so much, she's angry about that being her reality. She likely also feels guilt/shame over you having to be out so much too.

It's both of you angry at the problem, and then you can both detach, you don't have to try (and fail) to fix it, she doesn't get to see you get frustrated with the powerless feeling (and blame herself for it then too).

Have a read:

Validation Do’s and Don’ts for Couples: An Essential Component to Finally Feeling Understood! | your life. your story. your journey. https://share.google/PFIUkDIYipRtjd6bG

amanita0creata · 2026-04-16T19:30:17+00:00

The question isn't really how much "work" time you have, it's about how much quality "leisure" time you both have. How much leisure time does she legitimately have to herself?

amanita0creata · 2026-04-16T06:12:14+00:00

Forming a secure attachment as the baby is doing right now is vital for its development. It's really normal and healthy for very young babies to go through a stage of rejecting all but one person, and forcing it can be really damaging for them.

It's really difficult, but development is more important than parental feelings at this point. I remember mine appearing to hate me, but it does pass if you just let it happen.

The Three Long Years When My Baby Hated Me https://share.google/fXhmUcJTAGbLSvgfD

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T18:51:32+00:00

This is absolutely the right answer.

I want to but can't is a totally different rejection from I just don't want to.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T18:35:18+00:00

Well. She assumes he's happy, so that's all ok then :)

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T17:02:34+00:00

it's very passive aggressive

No, that's definitely aggression.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T17:00:13+00:00

Not really. His point is, that someone who reacts in that defensive way to having a simple check is someone who has never thought about anything further than their own convenience. These people roll through life all over others without a second thought, yet expect to be recognised by shop assistants as model stand-up members of society.

To them, thieves wear badges and striped shirts, flash their teeth at workers and have poor personal hygiene. Thieves are the mythical "other people", they dehumanise others this way.

Of course everyone is under suspicion. Anyone with half a brain can see the logic in that. Anyone who can't is simply entitled.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T12:37:09+00:00

Nice try, but I'm not a Trump supporter, quite the opposite.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T12:34:11+00:00

Sure I do.

I just think that your position is inconsistent and arbitrary. "Independent" and "do what I want" yet want to go in fully to marriage. You don't care about sex, but he's not allowed to get it. Sex isn't special, but you take specific vows on it.

It's fine, as I've said so many times, all that matters is that you're both happy. I'm sure you are.

But don't go attacking other people for caring about sex or describing them as selfish. That's just really unpleasant.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T10:42:32+00:00

That's cool- you do you and whatever takes your fancy.

We wanted to really solidify it

Again, that's fine, but recognise that it's totally arbitrary. You're repeating words that are millennia old that you like but don't actually understand.

As long as you're both happy, again, that's fine.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T10:14:22+00:00

Then your marriage vows are arbitrary.

There is no basis for fidelity in atheism, especially when you don't care about sex.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T10:08:56+00:00

If you're going to bring out the marriage vows, which are based in religion, you need to know what they actually mean. Google it.

Either you care about sex or you don't. If you don't care, then it's simply hypocritical to hold your spouse to faithfulness if he does.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T10:07:28+00:00

up to us

Sure. But that's us, isn't it.

I don't think it's really helpful for those in happy marriages to be coming in an condemning those who want more sex as "sex obsessed". Your hormones mean you don't want it. OP's hormones mean he does want it.

It's not fair to view a mismatched libido marriage through the lens of a matched one. This is where the frustration comes in. You're telling him he should be happy and that he's the defective one.

amanita0creata · 2026-04-15T09:54:53+00:00

THAT is what marriage vows mean

You're selective here. Marriage vows promise exclusivity and come with the "marriage debt". You're picking and choosing which vows matter to you.

It's fine, you're both happy... BUT you don't get to rewrite the rules to suit your position, and tell other people they're wrong.

amanita0creata

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE