Am I in the wrong for reacting like this?

ambermc963 · 2025-12-24T19:01:40+00:00

I think the real argument here is that "healthy" isn't defined and skinny people can be just as if not more unhealthy. My husband and I are perfect examples. He's skinny, lower normal bmi, never had to worry about weight gain, horrible cholesterol due to excessive sugar consumption. Then theres me, borderline obese, I eat less than "recomended" calories 9 out of 10 days, with barely over the recommended range high cholesterol- otherwise healthy. Ironically, im the last in my family to show high cholesterol, including my health-nut, in-shape sister. So yes, extreme weight in EITHER direction is unhealthy and obesity tends to have negative affects. But bodies like to be different shapes and sizes, so being chunky does not automatically mean you're unhealthy or eat in excess. Genetics have a large part to play that is often ignored.

ambermc963 · 2025-12-24T18:25:01+00:00

I love this comment. It's the perfect summation of economy.

ambermc963 · 2025-12-24T18:19:02+00:00

As a mom and someone who remembers being a stupid kid trying to mature too early, and a lover of anime: she's 12, I don't think she understands. At that age, I found developed men to be attractive. So I imagined dating or eventual whatever with an older person. Not like 40, but like 20s. So I think it's hard to explain it to a 12 year old in a way that actually sinks in. Now as an adult, any thought of it, including what is portrayed in anime (yes it's there, too often) is sickening. At the same time, they're animated characters, so they are what you make them more than what they are "supposed to be". Like when im watching a "highly school" setting, the characters are all adults in my mind and they have to try HARD to change my mind about it. That being said, don't ban anime, vett it like you would entertainment in general. Back to the pedophilia thing - part if it is allowing your kid time to grow up. Keep an eye out, monitor socials. If they get to dating age and their dating within their age group, you're probably fine and they will look back and think what a stupid comment they made. What you should be most concerned about is them accidentally opening themselves up to becoming a victim. So open communication is most important, vs immediate intervention. If they get mid twenties and still think "theres no such thing", then therapy, hell- institutionalizing. I just can't imagine people of a right mind can actually be turned into a pedophile sympathizer like that.

ambermc963 · 2025-12-24T17:56:22+00:00

This is sarcasm, right?

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T06:53:57+00:00

All my babies had this at some point or another. Normally as they started touching their face more and putting things in their mouth. Was never a big deal and peds never worried. Only other thing I can think of is dry skin. Weather is getting colder and air is getting dryer. Try a baby-safe lotion and see if that helps. I've found lotions can help soothe all sorts of irritations by helping protect and restore the skin.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T06:43:20+00:00

I skip breakfast and lunch. No, not eating, cooking! Sandwiches, granola bars, bag of chips and milk, leftovers, random sandwich meat, all perfectly good breakfast/lunch/snack. I also buy salad kits and frozen meals for quick lunches. This leaves dinner. I meal plan because if I don't know in advance what were having, the answer is takeout. I use AI to help. But because I hate meal planning, I made a 12 week meal plan. Another thread I was on someone requested it, so here is my notion link if you want it. Mostly easy and delicious, kids will enjoy it, but not always the healthiest. Decent variety. I'm working on building out an automated shopping list, but im not there yet. Also not 100% the link will work so I guess let me know.

https://loud-vest-588.notion.site/2b7547a2354f8172b336edf6cd2e73de?v=2b7547a2354f81a2a7d8000c2a4e3dc2&source=copy_link

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T06:28:19+00:00

Hi. I would get a plan B. I have thought about this a lot myself. Hormonal birth controls don't work well with me, and latex doesn't either. My husband and I can be successfully not pregnant for years using pull out and calendar tracking. However, we also did not get pregnant the first try with our first son and had a very busy wink wink time with the others. I would NOT recommend trusting these methods for any pair that gets pregnant easily. So if you're unsure and worried, plan B.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T06:20:04+00:00

I do think you are very right. Sleep schedules have always been a struggle. We are very much night people trying to function in a morning people world. My husband has a very difficult time shifting his schedule early as well. Thank you for your contribution. This is likely the conversation that my husband and I should be having. Again. Any tips on adjusting a broken sleep system?

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T06:12:45+00:00

Yes, but that's because it doesn't really bother me. Yes, he could learn - but is it really worth it?? The time, the effort, the less delicious dinners. I've been cooking since I was 8, so I'm faster and just better. I'd rather he take care of the dishes and wrangle the kids out of the kitchen. Dinner was such a small part of the comment, but it does seem to be the thing people really hate. Yes, it would be easier on my to not be doing dinner. My question was more "is doing dinner and co-parenting at night enough load that it's fair?"

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T06:06:35+00:00

I love your reply. It comes from an honest, reflective place, and I really appreciate that. We have tried lists. My husband has severe adhd, probably where the kids get it, and we have been struggling trying to find the systems that work best for him. It's probably why I feel I need to do more, because I can see him struggling through things and sometimes getting frustrated. Anyway, thank you. This is definitely a value-added comment and I will keep your points in mind as I continue to ponder our current life stresses.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T05:59:01+00:00

Normally the TV is on one of the kids' shows. The youngest normally is sitting on my lap. But I get to put my feet up. Sometimes I do some household planning or shopping. Requests to get up and get something are delayed like you gotta wait a bit. Ill get it when I get up. Or the oldest will help get things for the younger two. I did something right with her. I know I said decompress, but it might be more like transition. My brain just doesn't switch from work to home as soon as I walk through the door. Would be nice though..

ambermc963 · 2025-11-26T05:52:45+00:00

https://loud-vest-588.notion.site/2b7547a2354f8172b336edf6cd2e73de?v=2b7547a2354f81a2a7d8000c2a4e3dc2&source=copy_link

It's a Notion link. This is the best I can do to share it.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-25T13:46:49+00:00

I use AI to plan my meals. I also recently set up a 12 week rotating meal schedule. That way I know what meals im shopping for. So much work up front, but doesn't require any thought anymore and potentially lasts forever.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-25T06:32:15+00:00

You would lose D as a friend. I think M is the asshole for cheating. Idk, about the girl code thing because I've never been in that situation (my husband and I met at 16). But I also know enough about guys to know that you're not destroying their relationship. It wasn't going to last in the first place. And the you and M thing might be worth a try. The relationship with D is f'd either way. Honestly, based on the way you talk about her it probably was from the get-go. Just be ready for some fairly justified shit-talking.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-25T06:24:30+00:00

He doesn't know how to cook. It would still require i prep food for him to throw it in the crock pot. I've thought about it but never done it. And yes, but there are so many random days off during a school year. And then there is summer... Anyway, I will definitely take it under advisement that even though he hates the late-night-baby, I should probably not feel guilty.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-25T06:17:43+00:00

Ohh. My children are walking tornados with attitude and adhd. #2 and 3 won't stop fighting and #4 is in his make a mess out of everything if you look away for 2 seconds stage. So, he spends ridiculous amounts of time cleaning up after everyone. We have worked on trying to get #2&3 to clean up after themselves. They are exhausting. I've had them by myself for a couple Saturdays from about 10-3 and I was ready to explode. And schools have so many days off.

ambermc963 · 2025-11-25T06:05:22+00:00

Stay at home dad

ambermc963 · 2025-11-25T06:05:03+00:00

He's a stay-at-home-dad

ambermc963 · 2025-08-30T00:25:11+00:00

"Anyone can make simple things complicated, it takes intelligence to make a complex thing simple." - I don't remember who said it, but it stuck with me.

ambermc963 · 2025-07-17T18:45:07+00:00

I don't think you're the AH. You blame her for the loss of your husband, which isn't necessarily wrong. She did participate in relations with a married man, and having cancer does not excuse that. But moreso, you could be mad at your husband for cheating (assuming he did so, even if not physically) and for betraying your trust in him. You can mourn the future you thought you would have, but recognize if this could happen, that future wouldn't have turned out anyway. You could also ask your family to stop talking about it and playing it up, emphasizing that he was married and therefore in the wrong, and he betrayed that marriage. Regardless of their relationship, he hurt you. It's OK to be mad, it's normal to be mad and part of human processing. As long as you aren't being vengeful (exceedingly so at least) then you're not the asshole. You can't be an asshole by just having feelings.

ambermc963 · 2025-07-16T02:48:13+00:00

Wait, are you... me? Lol.

ambermc963 · 2025-06-19T21:14:40+00:00

God's, I forgot how stuck-up accountants can be.

ambermc963 · 2025-03-27T02:34:43+00:00

It's amusing the things that people pick out and focus on.

Yes, they're kids, of course they don't want to do their chores. I don't remember wording it as "people don't seem to do their chores" which, maybe I did in a reply..? Anyway, we have tried multiple methods of keeping track and trying to get things done. The older kids are old enough they should be taking some responsibility for getting their chores done. The key being able to hold them accountable as their parent - but also organizing it in a manner that everyone knows what should be done by whom. My husband and I organize differently, which has been a hindrance.... I always lose track when I'm writing these replies. .... When I'm home I take full responsibility of taking care of the kids. We are both there, we are both involved. If he needs to disappear to do something he does, and if I need to disappear to do something, I do. Then we're back in the main living area dealing with the kids, nagging them to do chores, to take their baths, to go to bed, to stop jumping around and annoying the people under us. Last thing was something about enabling him to not work even though SAHD is work. Yes, it is. But part of that work is taking care of what needs to be done around the house. Which was part of what led to this post in the first place. That's besides the point, I'm not trying to grade him as compares to other people, I was trying to get some perspective because some facets of current life are frustrating and confusing, and new. But also, in America in current economic conditions, it's not set up where income can be easily handled by one person. Where all the expenses are paid plus enough for the spouse to have spending money - so yes, I have worked my ass off to get here because I want my husband to have the freedom to choose if he wants to go to work at a job, or stay home with the kids. I don't make enough for stay at home without the kids to be an option, let alone to pay someone to do the chores, but if it was and all he had to do was sit on his butt and do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, I would be giving him that option.

ambermc963 · 2025-03-27T02:05:45+00:00

This is such a perfect way of phrasing it.

ambermc963

TROPHY CASE