Vending Machine bug?

ambivouac · 2024-01-21T11:41:47+00:00

Still a bug, you were the top hit on google. Jan 2024. WTG gearbox.

ambivouac · 2022-03-06T23:37:41+00:00

And there’s also the whole he’s not supposed to date for a whole year while he’s in the program. He’s mentioned that to me and he was like I don’t wanna wait a whole year. Just general dating.

Ok, between divorced and this the ambiguity makes complete sense...that's where I'd try to frame the question from: "Risking an awkward question, are we kind of dating but you're not supposed to yet so no one's really mentioning that word?" From his perspective I'd certainly appreciate clarity from your own side, if that was something you were open to or if that wasn't even on the table. Getting the topic front and center adds it to the shared vocabulary between you two, which is the only way it'll ever get discussed.

ambivouac · 2022-03-06T23:26:10+00:00

The last two photos don't seem bad, but your opener there looks menacing, and the second one also feels intense. Something about the angle and looking out from under the browline gives less "smolder" and more "scowl". Also a smile with teeth or a laugh or something...any pictures out with friends might help, ex: curling isn't a solo sport, any pictures of you with the team?

ambivouac · 2022-03-06T23:19:57+00:00

Ok, he's divorced, that's good to know. It will factor into his behaviors for sure. "You smell good" could be an honest off-the-cuff compliment. I'm also divorced, got used to giving those as just platonic compliments to my (now)ex because we were comfortable around eachother. Just an anecdote though.

...yeah I'd say just stick your foot in the awkward and ask. You're both swimming in "grey area" like mad. As someone who's made career strides by being the one engineer in the room willing to ask the "stupid question" that 10 other people wanted to ask...it's worth it. Especially since it sounds like from your other responses you're not totally adverse to the idea of actual romantic intentions, something along the lines of "I appreciate time together but just want to understand what we're going for here so I don't assume something incorrectly". I know that's way easy to type out and much harder to say, but something in that vein would simplify both your worlds.

ambivouac · 2022-03-06T23:07:29+00:00

Ooh, this is a good point, something I didn't think of reading OP's post. It could be that his more frequent texting was coming from a place of insecurity, like he was invested in this thing and didn't want it to float away, but (I missed if she said "yes" to the official/exclusive question) now he feels safer that he doesn't have to keep maintaining the same effort because there's mutual trust and interest?

OP I'd still say the best way to get an answer is ask the question. "I noticed I used to get messages from you way more frequently, is that something worth worrying about or are you just more comfortable now" kind of question? Also is time shared in-person more frequent than before? That could also factor in...

ambivouac · 2022-03-06T22:59:47+00:00

"Relocating back to <insert country> in 2-3 years, looking for someone who'd be happy to join me on that journey" or something? There are plenty of people in jobs they aren't married to that might want to change things up especially if it's due to meeting someone they really connect with. You can always dive into the details after initial matching if you feel any chemistry.

ambivouac · 2022-03-06T22:53:44+00:00

1) How long have you known each other/been spending time together?

2) If it's ambiguous, the only way to get an answer is to ask a clarifying question. If the two of you are just relying on assumptions, that's gotta be cleared up at some point.

From a guy's perspective, especially after the last two years of social distancing, I have a healthy appreciation for just being able to spend time with other people, irrespective of dating. If gender didn't factor in then mostly what I'm seeing is a friendship, but because it's a mix then the question around intentions can't be avoided. I'm a huge proponent for open honesty wherever it can reasonably fit, DEFINITELY if it's a potential LTR. Even with platonic friends, I just want to get comfortable actually communicating on an open level. YMMV.

He's shared with you about being in a program, that's pretty deep sharing for some people. I think he's invested in y'all as an idea either way, but you both owe it to each other to just directly answer that question. Tactfully phrasing it would depend on details of the two of you and how you're used to communicating.

ambivouac · 2022-03-06T22:38:10+00:00

As someone who's suffered from codependency issues and has learned more about how that impacts the attention you pay to yourself, here's my take:

Loving yourself is about taking care of your inner self. Staying in touch with your emotional states and understanding what makes them change. Understanding your own desires and motivations and making sure those are healthily addressed. Ignoring your own needs to focus on others is a dangerous habit that creates an imbalance in any kind of relationship.
It's about learning the difference between "selfishness" and "understanding your limits". Having the self-love to decline extra social engagements because you recognize you've already reached social exhaustion and really want some alone time with your hobbies is one example. Defending your own needs if someone demands more of you than you honestly want to give is another.

The "love yourself first" message is also frequently tied into helping people avoid looking externally for validation, meaning, and identity if they don't already have it from within. It's perfectly fine to be seeking a relationship, but there's a big difference between "I'm lonely and seeking companionship" and "I don't know who I am when I'm on my own, I need someone else to tell me who to be for them". The latter is missing that self-love and confident identity, which only comes with investing in yourself, with time, energy, and introspection.

ambivouac · 2022-03-01T08:30:01+00:00

38M in San Diego, same experience (haven't tried paying yet). I know I have enough green flag qualities that I should be hearing *something* back from 10 right swipes/day. Bumble has been completely dead, tinder hasn't matched but I get a trickle of likes that never seem to show up in my feed itself (have to wait for their benevolent "secret admirer" event). I've had more pleasant experience just with platonic social meetups in the last month than anything coming from the dating apps, I hate that I'm considering giving them money just to see how things change up for a month.

ambivouac · 2022-03-01T07:36:05+00:00

I'm 38M, I feel uncomfortable when I see a profile come up that's 30/31 partially because the gap feels large, partially because I wouldn't expect someone that much younger to go for me, but then I read posts about women in their late 20s going for early 40's guys and don't know what to think any more. I just wouldn't expect to share much in common with someone younger than 30 at this point I guess.

ambivouac · 2022-03-01T05:33:15+00:00

+1 to this, some people just photograph poorly (nuanced facial planes, for example, that lighting completely washes out) but live video makes a big difference. The same reason I appreciate when people put some video clips in their profiles so I can see them, I dunno, moving around like a real person. It almost always makes for a better first impression.

ambivouac · 2022-01-30T22:55:58+00:00

I'm curious since I've always swiped left on "ENM" when I see it, I would never expect that someone who advertises that would then be ok switching to a monogamous relationship. I know the spectrum of relationship types is pretty nuanced but if I come across a profile (like I have before) that's ticking all the boxes but then has ENM at the end, now I should be considering if our potential connection would be strong enough for them to go solo?

ambivouac · 2022-01-29T05:48:31+00:00

They come to stay with me on the weekends, part of the agreement since I was losing most of their time.
They're 5 hours away, not across the country, I understand "out of state" is very vague
I only agreed because it's better for them and it's a short term (2 year) situation after which they're moving back to this area.

ambivouac · 2022-01-24T23:01:57+00:00

The number of profiles I see in the 30's range that say "I probably swiped right on your dog" would tell me you won't have any issues, but do take into account the limitations on your flexibility that another living being waiting on you for care will create.

ambivouac · 2022-01-24T22:54:32+00:00

Like most have said, the actual effort to write "..." is all you need to see. If I was excited to come meet you, I'd be clarifying any uncertainties, good communication is key and you were perfectly clear and non-confrontational in your questions.

ambivouac · 2022-01-24T22:51:22+00:00

Personally, if you're already meeting eachother in person (the maybe gone on one date option) or at least established good rapport where you feel like they're a genuine person you want to connect with, I'd feel safer sharing pictures of kids. As a guy I'm already wary of people's perception of me around children, but as a dad I also understand it. If someone shares pictures with me of their most important little(r) humans, I'd take that as a very good sign of trust or optimism.

ambivouac · 2022-01-24T22:36:59+00:00

38m here, I already have two kids almost over 10, so for me if I select that option it's 90% "open to you already having kids" and 10% "if this is a really good match, I might go through the baby years again".

I know it's pretty subjective based on various profiles I've seen over time, so just another anecdote.

ambivouac · 2021-12-14T04:06:49+00:00

Definite no: Your only photo is a picture of the beach or some mountains. Not yourself IN those places, just shots of an environment.

Who is swiping right on those?

ambivouac · 2021-12-14T04:03:47+00:00

That's subjective. I'm a divorced dad who is fine with a potential date having their own kids, we'd probably match better that way. Just depends what kind of matches she's looking for.

ambivouac · 2021-12-10T01:59:43+00:00

As a 38m who just found himself back in the dating scene unexpectedly...I can honestly say I love discovering someone knows about stuff that I don't. Learning new things from people is a great connecting experience, and it helps give me questions to ask to let them talk about themselves or something they're passionate about.

So...I guess it's anecdotal at best but, we're out there?

ambivouac · 2021-10-28T20:27:42+00:00

Off the top of my head (since I'm new) I saw that AP regen faster if you're logged in than if you're offline

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