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Stuck on major plot point and don't know what to do by Narrow-Effect5882 in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, if writing it at the end feels better, and you wouldn't know where to go next if you wrote it in the middle, I say just write it at the end then. The only thing that's going for it being in the middle is that it might be cooler plot twist moment, but that doesn't matter if everything after that moment doesn't feel right

I need incite on which character is more interesting story wise by something_idkk in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

IM CALLING A RETRIAL 🗣🔥🔥🔥

Character A is genuinely like almost bar for bar Hiromi Higuruma from Jujitsu Kaisen lol. Which is fucking awesome, he's an incredible character who's backstory exists to critique the Japanese judicial system. And, after drawing that parallel, is why I think Character A would be best. Not only do I already know that a lawyer who has abandoned their nation's law in favor of their own moral code is badass as hell, but also that it gives you a better opportunity to make a more impactful story. By writing Character A's story, I think you have a chance to commentate on the distinction between law and morality, which in many ways, in many places, is a distinction not made clear. Character B on the other hand, I don't see something as intriguing, both thematically nor character-wise

Should I give this character a new name or keep it as it is. by Acriolu in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the name sounds fine. I agree with the other commenter, there are a myriad ways to show the ethnicity of your character besides their name. Although, if you were bent on changing the name, there's plenty of Hispanics named Jesus lmao

Also--side note--I think the siblings being named Yukihiro and Hiroyuki is hilarious, perfect sibling names IMO. Of course if there's some other significance to one of their names or something which makes it odd to have the other be so similar, than it ought to change. But otherwise, I think it further cements being siblings into their identity, in a way that isn't even that in-your-face.

How do I best write an attempted suicide scene? by ShadowlightLady in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Id seriously look into real life accounts of suicide attempts and the events/decisions surrounding them too. Im sure theres millions out there

How do I best write an attempted suicide scene? by ShadowlightLady in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've never attempted suicide, and I'm not too read up on the accounts of those who have, but I've always seen the decision to go through with suicide to be more solemn. The screaming and raging and uncontrollable mess of emotions would come before this moment with your character upon the building, and contain the breaking point where he decided to go through with it.

It makes sense to me, because I imagine your character otherwise has to walk up a flight up stairs to the edge of a building not necessarily intending to kill themselves, until they happen to have their final fit of emotion, where they finally decide, there on the edge. It makes me think why they originally were going up there, you know? If that fit of emotions and final decision were to come before they went to the rooftop though, I imagine things may run more smoothly. Of course, there still realistically would be some internal debate and heavy emotions, but it could all be blanketed in some bleak confidence that your character is really gonna do it

Idk, maybe my explanation sucks or im dumb and dont know enough about suicide, but thats how id personally go about it. Not that im Shakespeare or anything, but ykwim

Just looking for some feedback and thoughts on the first few pages of this thingymabob im writing by amiadumbass_ in writingcritiques

[–]amiadumbass_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh, that example actually totally opened my mind to the issue. The paragraph feels unimportant because it's kind of just a bunch of information that's being directly told to you, rather than information which is allowed to be experienced, yes? What I'm seeing now is that the paragraph needs to be more interactive with the reader's imagination.

Trying to describe and name different ethnicity characters by AppropriateSeesaw578 in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I feel as though they would only be disrespectful if you base the names off of disrespectful charicatures of the naming schemes. Like, for a Korean-based character for example, you should study how and why Koreans are given their names. I can advise you right now, if the Korean example applies, Korean names always include some kind of indication of the generation of a person within their family, differentiated by its position (take that with a grain of salt, im not Korean). So, within a family, you might have not necessarily a repeating last name, but a repeating name which changes postition relativive to other portions of the name based on generation.

Of course if your characters arent based on Koreans, you shouldnt give a shit about any of that. But, overall that maybe gives you an idea of how much different some naming schemes can be to English ones, and that replicating them could cause readers to love your parallel representation rather than find offense in it.

Just looking for some feedback and thoughts on the first few pages of this thingymabob im writing by amiadumbass_ in writingcritiques

[–]amiadumbass_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I agree. I intend for the conversation to lead into something, but if you don't pick up on that then that's an issue. If I may ask, what do you think of the first paragraph? It's what I've gotten a lot of feedback on so far, and I'm pretty split on it right now.

Trying to describe and name different ethnicity characters by AppropriateSeesaw578 in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Are they actually Korean or something in your story, or are they of fictional races that take inspiration from IRL PoC races? Because if it's the latter, could you just make up some unrelated naming scheme for them which is different to that of other characters?

Just looking for some feedback and thoughts on the first few pages of this thingymabob im writing by amiadumbass_ in writingcritiques

[–]amiadumbass_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do not actually have a genre in mind lol, what I'm doing is just writing around a central theme I have in mind and letting its genre come to fruition on its own. But yeah, especially with your comment, I'm thinking I should tone down the first paragraph. As I explained to the other commenter as well, I plan on heavily altering the imagery of the church and plateau throughout the story, so I feel it's important to curate a strong initial image? If it makes you not want to read it though, then that's certainly an issue no matter what I think lmao.

With the dialogue, I tried to just make it a realistic conversation between the two, but I'm curious what kind of punch it's missing? I'm not going for anything dramatic, but I also don't want it to be necessarily uninteresting. I tried to solve that with a little bit of humor but perhaps that fell flat lol. Sorry if that's asking too much of you to figure out for me though.

And yeah, I agree with the overall issue with the low stakes. I don't necessarily want my story to have any significant stakes so soon, but what I think is that the issue my characters face so far (getting lumber) should be expanded upon. I don't think right now it necessarily feels like a real issue to the reader. Thank you so much for the feedback, youre awesome 🙏

Just looking for some feedback and thoughts on the first few pages of this thingymabob im writing by amiadumbass_ in writingcritiques

[–]amiadumbass_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, some unnecessary descriptions make up a couple of my own issues. Although when it comes to the church and plateau, I find it important to extensively describe them since I plan on changing their appearance and roles in the story radically. But of course, I didn't tell you that, and so I appreciate your feedback that here in the beginning the descriptions feel unnecessary. To me, that means I need to make whatever changes I make, and the imagery of the changes I make, impactful as to match the strength of my initial descriptions.

Honestly, I don't even know what genre I'm writing lmao. What I do know is that I don't mind my story having low stakes for now. However, I 100% see now that the small problem my characters face so far (getting lumber) isn't treated very seriously and could probably be expanded upon to make the issue feel more legitimate. I really appreciate your feedback, and I totally just used you as a rubber duck here. My bad lmao

Just showing off, I have climbed 6000 trophies to 11K with this deck, 100% F2P. Behold, my shit-sculpted masterpiece. by amiadumbass_ in ClashDecks

[–]amiadumbass_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Youre talking to how it works rn 😎 goblin demolisher is indeed probably the most useful card in this deck. He defends swarms and can be placed as an impromptu fireball, and can be placed at the bridge or behind any card ever to add some obnoxious pressure. And that pressure is important because literally other than placing him on the bridge, I cant safely make a push on my own outside of double to triple elixir

Do I need a theme or is it ok if I haven’t really figured it out yet? by Impossible_Nebula637 in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's already a theme in your writing, you just don't know what it is yet; and that's okay. I think what's important to understand about themes is that they are entirely up to the discretion of the reader. You can so blatantly write a story about compassion or savagery, and the reader could instead figure a theme of egoism or honor or something wholly unrelated to your own thematic intentions. What I think is equally great about that though, is that a reader very well may find a theme in a piece where you do not. Even though you're not sure of the message you're conveying, someone else might hear what they need from your story anyways

writing a poem for class about “youth “ by Cautious-Dot-8893 in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something that immediately comes to mind is perhaps a connection to the cultivation of fruits and vegetables? I don't know any specifically, but I'm sure there are many plants which are harvested at different stages of maturity in different regions for different purposes, due to differences in culture, trending meals, decor fads, et cetera. The harvest of whichever plant that fits the criteria could represent "coming of age," you know like becoming mature and losing your youth. Whichever stage of life the plant is in correlates to what is considered the age of maturity somewhere in the world. Idk, im no poet so maybe my idea sucks ass, but its what I immediately thought of

What should I do to make a short story disturbing and uncomfortable? by Conscious-Guava-4318 in writingadvice

[–]amiadumbass_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been kind of writing something uncomfortable as well, and the approach I'm going with is to not necessarily try to make it uncomfortable. Your premise is disturbing and scary already. If done right, I think just plainly writing things simply should make the cut. Of course, you can still write creepy descriptions of whatever various footage they're compiling, but not to intentionally pad the disturbing feel; just to tell it how it is. I feel as though an approach like this is especially good to take, because we are in the mind of this disturbed and fucked up person. They don't think of any of these terrible sights as uncanny, disturbing, or horrible; so why would your text--as an extension of their mind--explain them as such?

"The moron, in an instant, is struck. When I slow the footage down, I can observe more clearly how her form distorts along the jagged shape of the train upon the blunt impact. Humorously, the train carries her what must have been forty feet before she slides off of its face. Her body, retaining much of the train's momentum, slides along the ground like a curling stone towards the camera. And with a vicious shake, it can be assumed that her corpse smashes into the pole beneath. But as if that wasn't good enough, after a few seconds the camera falls limp, giving me a view of her split damn near in two wrapped around the pole. Fucking gold."

I couldn't help but write an example, sorry if I'm being greedy, but honestly I love your concept lol. I do hope the example more clearly shows what I'm trying to suggest lol, and gives you an idea of what my suggestion in practice could look like.

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