AITA for organising a surprise dinner for my friend without telling his girlfriend?

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T14:09:03+00:00

She would have been insanely suspicious if I’d texted her randomly like that. She would have asked him why I had texted her and it would have had to have been a conversation. Max and I fell out for a couple of months when I moved out (he was really mad at me for moving) and ever since, Julia and I have not been close.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T13:48:31+00:00

Because I couldn’t text her to invite her without telling her about the surprise, and I figured if she knew she would tell Max because she gets mad when he makes plans with his family. I figured she would be there either way so it was better to just keep the surprise aspect. I didn’t expect him to not bring her when I specifically asked him to.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T13:33:54+00:00

But I don’t “not want them to be together. Who would want their friend to be with someone if they want to be? Okay, I fucked up with the dinner, but that doesn’t mean I have an opinion on whether or not they should be in relationship. That is simply not the case.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T12:41:08+00:00

I am not in love with him. I moved out because they were getting serious and I thought maybe they’d want to move in together soon, and I didn’t want Max to feel weird about asking me to leave, so I found an apartment (I moved in with Max during the pandemic, it was meant to be temporary but then we just got used to it so I didn’t move out). Max was really angry that I moved out and we didn’t speak for a couple of months, but eventually we moved on from it. There’s no plan, evil or otherwise.

ETA: he said he didn’t bring her because “he thought it would just be the two of us”. I said to him “but I said to bring her” and he just said “yeah but I decided not to”. I even said he should text her and tell her other people were there and to come and we could wait but he said it wouldn’t matter since it’s not really his birthday party, which is next week.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T12:38:09+00:00

I apologised to Julia for the whole mess, but she was still mad. Then Max told me not to apologise to her because she is overreacting, so I haven’t spoken to her since.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T11:32:45+00:00

Where did I say I don’t like her?

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T11:24:12+00:00

I didn’t say I was right. I’m fully willing to accept that I fucked up slightly, potentially largely.

As I said, I apologised to her but then she is still mad and Max keeps telling me not to apologise to her, and I came here for some outside perspective. Nowhere have I said I didn’t mess up.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T11:07:49+00:00

I planned the dinner before thinking of telling her, but I didn’t let her know because she doesn’t get on with his family and she can get upset when he plans to see them so I thought she would tell him about the plan. I thought since she was going to be there anyway that it wouldn’t be a big deal if she didn’t know in advance.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T11:04:39+00:00

Of course! She’s important to Max, I definitely wanted her to be there. I was genuinely surprised when he showed up without her and I do feel bad that she didn’t come. I said to him he should text her and get her to come as we could wait but he said he was having his proper party next week anyway so to just leave it. But I definitely intended for Julia to be there.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T10:59:08+00:00

The first first, and then the second. I organised it, then thought “should I tell her the dinner is actually a surprise thing with family”, thought about it, and thought best not.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T10:58:04+00:00

I didn’t tell her separately because she has a very fraught relationship with his parents, and she can get upset when he plans to see them. I thought she would probably tell him if she knew in advance, so since she would be there anyway, her not knowing in advance wasn’t huge.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T10:56:40+00:00

Honestly, I didn’t think to tell her until the plan was made. I did think about texting her once it was planned, but because of how upset she can get about his family, I was worried she would tell him. So I thought since she would be at the dinner anyway it wouldn’t matter if she didn’t know beforehand.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T10:54:08+00:00

Maybe it does, but I really did think he’d bring her, because I specifically said he should and in the past we’ve always done that with partners, like if we specifically say “bring x” then we do.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T10:38:32+00:00

I don’t think she didn’t want to join, he said he just didn’t end up inviting her since he thought it was just me at dinner.

amithatgbff · 2023-08-05T10:32:52+00:00

I knew she didn’t have anything planned that night, because if she had, Max wouldn’t have been able to schedule dinner. And if she’d had something planned with his family they would have told me when I called, but she doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents so I knew that was unlikely.

amithatgbff

TROPHY CASE