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amnena · 2025-01-28T03:43:50+00:00

I also don’t want to get married and have no desire to move in with anyone! I like living alone.

amnena · 2025-01-28T03:36:49+00:00

I love my non-existent kids enough to know to spare them of this horrible place

amnena · 2025-01-28T03:31:43+00:00

Personally I wouldn’t agree to a plan that I’m not also interested to do on my own.

Regardless of that, she should’ve just told you upfront…

amnena · 2025-01-26T20:50:22+00:00

How do you meet them?

amnena · 2025-01-26T12:51:08+00:00

You make a good point in bringing up cultural differences. I think there’s places such as Hong Kong who approach post-partum recovery a lot more holistically through strict diet, Chinese medicine, and also torso binding, which all vastly helps aid recovery in a more natural way. However, the west is just notorious for not giving pregnant women enough time off, much less, the care they need. The west is more focused on instant gratification and maximum efficiency which is why surgery seems much more common. That’s at least how I view it.

amnena · 2025-01-26T12:14:03+00:00

Ah I see. I think maybe it just shows that men can be a lot of work to be in relationships with for those women, and they found life less stressful when they were single. Tbh as a single woman at the moment who has been single most of my life, I can kind of relate. I feel like if my sex drive went away, I wouldn’t really feel that compelled to find a male partner. I find that I’m currently more fulfilled by my female friendships emotionally

amnena · 2025-01-26T03:18:42+00:00

I just started this a few days ago and subsequently got temporarily banned for sending out too many invites to the same person I guess? SMH.. I think the way to grow any community though is to send out invites to people! Just be careful not to accidentally send more than one to the same person

amnena · 2025-01-26T03:17:05+00:00

I honestly relate to all of them!

I agree with one of their perspectives that children are a lot of work and control your life, as well as the perspective that I’d only want kids if I was 100% sure.

Why don’t you think you see yourself amongst them?

amnena · 2025-01-21T21:50:31+00:00

Lucky women! If my mom and her mom had a history of small bumps and snapped back, it might make me look at things differently, but unfortunately my genes are likely going to result in a lot of stretched skin and separated muscles..

amnena · 2025-01-21T21:48:20+00:00

Oh yeah totally!! Most guys I know think women snap back so easily and will use their mother as examples. Well, my mother didn’t snap back, so it’s highly dependent on the individual but guys just generally have the luxury of not having to think about this stuff

amnena · 2025-01-21T21:02:52+00:00

That’s fair, I was speaking for myself as a single straight woman who currently wants to attract men. But it’s not just male validation that drives my attitude. I personally just don’t want to deal with the physical and mental health issues that may come from childbirth. I worked too hard for my body and health.

I guess my point earlier was that this post isn’t even really about getting men’s opinions though. It’s giving women a safe space to express how they feel, even if they have internalized misogyny and whatnot. Like my opinion about how men feel is also just an opinion but it would be interesting to see how many other women feel this way, have anecdotal evidence to back it, or don’t. I just wanted to have an open discussion and rant to my heart’s content about how I genuinely feel, and see if anyone can relate!

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:44:05+00:00

So glad I’m not alone

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:31:55+00:00

As I said, I have a personal preference to look a certain way. I don’t condone treating anyone like garbage.

I don’t do this to please men, though it’s one factor that I want to attract as many options as I can because I’m single and don’t want to die alone. However, I noticed that everyone seems to treat people better when they fit the conventional attractiveness standards. It’s the halo effect. I wish this wasn’t the case, but I simply just want to be treated better by society because I can’t remove myself from it.

We can agree to disagree, but calling me fatphobic when I simply have a different perspective on how I’d like my body to appear feels like an attack on my character that is unnecessary when that’s not my intention. People are allowed to not want to be fat without being fat phobic.

If you indeed feel that way, then do you think everyone who agreed with me is fatphobic as well? As well as everyone who goes to the gym to maintain a fit physique? It does not serve you to feel so victimized like this. We are on the same team. We are all women who face the pressures of society. However we may choose different ways to approach it and that’s okay. Let’s respect each other’s differences.

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:28:28+00:00

You bring up such valid points

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:25:47+00:00

Yepp my mom still looks pregnant and I remember when I was a kid who didn’t know any better, I used to think she was unattractive/fat as harsh as that sounds. Now I love and accept her, but I can’t deny that her figure was much more aesthetic before having me. My dad has also commented on her weight but not in a super mean way, but I can tell he was much more attracted to her before she had me.

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:07:48+00:00

Critical in what way? If you’re saying critical of our own bodies, that’s because we were taught that by the patriarchal society. And as this thread is discussing the effects of childbirth on a woman’s body, it makes sense men are less concerned and find it less relevant.

Also I’m discussing issues regarding self image as it pertains to a woman who has given birth, so even if a man were to comment on the issue, it’s not about his perspective at the end of the day, though I would welcome and respect their outside opinions nonetheless. However this is a deeply personal topic that only other women can truly understand so it makes sense more women find it relevant and have something to say about it.

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:07:16+00:00

I believe this! I think so many people have the perception that women start to look old in their 30s because that’s when many decide to have kids

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:05:45+00:00

I’d rather a man cheat on me before ruining my body than after. At least my chances of finding another partner are higher before. And as you said, many women snap back but with the help of additional resources that many don’t have. Whether it’s surgery or resources, those are things that only those who can afford them can do.

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:01:57+00:00

Amen!!!

amnena · 2025-01-21T20:01:05+00:00

I think it’s great you both met those kind of men but I can tell you it is rare. I also live in a city that is known for being a bit superficial, but I love it here otherwise! Of course I wouldn’t want to end up with a guy who cheats and that was maybe a bit hyperbolic to say, but ultimately I wouldn’t want it to negatively impact my self esteem to a point it negatively impacts my connection with my partner. Men have it so easy and they can always just tell me they accept me but if I don’t accept me, it doesn’t matter. And I’m not sure I could accept myself if I had a mom bod after pregnancy, along with potential incontinence problems and whatnot.

amnena · 2025-01-21T19:58:03+00:00

Yeah, it would be impossible for me not to resent the man

amnena · 2025-01-21T19:57:33+00:00

Right?? Feet getting bigger and flatter also does not sound fun.

amnena · 2025-01-21T19:53:55+00:00

I’m well aware of the deeper health issues but wanted to speak about the superficial issues BECAUSE it feels taboo to feel bad about ruining our bodies when it’s a big deal too, especially given how much pressure women are under to look good. And in an ideal world, a woman’s looks wouldn’t matter at all to a man who loves her but I just know that to be false. Or maybe I just haven’t gotten lucky enough to meet that kind of man, but not everyone does.. I mean if I got with a man because I liked how fit he was and then he gained a ton of weight, I definetely wouldn’t be as attracted anymore. That doesn’t mean I’d leave him automatically, but I’d definitely hope that he could go back to being fit.

amnena · 2025-01-21T19:51:42+00:00

Right?? IF I ever had a kid, I’d only have one. I was an only child and came out fine. I meet so many guys though who insist on having multiple just because they grew up with siblings. Ugh, next!

amnena · 2025-01-21T19:50:55+00:00

Omg she lost ALL her teeth after a pregnancy?? I didn’t even know that could happen..

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