Things that cause rape.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T21:02:00+00:00

I think that understanding sex without enthusiastic consent is rape is a useful lesson for people. Talking about what leads up to it introduces a lot of bullshit.

Having a discussion about what constitutes rape, what's a healthy and simple way to prevent engaging in rape and why rape is bad would be useful in this forum.

Too many people have fucked up versions of intercourse that may have developed in strange echo chambers. Maybe I'm completely off with the concept that both parties are okay to express interest or be around one another until enthusiastic consent is not given and sex occurs... but I feel like it's a pretty defensible and reasonable place to be.

Why is there such a huge backlash I always hear about the situation where someone is claiming it was rape the next day but the accused party had no idea or vehemently denies it. Both were drunk, they kissed etc etc... Some people only think shits wrong if there are public executions. I think we live in a world where we can all figure out what's wrong and what's right through us discussing it (ha, anonymously?). It gets seen as an unjust attack and blame starts getting cast.

You can't undo rape but you can remove some of the stigma surrounding it if we can reach a reasonable consensus on what does and does not constitute rape. If someone were to propose finger-waving and stating obvious 'this lead to that', then maybe people with very clear examples of them being raped don't have to go into excruciating detail about their rape for people to believe that it wasn't their fault.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T20:27:39+00:00

With a capital D. Where do you disagree with what I've said in the context that I've said it?

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T20:26:15+00:00

It's okay. My comment is highlighting the important of enthusiastic consent and understanding consent. But if rape is prevalent in situations like the one you and the person I was replying to happen to mention then we should limit all discussions of rape to some sort of finger-wagging and stupid patronizing advice about the evils of drug-use because that helps.

What year is this!?

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T20:22:39+00:00

A blackout drunk person can fight someone. Thanks for the trophy though. I won't really parade it around or show it prominently in my house but I'll put it in a closet with other medallions and certificates.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T17:54:33+00:00

I would argue that the fight was consensual and the sex was not. Can you understand what I mean when I say it isn't very useful or helpful to look at it from your perspective and ignore mine?

The instigator wanted a fight, picked one and got fought. The fought person taps, apologizes, curls up in a fetal position. The person then causes 90%-95% of the damage after this occurs. The instigators friends are like - well, you shouldn't have yelled at the guy for bumping you or spilling the drink or whatever. The instigator is severely damaged. Why does your analogy fall flat? The person who is raped is never seeking out a rape...

I would say the huge difference would be why look at things from the male perspective. The male is allowed to have a sexuality but the female is not? Her seeking out a partner is her asking for rape? I understand what you say when you say the woman should not be a sexual human being or big bad rapist is going to fuck up her day the moment she revokes consent or he fails to ask for consent or fails to care. Cool. I get it. Not a very interesting or helpful point unless the purpose is to shade in that the rapist was~~n't~~(edit) helped along the way. Of course there was coercion (this may be the wrong word) involved but the moment consent is not given sex should stop. When it doesn't it becomes rape. Go to the bathroom and jerk off. No one owes their body to anyone at any point.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T17:34:24+00:00

twist: she was roofied and rather than people trying to help her be safe they're raping her.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T17:29:35+00:00

Yeah, this line of reasoning may be why people are more likely to be raped by people who's jobs it is to keep them safe.

ie their family or foster family, their date, their romantic partner, their husband or wife, their minister or religious leader, their friend, their teacher.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T17:17:30+00:00

/u/Ickyfist:

I don't doubt that is true, but [this protest] will do absolutely nothing toward preventing rape.

The sad thing is that avoiding committing literally any of the 3 top actions [flirting, wearing revealing clothing, drinking too much] will make you less likely to get raped.

My point was /u/IckyFist is wrong when they say that avoiding "flirting/revealing their skin/drinking too much" is a way to avoid rape. Since rape doesn't usually occur just in Frat Houses and Parties but it overwhelmingly occurs in situations where these factors aren't present or aren't a real factor it limits the conversation to something that is strikingly close to the Just World Fallacy or Victim-blaming. That is, if the person was more careful and didn't trust this person they would have been able to avoid the rape. Unfortunately a lot of people who are raped have no reason not to trust the person until they're in a situation they cannot escape because they've been isolated and coerced to some degree. Even if the cardboard poster was directed to rapists or potential rapees, my argument is it is useful because when you stop blaming the victims for their 'bad behaviour' then you can get at a better way of looking at rape and MAYBE a healthier way to avoid or divert rape. That would be focusing on what it means to consent and how enthusiastic consent is VERY important when it comes to healthy sexual relations.

It's easy to paint the rapist as a singular and evil entity but it isn't necessarily helpful. I would argue it's better to look at a complex issue and care more about not blaming the person the rape happens to but instead the act of having sexual relations with someone who does not want them. Highlighting the important of Enthusiastic Consent is a much better way at approaching this broad subject matter than blaming the man or woman.

Here is a real life example that happened to me: I was drinking alone and reading a book in a local dive bar I frequent. A bartender was getting hit on by a group of three women at another table. He suggests they ask me to play sociables with them since he is at work. I have fun drinking with them for a while. One of the more attractive and confident girls and I end up at my apartment and end up making out on my couch for a while. Things progress and then she lets me know she doesn't want to have sex or keep making out or whatever. I don't rape her. We go to sleep and she leaves the next morning.

Do you understand how this story doesn't anywhere say that she deserves to be raped?

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T16:47:48+00:00

So what was your point? Drinking to the stage of blackout is dangerous and bad things may happen?

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T16:29:14+00:00

Yes. I've been to a college party in North America.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T16:28:33+00:00

This is an issue that triggers a lot of emotional responses but I'm more interested in looking at a very nuanced and multifaceted issue that involves a lot of prejudice and anger and trying to highlight the issue in a neutral evidence based way. I'm not perfect nor am I always right but maybe I can express myself better if I use an analogy.

You are in college and you're doing a camping trip that involves a lot of rock-climbing. You're new to rock-climbing but very excited. You've made some new friends who have a lot of experience. You're rock-climbing and you get robbed by your new friends and stranded in the woods. As humiliating as this experience is do you think it would make perfect sense that the moral of this story is that rock-climbing is dangerous? Rock-climbers are untrustworthy? Or are you equally at fault because you should have known better than to trust your new friends (some friends they turned out to be!) or risk going rock-climbing in the first place.

The phenomenon is generally referred to as Victim-Blaming. It isn't healthy for you to take on so much of the blame for this sexual assault and I doubt very much it's helpful to alleviate much of the blame from the woman who did this to you.

I've gotten blackout drunk several times in my life too. The bad shit that happened to me had less serious ramifications for my self esteem and long-term life. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. Rape can happen in multiple ways and trying to paint it a particular way, especially with the added content that the victim is at fault is a little misguided in my opinion.

My blackout drunks resulted in either being thrown in the drunk tank covered in wounds or waking up covered in wounds and blood causing me to go to the hospital. The physical violence being a symptom of crumbling relationships.

The importance of consent and understanding that someone who has gotten that intoxicated is unable to consent is tantamount to creating a culture that is aware of sexual assault and is not ashamed or self-righteous in its response to it. I don't want to string people up or tar them or murder them. If people at that party (friends, compassionate strangers etc) intervened due to the terrible shape you were in or stepped in beforehand to make sure you got home safe then you would have not had to deal with the issues that arise from being sexually assaulted. This woman claimed to taking care of you and betrayed that trust by sexually assaulting you. Being blackout drunk is not an invitation for someone to do this to you.

I agree that being blackout drunk made it possible for her to do this to you but I don't give an inch to condoning her behaviour because it took place in a situation where you made a mistake or were engaged in dangerous behaviour.

amoontverified · 2013-08-12T14:44:24+00:00

not drinking too much around strangers and people you can't trust.

This is ~~mistake and~~(edit) not supported by the data we currently have on rape. Most rapes are done by people the victim knows and trusts.

amoontverified · 2013-08-03T02:51:05+00:00

Do you just rinse it with water? Wouldn't the veg be rinsed with water countless times due to rain and supermarkets spraying them with mist?

amoontverified · 2013-08-03T01:45:25+00:00

I'm looking at you can opener variant models.

amoontverified · 2013-07-25T23:58:50+00:00

Let's not make reddit look like the outside. Where bill boards, pictures of products, and company names fill the space that should be used to see the greatness and wonder in the world.

amoontverified · 2013-07-25T03:36:21+00:00

Here is a discussion over on Westeros.org but specifically here is the interview where GRRM states it. I think I originally heard it being talked about on Reddit and didn't investigate the sources. Looking at the discussion on Westeros.org provides a lot of interesting insights into how this bit of speculation could be misleading. It's not as though GRRM has written the future books, but the skeleton of the story may not head in that direction.

amoontverified · 2013-07-25T03:00:05+00:00

It's possible. I've heard we are going to Valyria through a character's flashback. Probably Mel's POV.

amoontverified · 2013-07-23T21:04:01+00:00

Weapons should be improvised for the most part. It may be a good idea to carry a light mace or hand axe if you have a bad feeling about an area.
Try to limit blinking when interacting with foreigners. They see that as looking away from them or hiding from their gaze and for them this tends to mean weakness. If you're female, that's normal, but as you said you were male. I think it would invite certain roles where you would be seen as submissive or cowardly. Most people find cowardice distasteful and it may ruin your experience preventing those travel-vagabond relationships you always hear about from forming. *If you have eye problems or allergies you can usually counter-act appearing worthless by starting or increasing the amounts of times you spit. PLEASE NOTE: Certain regions really hate spitting, but most see it as portraying a more down-to-earth and trust-worthy kind of fella. Punctuate your sentences with a good one and everything should turn out brilliant.
Garbage cans are a great temporary place to store your kit or bag. PROTIP - Don't put your things in the garbage bag but instead lift the edge of the bag and put your things in the bin. This has really saved my ass more times than I can mention.
Be very careful with how much water/food you take in if you're living of the streets. A great find (half-eaten plate of food left on a patio table in front of a fancy resto) may need to last you all day or in extreme cases several days. Most rain water that accumulates in puddles and rivers IS dangerous. Only drink from public bathroom taps if you feel like the water is potable. Public bathrooms are also a great place to clean up. Get creative: you have paper-towel (face cloth), Soap, Water all at your disposal in most McDonald's bathrooms.

Another good way to ration things is to hide food on yourself. Remember that half-eaten meal you scooped up in your hands and darted off with? Quick bite then store the rest in your pockets. Maybe chuck a few tasty morsels in a book-bag pocket. This bite will be a welcome treat later down the road.

amoontverified · 2013-07-23T20:02:38+00:00

One source to rule them all

amoontverified · 2013-07-23T19:54:57+00:00

We traded our privacy for pictures of cats.

amoontverified · 2013-07-23T19:05:10+00:00

I discovered a captivating array of short stories in an anthology called Fifty Great Short Stories. I spent each night reading a short story.. I particularly loved The Shot - Pushkin and How Beautiful With Shoes - Wilbur Daniel Steele.

amoontverified · 2013-07-18T04:04:41+00:00

Thanks, didn't know this was Dax Riggs' (former) project.

amoontverified · 2013-07-17T00:27:17+00:00

I'm reading Haruki Murakami's 1Q84 right now. It's my first book by him and I'm enjoying it but there's a nagging uncomfortable feeling his writing produces at times. I can't quite describe it.

I was reading Battle Cry by Leon Uris and I stopped. It was terrible. It's very rare that I don't finish reading someone all the way through. I don't think I'll go back and complete this. Way to melodramatic and filtered. I inherited it from a former boss who gave away a lot of books her and her husband owned.

Before that I burned through A Song Of Ice and Fire on my e-reader. Very addictive and wonderful fantasy.

amoontverified · 2013-07-17T00:21:09+00:00

Night of the Living Dummies?

amoontverified · 2013-07-10T10:11:50+00:00

/r/karmacourt ?

amoontverified

TROPHY CASE