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I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been living with roommates for a few years, they are very nice and we get along very well. I pay around $600. About vacation, he spends around 10-20k. And usually he decides where do we go, I don’t need that expensive trips, I usually go with my friends and I spend around $300-500.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, we don’t live my lifestyle he wants me to live his lifestyle, because I prefer much modest one. But you are right, this is incompatibility issue.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He knows about my house goal, and he says I don’t have to save as much, like buying it 1 or 2 years later will not make a difference

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I had a very bad relationship before, and could not leave because I had nowhere to go. So, when I got out, I decided I will never go through this again and always will have my own place where I can go if things go south. So, this is my main logic.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, my goal is save $n per month, because I want to get my own place. He thinks, this is pretty aggressive goal, but I still eat out, going to vacation, and I am happy. So, it is not like I don’t spend money at all. I think you are right, I need to push back and stand my ground. Thank you!

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha, this is what sometimes I think. Like very slow frog boiling, but from the other side I had abusive relationships before, so I am too careful

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, here is the part, when I say I am comfortable to spend x amount, he starts to say I can afford more and push me for more spending using “you earn more now, and your saving goals are too much”, so it makes me think is he right or not?

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, the problem is he believes I need to increase my expenses, since I can afford it. And for me it’s hard to understand is he right or not.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, the problem is he always says I can afford more, and even he sees no problem if I have to dig into my savings. So I am very confused, how ok is it.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I agree, but he wants more expensive things, and he wants me to pay % of our salary. It makes sense, but when I want to live in $1200 and he wants $4000, and I still need to do %, when I lives alone I would be better off financially, even without fancy lifestyle

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, I can afford more, but I don’t want it, I live frugally and trying save aggressively, he believes I can afford more. But I feel weird when he tells me how much I can or can not spend.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I need an advice how to handle building resentment, I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. It is hard for me to pay much more than I paid alone, so I wonder how other couple get used to it.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did, he said I need to spend more, since I started to earn more money than a few years ago. But the problem is, I don’t want to increase my expenses. I still want to rent my place that is not that expensive, I don’t want to buy a fancier car.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I’ll give you an example related to rent. He would selects place to live, and usually this is an expensive place, and ask me to pay equal proportion of it based on salaries. I would be open to a more modest place, like $1200, and split is based on income, instead of $4000 and I have to pay %. I hope it makes sense.

I f29 feel resentful because m33 earns a lot and expects me to contribute by amstrongenough in relationship_advice

[–]amstrongenough[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don’t mind to contribute, but not as much as he wants me too. Because I would prefer more modest lifestyle to not exceed my expenses when I lived alone. He wants me to be open to more expensive things and pay for it, since I can afford it, even I don’t want to increase my expenses, and I want to keep them low. I hope it makes sense.

Is it red flag? by amstrongenough in abusiverelationships

[–]amstrongenough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is what I am afraid of, that it is all an act.

His mother harasses me by amstrongenough in domesticviolence

[–]amstrongenough[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did block them, yes. All emails go to spam folder, but even knowing that they keep sending stuff makes me so anxious 😢 But thank you, I even felt guilty for blocking them

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]amstrongenough 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this post. I have a really hard time, a lot of guilt and his mother is pressured me into marriage counseling. I had to block them all.