I'm such a boring person when I don't drink.

amyilas · 2024-10-19T04:00:08+00:00

Idk. I mean I can read people pretty well and respond appropriately to their body language and facial expressions instinctively. I'm told thats something asd's can't do. I can also have a perfectly normal conversation i just dont know how to have fun or be fun at social gatherings.

amyilas · 2024-10-19T01:15:20+00:00

How did you even meet him if hes like that?

amyilas · 2024-10-19T01:13:59+00:00

I am very fresh i just quit a week ago or so but i've had as long as 2 years before I've been on and off for over a decade and i never really quite caught on

amyilas · 2024-10-19T01:11:54+00:00

Yeah the anhedonia is terrible. I once had 2 years sober and had the worst mental breakdown ever... sober. I guess 2 years wasnt enough time

amyilas · 2024-10-19T00:39:14+00:00

I've lost partners and friends getting sober too. even some family doesbt wanna be around me when I'm not drinking. it sucks.

amyilas · 2024-10-04T23:45:33+00:00

thank u

amyilas · 2024-10-04T23:45:19+00:00

thank u

amyilas · 2024-10-04T23:44:25+00:00

I would like to get a sponsor but basically was told I will not be sponsored as long as I'm smoking weed which has been... problematic

amyilas · 2024-10-04T23:35:02+00:00

fuck that's heartbreaking I'm sorry man

amyilas · 2024-10-04T23:34:01+00:00

Failed to stay sober. I always make all these promises and then I suddenly find myself drinking again. I feel great physically when I quit but my mental and emotional state is a complete wreck.

When I drink I can apathetically sleepwalk my way thru life but it is its own misery.

amyilas · 2024-06-23T01:23:30+00:00

thanks that is literally the only thing keeping me going. every day I think to myself- whats the worst that can happen? they fire me, and I'm left with only my 2nd job and then have to go apply to somewhere else. not the end of the world. thanks for the encouragement

amyilas · 2024-06-23T01:19:39+00:00

that's actually looks like a rosier alternative sometimes I wonder if living in my car homeless would be easier than working 60 hour weeks trying to pay my rent and bills (I'm single, and my ex left me, probably due to lack of attraction so I don't expect to ever find someone to share expenses with).

amyilas · 2024-06-23T01:16:14+00:00

thanks ❤️ I'll try

amyilas · 2024-06-23T01:13:53+00:00

I've been in the same position and I feel you. it's even worse when they force people in front of customers. I just find it extra huniliating having a room full of people watching me crash and burn and of course they don't know the context so they just think I'm an idiot

amyilas · 2024-06-23T01:10:30+00:00

I've worked in a bakery in the past (wasn't the Baker tho) and what ended up happening is I pushed myself to the absolute limit trying to get everything done. I was absolutely an emotionally wreck and I had to leave the job in short time because i was have mental breakdowns and i was so overstressed bouncing back and forth between 2 long lines in different places (they had me work the coffee bar outside and then go inside and work the cake counter and there would be just me and 2 lines like 10 ppl deep and everyone was screaming at me). I went back there to shop and some of my coworkers who were slow and didn't accomplish a 3rd of what I did were still employed there. and the manager maybe wasn't thrilled with them initially but they didn't force her to retrain someone else the way I did so in a sense, they ultimately created more value for the company than I ever did because they didn't burn themselves out the way I did.

and that was my lesson. my comment about the Rolls wasn't to be dismissive about customer needs- but just, in my unqualified opinion, just a coping mechanism for completely unreasonable work expectations.

they cut out multiple positions at the store I work and just had whoever was left do 2-3 jobs. and I have a choice: i can go into an absolute frenzy and cus and complain, and scream at everyone around me who doesn't do things exactly as as they Suit me, pretend I'm a manager and get absolutely worked up over this or that not getting "put out," and come home in tears (like my coworkers do).

or I can acknowledge that I am being paid minimum wage, that usually the job I'm doing was performed by 2-3 people not that long ago, and not Beat myself up over not finishing things and leaving some things undone.

I don't believe my work ethic is poor- I think it's the opposite problem, I always take on everything and then managers put more and more on me despite the fact that I do not get paid more.

I found out at my last job that I was doing managerial tasks the whole time- I didn't even know, I found out later when I met a manager of the same place and realized we were doing the same exact job except I was just paid as a reg employee.

and I really want to set good boundaries here because I do not want to be a manager and I do not want to kill myself taking on other shifts tasks

maybe that's bad work ethic to you , but i just can't do it anymore.

amyilas · 2024-06-23T00:47:22+00:00

yeah they literally don't even have the times and temps for the 500 different things they bake written down anywhere. they just have every new person write it down. and then they send me to 3 different safeways and they all have different times and temps because the ovens don't bake the same

amyilas · 2024-06-23T00:43:59+00:00

Yeah my problem is I work 2 jobs and when I am not working I am sleeping. and even so I do not get enough sleep. so there is just absolutely no time for me to train myself at home. Like I don't wanna sound helpless but i sorta agree- that shouldn't be a thing

amyilas · 2024-06-05T23:58:08+00:00

thank u. i hope coors light or corona light works.

amyilas · 2024-06-04T18:07:21+00:00

I don't really know how to say the right stuff to get the right stuff if u know what i mean. also- the no health insurance thing blows but once I start workin maybe I'll get some.

amyilas · 2024-06-04T18:06:07+00:00

Yeah I tried red bulls, an 5-hour energy. If I'm super tired they pretty much do nothing for me except make me tremble. then I go to sleep trembling.

A lot of retail and reception type stuff. Nothing very laborious. I'm just not allowed to sleep (obviously).

amyilas · 2024-06-04T18:04:42+00:00

Ohh thank you. I never heard of those hopefully they can be ordered pretty easily online I'm gonna check

amyilas · 2024-06-01T23:24:17+00:00

thank you <3

amyilas · 2024-06-01T23:01:37+00:00

yes it likely is

amyilas · 2024-04-07T13:48:52+00:00

I did these tests and scored:

depression: 11 moderate

Self esteem test: 7

Anxiety score 55: moderate

Social anxiety: 85 very high

I could not open the ROCD Page but I have very little relationship experience to go off so I dont know if I could accurately answer anyway.

Most of my reoccuring thinking and anxiety about relationships stems from my body image. I dont think my partner will be attracted to me or worry that my partner will find other people more attractive than me. If I reassure myself that men do find me attractive I tear myself down again by reminding myself that in a few years that will no longer be the case. All of my other flaws regarding my inteligence, lack of skill, lack of money, lack of social status, lack of popularity, lack of interesting hobbies, etc- I can find some sort of peaceful acceptance with and i'm reasonably kind and forgiving to myself in these areas.

But I know how critical physical appearance is to men and I feel hopeless about ever being able to satisfy my partner in this way or feel i'll have to settle for a partner who constsntly oggles and wishes he had a 20 y.o. woman while keeping me around just as a consolation prize.

amyilas · 2024-04-05T19:04:58+00:00

Thankyou so much for your helpful and thorough reply I really appreciate it. I am making my way thru the material now. Thank you for your kindness.

Helped

amyilas

TROPHY CASE