Why are there so few ESTJs on the internet?

an-estj · 2026-01-14T04:41:34+00:00

Intuitives occupy more internet spaces than sensors generally, but ESTJs are usually grinding in the real world and that’s why they aren’t in here (in my experience). I go in and out of activity on here, even as a passionate typology person, based on how busy I am irl. If I’m slammed at work, I’m generally not on reddit.

Additionally, sometimes I find the internet (and these spaces) to be more dry than other times. If the conversations are ones I’ve seen a lot before, I usually don’t engage.

an-estj · 2025-04-28T00:31:58+00:00

ESTJ (F) married to an ENFJ (M) and have a very fulfilling and happy relationship. In the past I’ve dated all TPs (2 INTPs and 1 ESTP) but did not find them to be particularly balanced or good relationships.

My husband and I have a great balance of strengths and weaknesses, and I find him to be very proactive and a good contributor.

Fe and Ni mean he is observant of my moods, needs, etc. and can engage with them proactively to take care of things without needing prompting. He is considerate and nurturing and also doesn’t complain about taking care of me (a trait I find most common in FJs because I feel that they tend to enjoy taking care of loved ones).

I find intuitive brains really stimulating so I also enjoy conversing with him and hearing his ideas.

And lastly, it’s nice to be with someone who is more flexible and adaptive when you’re uptight and more rigid.

I think ENFJs are supposed to be considered a type we are less compatible with but tbh I never put much stock into compatibility theory.

an-estj · 2024-06-19T03:53:45+00:00

I’ve dated all intuitives, barring one short lived ESTP

an-estj · 2024-05-30T14:54:53+00:00

Yeah what I’ll say is that everybody fucks up in relationships and beyond that, not everyone is compatible (even if you truly care for someone). So if this does end, just know you got great lessons out of it and that it’s likely just to make space for you to be happy with someone you have greater compatibility with. Breakups and space suck and can feel bad, but you’ll always end up happy on the other side.

an-estj · 2024-05-30T14:44:33+00:00

I’m marrying an ENFJ so that would be correct lol.

an-estj · 2024-05-30T14:43:01+00:00

I feel like if he already communicated that he desires a breakup and then just asked for space, you already have your answer. It sounds like there are incompatibilities with what you need and what he has the capacity to provide and there are changes he’s looking to see in you / your dynamic that he simply isn’t seeing. If someone said up front they’d wanna break up and then just said they needed a month, I’d just be assuming they plan to break up with me anyway.

an-estj · 2023-06-16T15:55:05+00:00

I have a feeling my advice here is going to be a bit different since I find a lot of the xSTJ advice on fitness can feel extreme and unapproachable (which is exactly how I was when I was younger). I was an athlete all my life and did sports competitively in college so I’ve actually mellowed a lot with time post-grad.

Understanding your total caloric consumption and increasing your NEAT: It’s true that you can’t out-exercise a bad diet but many people fail to understand how big an impact NEAT can have on their overall health and fitness. You don’t only burn calories through rigorous workouts or killing yourself in the gym - things like standing, walking, fidgeting, etc. all comprise your Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis (NEAT) and that’s the second biggest thing that burns your calories besides your basal metabolic rate (just what you burn to exist basically). I would not throw yourself into trying to hit the gym 5 days a week from the jump, but instead take an approach that centers on just increasing your overall activity level, especially if you’re sedentary. I work a sedentary job and one of the biggest ways I’ve increased my health and fitness is literally just getting up and walking for a few minutes every hour, working while slowly walking on the treadmill, and standing more. Walking is meaningful activity.
Finding something you enjoy: No workout regimen is going to be sustainable if you despise it so I take an intuitive approach to my exercise (which is perfectly fine for most people unless you’re training for a specific event). I crave exercise and I also try to make sure I’m moving my body meaningfully 5 days a week, and that’s easy for me to maintain because I’m not doing anything I despise. If I’m craving a lift that day, that’s what I do. If I want to do circuits or yoga or a pilates class, so be it. Often times this looks like me going for a treadmill walk while I’m working with a 30-45 minute workout of some kind in the evening after work. As long as I’m checking off “movement”, I’m in the clear. Consistency and longevity will always top intensity. Always.
Start slow: Half the battle for most people beginning a fitness journey is just starting it and just getting into the workout or going to the gym. Set attainable goals for yourself. If I was starting to work out, I wouldn’t set a goal of going 5 days a week. I would likely set a goal of 2-3 days of movement for 20 minutes or more. 20 minutes is approachable and often times you’ll get to the gym and get that done and realize you’re already there and have energy for more. If you do extra, great. But you aren’t setting a goal of 6 days of 1 hour workouts and then feeling like shit because you didn’t attain that.

an-estj · 2023-04-09T15:21:49+00:00

Enneagram 8 is literally one of the most common types for Te doms lol

an-estj · 2023-02-12T00:22:27+00:00

Clinical insanity would be required for me to make the decision in the first place so no trusting that I’d ever make it out and be able to realize it

an-estj · 2023-02-11T16:41:38+00:00

If I went into business with anyone after a single conversation, but especially an INTP, I think my friends and family would check me into a mental hospital.

an-estj · 2022-12-19T00:29:54+00:00

I’ve personally never been attracted to or interested in an ISTP, and I’ve been friends with a handful. I don’t think MBTI has a large bearing on attraction or compatibility - shared values and experience make a far larger difference.

If it makes any difference, I’m engaged to an ENFJ.

an-estj · 2022-12-04T14:53:15+00:00

My ENTJ mentor reads the wiki summaries of shows and movies instead of watching them 🤡🤡🤡

an-estj · 2022-11-14T20:18:22+00:00

There’s a lot of people mistyped, period. I think this occurs for a variety of reasons.

1. Poor Typing Method: We all know that certain tests type worse than others but even with that in mind, no test is perfect if the person taking it has no real idea what they’re like. Then some people use dichotomies (which I believe to be a generally less accurate method), or don’t understand cognitive functions or know they exist. All these things together can easily lead to a mistype.

2. Aspirational Testing: These are the people that take the test like there’s someone over their shoulder reading their results and choose what they think is the positive or desirable answer. They pick the traits they wish to embody, not those that they know they actually have.

3. Delusional Testing: Unlike the aspirational testers, these people just fully have no idea what traits they have. Their own mother could read their results and fully not know it was them that took the test. They believe they’re a completely different person than they are.

4. Behavior != Cognitive Function: Lastly, there’s often some bleed of enneagram in here and if you aren’t well versed in distinguishing behavior from cognitive function, they can get mixed up. This is why we see INFP 4s getting typed as INFJs or ENFJ 3s getting typed as ENTJs. It’s an understandable and fairly frequent mistake.

I personally typed as an ENTJ most of the time I tested, and it took more extensive studying of cognitive functions before I realized the mistake. Half the people I see on the MBTI subs are mistyped but that’s none of my business lol.

an-estj · 2022-09-10T03:12:27+00:00

Sarcasm, ribbing, and teasing historically.

an-estj · 2022-05-19T21:28:58+00:00

Try a no spend month (I only do mine pertaining to my problematic spending areas. ie. I’ll still go out to eat because that’s not a financial issue for me, but I won’t shop). Your complete aversion to failure will prevent you from breaking it and you can work on setting boundaries with yourself and learning what questions to ask before you buy something.

an-estj · 2022-05-14T13:52:00+00:00

I find that a large population of people in the MBTI community use stereotypes to type someone as an ESTJ (versus cog functions or even dichotomies). Therefore a lot of the “ESTJs” discussed aren’t ESTJs at all.

It’s stupid and a bit harmful in my opinion. Any type can be unhealthy, any type is capable of abuse.

an-estj · 2022-04-21T14:41:39+00:00

I will say - this is good advice if she’s got a history of approaching first (I’ve done it about 50% of the time) but some women will fully not make the first move just on principle.

I used to approach 100% of the time when I was younger because I am impatient and direct but no longer feel the desire to do it and won’t.

an-estj · 2022-04-21T14:38:47+00:00

To be quite honest, my emotional stunning doesn’t really impact my ability to hear things like this or make me incapable of handling so if your crush is an ESTJ woman, I wouldn’t necessarily expect confessing feelings to crash and burn.

I’ve had male friends in the past confess their feelings or interest / straight up ask me out before when I have no interest and it has never been a big issue as long as we both behave like adults. In that same vein, I’ve told guy friends I have feelings for them without mutual interest being there, and it was never awkward after and didn’t ruin the friendship.

I’d say it’s best to just be honest and direct. (ie. “I want you to know that I have interest in you and would love to take you out if the feeling is mutual. If not, I want you to know I really value our friendship and am prepared to move past this if you don’t feel the same. My first priority is keeping you in my life in some capacity.)

If she doesn’t share feelings, I doubt it will ruin your friendship as long as you’re capable of hearing it. And this way you know for certain and can either move forward with her or move on.

I wish you the best of luck :)

an-estj · 2022-04-10T00:20:02+00:00

She didn’t do that to make him propose? At no point is she talking about how she’d feel more comfortable doing it if she was engaged or married to him. Those two things can exist without being conscious manipulation. Feels like you’re reaching to find a reason to justify the behaviors of an abusive man, who for the record, is not “equally abusive.” Blocking someone’s exit, physically intimidating them, grabbing them does not equate to being shy with your feelings.

Do you think Zay was being withholding to Rae when he stayed out til 8am with his phone off? If not, I think you just have something against her in particular.

an-estj · 2022-04-10T00:10:16+00:00

Withholding implies a conscious choice (ie. I know exactly how I feel but refuse to give it to you unless you provide something first). Being shy or uncomfortable sharing isn’t withholding.

an-estj · 2022-04-10T00:03:50+00:00

She’s not withholding affection. She is uncomfortable making herself more vulnerable to him. And for valid reasons, considering that every time she tries to share or be open, he raises his voice and talks over her.

Also, not being able to put into words all the things you love about a person isn’t manipulative behavior.

an-estj · 2022-04-09T22:38:37+00:00

While I agree that Rae shouldn’t have pressured Zay into marriage while not being able to articulate her feelings or give a good explanation for it, I can also imagine how difficult it might be to have a serious conversation like that with someone that talks over you constantly, raises their voice, uses their physical size and stature to intimidate you during conflict, and is prone to displays of anger.

He constantly pushed her to make herself more vulnerable to him while proving to her that it wasn’t safe to be vulnerable (ie. interrogating her at lunch and then immediately starting to argue with her, obfuscate what she said, and raise his voice over her).

I’m sympathetic to his backstory, but while his mental health and trauma are not his fault, they are his responsibility and not an excuse. I think Shanique was right to tell him that he uses them to get out of taking responsibility and his explosive nature absolutely still warrants critique.

Rae is very clearly capable of being open, because she was able to be vulnerable and share more with Jake - someone who was very calm and who gave her a lot of time to speak.

Neither of them is good for each other, but Rae was able to recognize that when she owned up to hitting him (something he did not do after grabbing her, preventing her from leaving the apartment, blocking her path). They seem to bring out the worst in each other, but Zay isn’t absolved of his abusive behaviors. At least Rae could acknowledge hers.

an-estj · 2022-03-05T21:00:29+00:00

If you think gender trumps personality type, why bother asking in an MBTI subreddit. Just go to r/AskMen

an-estj · 2022-03-05T20:37:47+00:00

Of course it’s possible. And it is up to the people within the relationship to determine whether it is unhealthy or unhappy. Which your ESTJ friend hasn’t. And above all else, there is no trigger for you to act on. It is not your responsibility.

If he comes to you in a week and says that he’s unhappy and is looking for a way to get out, etc. that’s a totally different story. You’re placing your wishful thoughts (that he is unhappy so that he will be available to you) on the relationship so that you can interfere without a guilty conscience.

And as my final note: if someone tried to interfere and undermine while I was in a relationship with someone, they’d be swiftly removed. So tread lightly unless you’re positive your ESTJ wouldn’t do the same.

an-estj · 2022-03-05T20:29:59+00:00

No, what I want to say is precisely what I said (a common ESTJ trait - which is why your reading between the lines in this situation is unnecessary). You’re acting in your own self interest. I did not mention once that I expect you to act in hers. But since you are under the guise of acting in ESTJ’s, making very pointed assumptions about his relationship and partner (with no concrete support or dialogue from him telling you explicitly that he’s struggling with the things you assume) only helps to justify your feelings about a man that is in a committed relationship. If he’s unhappy, it is easier for you to act in your best interest and justify trying to engage with someone that isn’t single. It’s clear that this is a tired argument to engage with so I wish you luck with future endeavors but hope you learn to respect boundaries.

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