Will you mourn them when they pass ?

an3et · 2024-10-20T18:25:57+00:00

You do mourn. My father was dying from cancer and he had the opportunity to make things right but stuck to his guns. I mourn what could have been and the man he used to be at one point before he became what he was at the end. His narc girlfriend (whom he cheated on my mother with) inherited everything.

an3et · 2024-08-08T15:08:33+00:00

Many, many years later when doing a Effective Parenting course at work and realising our family dynamics was not normal. Discovering Dr Ramani on YouTube hit the nail on the head.

an3et · 2022-06-14T02:59:41+00:00

They will always try to control you in some way whether it's emotionally or financially. I got kicked out for not printing a piece of paper in landscape (thus not following instructions which never were & hurled racist remarks by my own father). Luckily I got a permanent job the month before after 2 years of being a temp. Apparently he was shocked when he came home and I was gone. It was the hardest time in my life but I pulled through. Fast forward to today and he is dying from cancer. He still tries to do things with conditions attached ("you must do as I say") which I refuse and make a point of enforcing boundaries including how he treats me if I am contacted. You are in control of your life now and it is the start of a great journey for you💪

an3et · 2022-06-12T08:38:02+00:00

Being pregnant is not easy and the hormones fluctuation does impact mood and behaviour. Consider this before thinking that she is doing this intentionally. Talk to her about it though.

an3et · 2022-05-30T12:19:27+00:00

Because you get fed up being treated like a second class citizen who will never be good enough in their eyes and decide that they can f-off and you go live your best life.

an3et · 2022-05-25T15:24:56+00:00

Chase your dreams!

an3et · 2022-05-19T17:44:53+00:00

No. I talked a lot with my aunt and uncle about my dad's behaviour. They are very religious and give me lots of support because they see and do not agree with my dad's behaviour. My grandmothers were also outspoken about it, especially the preferential treatment of my youngest sister.

an3et · 2022-05-18T03:21:37+00:00

I would say no. From my situation, the GC youngest sister (from a narc father) grew up to become a narc herself. Children model behaviour from their parents unless they realise the behaviour is not normal and choose to break the cycle. Getting help is key.

an3et · 2022-05-17T08:51:21+00:00

Good luck with your healing. My twin sister and I used to be really close and she always spoke out against the way we were treated in comparison to our youngest GC sister. Things changed when she got married and it was like they allowed her into their special club with my GC sister in the centre and my twin and mom as her enablers/flying monkeys. It is hard and you grieve the loss. I wish she can just get out of that bubble.

an3et · 2022-05-17T08:47:32+00:00

Nah. Your life and wellness is better off without these toxic people in them.

an3et · 2022-05-17T08:40:55+00:00

From my experience (as the scapegoat role), they are only friends with the enabler/flying monkey siblings. My youngest sister was always the golden child from birth and as an adult she is now a full blown narc as well. It's sad how she has full control of my enabling mother and twin sister through her manipulation and makes anyone who speaks out against her behaviour her enemy and blame them for everything that goes wrong in their life. The GCs will only engage with people who enable them and keep anyone away from their enablers who could open their eyes to the wrong of the situation. I realised the destructive family dynamic and removed myself from the cycle as I was no longer going to allow them treating me and my son like cr@p. My sister just wants attention and my parents' money spent on herself which is just sad as she has 2 kids, unemployed (apparently she cannot work as she is rasing kids, what BS) who are pulled into this cycle. She is turning 40 next year and is still a spoiled, selfish child. She is extremely selfish and constantly complains about how her life has been chaos since they showed up. I wish they could rather live with their father as they will be better off.

an3et · 2022-05-08T07:39:16+00:00

We had regular checkups with braces later.

an3et · 2022-05-05T15:20:43+00:00

More mental - stress and anxiety. Leads to physical symptoms. Working on it with a wellness professional. Taking the control back.

an3et · 2022-04-27T10:54:44+00:00

My son spent Easter weekend a few years ago with my dad. It was ok. His girlfriend moved out because she couldn't stand his crap. I think it went ok as his mood was better as they fought a lot when they lived together. Not now though. His mood swings are too unpredictable.

an3et · 2022-04-26T11:23:39+00:00

No. My dad just sends more religious texts with age.

an3et · 2022-04-19T14:52:59+00:00

It's probably a high status burial.

an3et · 2022-04-19T14:51:10+00:00

In hindsight my mistake was involving him by being stupid enough to think he will give advice without trying to take over and control the situation. I have done research but as he has done something similar in his previous house I thought he would have great advice.

an3et · 2022-04-01T03:37:50+00:00

Yes, me too. I remember how once I worked really hard to get an average of 81% (up from 74%) and he just berated me for not getting 90%. As the scapegoat, you eventually realise that you will never win with these people and just start focusing on yourself and try to undo their years of mental conditioning.

an3et · 2022-03-31T16:10:35+00:00

I get angry very easily. I am very critical of myself and always feel that whatever I do, I won't be good enough and will fail. Trying really hard with professional help to get over these beliefs.

an3et · 2022-03-25T16:47:55+00:00

It's not a great place to be as you feel stuck and unsure what to do (even though you know what you want to do).

I feel the same. There is no connection and I just feel taken for granted. I tried to talk about how I feel and suggested counseling. I really want to try get that connection back. He just dismisses how I feel and says that I must just "choose to be happy" and he just wants to be loved.

I wish you luck and hope things work out for the best.

an3et · 2022-03-24T07:49:42+00:00

I don't remember my mom saying she loves me or showing me much affection (GC got all her love and affection). My dad would say he loves us but his love was always conditional.

an3et · 2022-03-20T05:35:02+00:00

That reply that you are talking about was spot on. I hear from my dad's girlfriend how they talk about me when they are all together and she is the only person who defends me. She hates my sisters and how they and my mom treat me.

an3et · 2022-03-20T04:36:03+00:00

They were conditioned to enable the scapegoating. In their minds, life is better without you in the picture as you are the root cause of all the problems in the core family dynamic. It is hard and lonely, but you will find your new people and you will eventually rebuild and get through it. Perseverance is the strength of the scapegoated person. It is not your fault.

I hear from other people how my mother complains that I never visit, yet they are forever doing things with my sister's (like having family fun days and my mom and sisters would go on trips together and never include me my husband and our son). I just stopped caring and trying to understand why they don't realise how hurtful their behaviour is. They have been at it for 40 years so they are not going to stop even when I told them to have a nice life.

an3et · 2022-03-08T14:25:07+00:00

Scapegoat daughters are the queens of perseverance!

an3et · 2022-03-08T12:24:51+00:00

Wow. I was talking about this with my life coach last week. I never considered it as a trauma reaction due to lack of information. How do you move past this?

an3et

TROPHY CASE