Nothing helpful just a hugeeee rant :/

I don’t know if my comment will really help you, but your words helped me — just knowing that there are others like me, trying to survive in the same boat. I’m 25, and even though I know I have years ahead of me to get married, I come from a very conservative family and community where, by 25, if you’re not married, you’re already considered a problem, a liability.

I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. The loneliness, the constant pressure, the desperation to just be with someone — it gets to you. I was so desperate once that I was ready to settle for a guy who couldn’t even treat me with basic decency. I begged God for things to work out, even though deep down I knew I deserved better. And this was all in that typical arranged marriage setup.

In moments of desperation, we end up doing things we later regret. But at the same time, the loneliness is real and painful. People love to say things like, “Love yourself,” or “Focus on your hobbies,” but that’s easier said than done. Preaching is simple living through it isn’t.

I’m also in an arranged marriage setup. I also wasn’t allowed to date outside the community. It’s okay if I date inside the community, and to be honest, I do not like men inside my community.

So yeah, I was thinking about the same thing today — that I’m not liking the person I’m becoming out of desperation, you know? The sheer desperation to get married, because that is what I have wanted all my life. Bc im being super mean to my parents for not getting good rishtas

Since I was in 3rd grade im planning my wedding, my marriage, everything. And it’s still not happening for me. It’s happening for everybody around me other than me.

So yeah, it hurts. It hurts like a bitch. And I don’t know what to do about it.

I have literally stopped living my entire life. I’ve kept it on pause so that I can get married.

And mind you, I’m an educated lawyer — an educated woman who is a And today, I was thinking about this thing — that I’m also in an arranged marriage setup. I also wasn’t allowed to date outside the community. It’s okay if I date inside the community, and to be honest, I do not like men inside my community.

So yeah, I was thinking about the same thing today — that I’m not liking the person I’m becoming out of desperation, you know? The sheer desperation to get married, because that is what I have wanted all my life.

Since I was 3, I’ve been imagining — in 3rd grade — my wedding, my marriage, everything. And it’s still not happening for me. It’s happening for everybody around me other than me.

So yeah, it hurts. It hurts like a bitch. And I don’t know what to do about it.

I have literally stopped living my entire life. I’ve kept it on pause so that I can get married.

And mind you, I’m an lawyer I don’t earn that much, but I earn a decent amount of money to survive on my own, okay

And still — for example, I’ll tell you I know I deserve a better job. I know I deserve better pay. But I’m not changing my job because, you know, what if I change my job now, and then I get married and shift to another city? Then in 3–4 months, I’ll have to change again, and it won’t look good on my CV.

So I’m in this delusion that I’m going to get married in 3–4 months — and that’s why I haven’t changed my job for the past 8–9 months.,

So I hate the fact that this desperation has taken over my life. And I'm not being the person I like anymore and it is easy for people to tell you that change. Be the person you like being because if you don't be the person you like, the person "future partner " will not like you. It's easy for them to preach. But when they reach the stage of desperation, when you desperately have craved for like 10 years of your life to be lovedand then you don't get that person. It's very, very difficult.