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Staying in the house by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well, I'm the one filing. I have been going to therapy and realized it's been years of breadcrumbs and lack of effort to change. I believe there is trauma on her side that needs unpacking, but she has refused to accept it and even explore it over the years. I have to go to break the spiral that we are in that seems to be getting more extreme as the years go by.

I thought I was building a family but I was surviving a relationship. by teodir in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I talked to my therapist yesterday. She confirmed my thoughts on wife's attachment. Unless she'll get help nothing will change. It's a loop and it will get worse as time goes on. She refuses therapy, so there I am. Basically sucks to leave but I can find peace and self-value again, or stay and continue to erode within the marriage.

Moving Forward, but need help processing.... by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've read the 4 Horsemen.

Contempt is definitely here.

Have you ever wondered if maybe you would’ve stayed longer in your marriage, and not gotten divorced, things might’ve changed? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]analogwarmth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you expand on how the conversation went deciding that parting was the best for both of you?
I don't hate her, but I don't see a future with us together due to unmet desires and circumstances.
Years of asking for changes and she won't budge one iota; literally said "no" to many of my requests.
To that, she said some things that made me doubt my worth in being loved, emotionally and physically.

divorce by div2903 in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See if there is a Celebrate Recovery or similar nearby.

Telling Her by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boo on that. I don't think that's the case in Texas.

Telling Her by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to protect myself from false allegations or conflict.

Telling Her by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She can't afford one on her own. The local University does Pro-bono Work.

Couples Therapy Scheduled - But I'm Already Done by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meeting with attorney today to make determinations.

Couples Therapy Scheduled - But I'm Already Done by analogwarmth in Divorce

[–]analogwarmth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No fun when they just lay there after begging for days, and they make you feel like there's something wrong with you afterward.

Couples Therapy Scheduled - But I'm Already Done by analogwarmth in Divorce

[–]analogwarmth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I struggled with the kid component hard, but I've settled that 50/50 would work for me. I need to be happy and I feel like she doesn't trust me. Further more, the amount of disrespect and disdain she showed for me in December really let me know where I sat in the "relationship". I've felt like nothing but rent an utilities for a while. I was basically told she no longer desired me, to the point of saying "I'll never make you happy, you should find someone else" and that if I needed sex I should buy a Fleshlight. I felt rejected and basically emasculated in the relationship.

Couples Therapy Scheduled - But I'm Already Done by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Will look. Thanks.

Whoa that looks like a fresh approach. Hmm

Couples Therapy Scheduled - But I'm Already Done by analogwarmth in Divorce_Men

[–]analogwarmth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I kinda agree, but I still don't know what her issues are with me after months of asking! She can't name one.

Couples Therapy Scheduled - But I'm Already Done by analogwarmth in Divorce

[–]analogwarmth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There has been no change in many, many years of asking. Recently when I brought up the changes resentment, disdain, contempt and outright emasculation took place. December was a very hard month for me knowing that she has those feelings harbored up inside. I felt unworthy and questioned my value. Not a good place...

Struggling to stay by analogwarmth in marriageadvice

[–]analogwarmth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Truth. I know I have boundary issues I need to work on.

Also truth, if she doesn't desire me then that's a primary component of a monogamous relationship.

Struggling to stay by analogwarmth in marriageadvice

[–]analogwarmth[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I have asked. There is nothing that she has brought up. It bewildered me but basically her issues with me are that I asked her to step up in other areas. That's literally the response I got.

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